Whenever you go out to a bar with friends, outside of the ritual ordering of beers, pitchers, or pitchers of margaritas, there is always one question that is toughest to answer – nachos or chicken wings.
That’s it folks, it’s quite possibly the hardest question for any bar-going patron to answer because both options are so good. This Captain has noticed that what you pick says a lot about your personality.
Captain Polish became infamous in his internship imploring this small prank on his bosses. One may think this would have gotten his job revoked but it did not, possibly because he worked for Play Now (a playground equipment company in NYC) Instead, he was given a promotion and large raise. So without further adieu:
Every email you receive from a fellow colleague that doesn’t require a reply:
1. Click the reply button
2. Replace the RE with the word Accepted:
3. Press send
4. See how many people can be tricked thinking they accidentally sent a calendar invite rather than an email.
5. Upon a colleague’s nervous reaction yell April fools! And if it’s a very lax office feel free to use the word bitch in the response as well.
Today in this ever popular series we will be discussing the magical instrument that have several uses. The instrument I am talking about are the Spoons. Yes folks, the Spoons. One minute you could be feeding grandpa his puree of prunes, the next you could be rocking out on stage for the whole nursing home. They are easy to play, but hard to master. Mind you being a master spoon player probably won’t get you far in life, but you’ll look damn cool trying to do so.
The spoons originated in Ireland and were not actually spoons, but bones. How badass is that!? If someone asked you what musical instrument you play, you would say, “I play the bones bitch.” First thing I would think is don’t fuck with this man, or he will kill me and use my femur for an instrument in his band that included, but not limited to, a Jug and a Washboard player.
Now I know we all have tried to play the spoons at one time or another probably failing miserably and/or looking like a retard doing so. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep on trying. Take the Amazing Scotty Brothers for example, they started out sucking ass at playing the spoons, but after several hundred years of practice they became spoon masters. See for yourself in this exclusive video titled, “The Amazing Scotty Brothers Rocking The Shit Out Of Those God Damn Spoons”. Enjoy.
This last week was the most bizarre week of me life, hands down. It all began with a plane ride west to plunder the town of Lake Tahoe incessantly until the natives gave up their booty, but what happened next made no sense at all.
Note: This story is extremely stupid.
TCM highly recommends you DVR two episodes of each show and save them for Sunday hangovers.
10 – Eastbound & Down – HBO (A lot of potential)
9 – Ax Men – History Channel (Learn about where non-recycled paper comes from)
8 – Important Things with Demetri Martin – Comedy Central
No its not a new porno staring Ron Jeremy and the local McDonald’s employees, its an actual sandwich. What is it you ask? Take a double cheeseburger and a McChicken sandwich. Separate the double cheeseburger so you have one patty on each side of the buns then place the McChicken sandwich in between the burger patty’s. Eat. Die.
Not 100% sure if you can go up to a McDonald’s window and order a “McGangBang” expecting them to know what it is but give it a whirl anyways and let us know.
For more awesome heart stopping food, visit this site.
The voice of the ShamWow, Vince Shlomi, was arrested this weekend for punching a prostitute in the face. I’ll stop and let you laugh for a minute…
…Ok all good? Well, apparently she bit his tongue while they were doing business and Mr. Shlomi didn’t take too kindly, so he rocked her in the face with a right hook. The aftermath can be seen below. All TCM can say is, “That bitch got fucked up!”
Editor’s Note: May I suggest next time you slap someone you shout “ShamSlap!” while doing so. The phrase will eventually catch on.
Who’s idea was it to bring a sign to a sporting event? After doing some research, it dates back to Ancient Roman times. It appears that fans wanted their favorite gladiators to hear what they were thinking. In a crowd of 30,000 that is quite tough to get across what you are trying to say. So a man by the name of Captineous Yar and his pals Kirkeous and Polish decided it would be a good idea to get some paper and write what they wanted to say. We actually have a photo of that very first sign which can be seen here. Little did they know that they would soon start a cultural phenomenon. Everyone saw their sign and said to themselves, why the hell don’t we do that? Soon everyone was writing their words on big pieces of paper.
This continued for centuries until the Roman Empire fell. People realized that these signs could be used for other uses rather then just at sporting events. On the ancient battlefields when armies were standing across from one another, they would have signs in order to talk shit about each other. Such comments seen were, “After killing you and your soldiers, I will personally shit in each of your mouths.” Such a comment gathered this response, “O yea!? I just raped your dog to get all fired up to chop your head off!” These of course are more extreme cases but you can get the idea of how these signs were used.
Side Note: If you think about it, Pirates technically used their flags as signs…a sign that basically said I’m Gonna Kick Your Ass.
So, this brings us to current day signage at events. Today, people are more green about their use of signs. Instead of wasting paper they just paint themselves with their teams colors, or gather a few friends and paint letters on their chests. This is good and all but sometimes it is unclear as to what they are trying to spell. You have people asking, “Is that a lower case E or a J? I can’t tell because that guys tits are covering the top of the letter!” Some people should just stick to signs and keep their shirts on.
At TCM, we salute the men who invented signs seen at sporting events. It’s a great way to express your feelings. Whether they be happy, angry or sad feelings, let the world know how you feel. So go ahead, grab that piece of oak tag, your sharpie and start writing, you modern day Shakespeare. There are never enough ways to spell out ESPN because Every Special Person Needs attention.
