Could this be the greatest movie ever made? Check out this trailer and judge for yourself:
Citizen Kane, this is not. A true TCM movie in every sense of the word. Explosions, death defying stunt, babes, terrible dialogue, awful acting and concert footage with Wizards. What more could you really ask for?
Plenty. Well, let’s see…douchebags, Ke$ha, yeast infections, getting a boner in public and so fourth. This list could go on. But luckily for you there definitely are worse things wrong with this world. This website definitely shows you what is wrong with the world in a very, let’s say, straight forward way.
This website was a little more “polite” about asking that question. It was more along the lines of “How much would someone pay you to vote for Sarah Palin?”. I thought that question was stupid so I asked myself how much would someone pay me to have sex with Sarah Palin. After a few minutes of contemplating I said nothing. I would do it for free with a huge grin on my face. Just picture that.
That’s pretty much all this website is. It asks you questions like, “How much would someone have to pay you to eat dog crap?” Naturally Captain Flintheart answered .76¢. I’m honestly surprised, I thought he would have said less. Another fun one is, “How much would someone have to pay you to spend 24 hours with Charlie Sheen?” Unfortunately you can only answer in dollars and not pints of Tiger Blood. Oh well, I’d pay a few bucks to be able to hang out with someone who in his mind, is constantly winning. Wouldn’t you? Oh yea, you already do by reading TCM.
So let’s say you have a friend who has a fear of turtles for some odd ass reason. Maybe they were raped by one when they were a child, it can happen. Well, you can turn their fears into nightmares by having a turtle prank call them. For only $2, you can have a turtle call someone and have a legit discussion…well, sort of. Check it out:
So what are you waiting for, shell out 2 bones and get this turtle pranking your ex-girlfriends or whatever. Because that is a sure fire way to get them back.
If you have him call me, I will hunt you down and cut you. I’ll do it. I swear.
#5 – Julie Benz
If you all watch the show, Dexter amongst other shows/movies she has been in you will know she is pretty hot. Her roles are usually the same throughout her career (well, from what I’ve seen). An innocent woman that is out for the better good. Hence, Dexter, Rambo and The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (not so innocent in the last one). So yea, this is probably the one you’d want to marry. Hell, what am I saying…if I married any of these actresses I’d consider myself winning.
Captain Flintheart likes his female celebrities two ways. Either fantastic looking and classy as hell like the actresses of yesteryear (more on that on a future post) or fully stocked, thick and robust. As a rule I’m not interested in ridiculously skinny girls, ESPECIALLY if you can see her ribs. In fact, you may remember I was the only TCM member to vote pro-boobs in the epic debate. I think it will be easy to see which actresses I chose fall into what category.
5. Natalie Portman
Natalie Portman isn’t hot…she’s beautiful.
Bonus Points: She starred in 3 Star Wars movies.
When I was a very young kid, the man pictured below had an “educational” tv show. His name was Slim Goodbody and he terrified me to death. In fact, he was my number one fear at the time. I would cry and beg my parents to turn it off anytime his show was on.
Seeing it now for the first time in about 25 years I feel 100% justified. This shit is creepy on a few levels here. First and foremost dudeman’s insides are on his outside and there are so many fucking things wrong with that. Not too mention he’s wearing a skin tight unitard and his package is well on display, yet somehow anatomically missing from his body suit. He looks like Richard Simmons, Bob Saget and (old school) Howie Mandell all jizzed in a cup together and gave it to some lucky female recipient who wanted to bear the ultimate 1980′s freak.
Mission-a-fucking-complished.
