Please be thankful of Raptor Jesus.
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Treasure Chest for April, 2009
Apr102009
Wanna be old school?
You can now be “that guy/girl” walking down the street talking on your phone using one of these:
According to the website, these are radiation free! So you can talk on these without the fear of turning your brain into tapioca pudding.
How ballin’ would you be if you are in a meeting, your phone starts to ring, you say, “Excuse me, I need to get this”, and you pull out that badboy. Yes, everyone would envy you and the life you live. So what are you waiting for? Head on over and become the coolest cat in the office/bar/home/hospital!
Apr102009
highDEAS
Potheads listen up! Have you ever been sitting on your couch all highed up brainstorming the next great idea to change mankind? Sure, we all have. But have you forgotten to write that idea down before it gets crushed by the weight of an even greater idea? Yes you have. Well, worry no more! highDEAS is a website dedicated to you, the pothead inventor.
This website allows you to log on and submit your amazing ideas to the world. Whether it be an idea that allows you to take a dump in the urinal without sitting down or a new television show that ties a camera to a fish. I don’t know about you, but I would sit and watch that shit all day long.
Well, here is the best idea on that website to give you a taste of what you are up against.
Midget Village
Buy a forest. Adopt 8 midget babies every year (mixed race). Be the only non-midget around and raise them to think you’re their god.
Now its your turn to go and become the next great creator.
Apr102009
Top 10 Dave Attell Quotes
This guy is the funniest comedian around today. Here is a list of his top 10 quotes:
#10
You can say, ‘Can I use your bathroom?’ and nobody cares. But if you ask, ‘Can I use the plop-plop machine?’ it always breaks the conversation.
Apr92009
A day late and many dollars short
15 years ago Kurt Cobain died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. This isn’t going to be one of those rants or senseless tributes paying tribute to a guy that many people never met or knew including this writer – it’s just a post to remind readers of some of the awesome music he created in his very short life.
Apr92009
Nobody Fuck With Him
Not to be sacreligious considering Easter, Passover, and just about every other religious holiday is this coming weekend, but Captain Yar’s earlier post got me thinking about something this site is badly missing – Jesus. Enjoy:
Apr92009
Obama Fried Chicken
That’s right folks…Obama Fried Chicken!
WoooWee! Sounds like good ol’ country cookin. This place of fried goodness is on the corner of Rutland Road and Rockaway Parkway in Brownsville, Brooklyn.
A lot of people don’t like the name, saying its offensive and racist. I don’t personally think it is racist. Hell, if I was Obama, I’d be proud. I mean come on, when was the last time you ever had a bad piece of fried chicken?
Keep an eye out for Bush’s Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Apr92009
Be careful where you fart
If you are a regular farter, I’d watch out where you let ‘em rip from now on.
Apparently in Texas, a man was stabbed for farting. That’s right…stabbed for farting. The stabber was so upset at the farter, that he threw a knife at him hitting him in the leg then attacking a second time this time getting him in the chest.
When the attacker was asked why he got so angry at the farting man, he responded, “Ever been forced to funnel a fart? It’s not fun.” He went on to say, “You know how some war veterans are shell shocked? That when they hear a loud noise it brings back bad memories from battle. Yea, when I hear farts, I get fart shocked.”
Lucky for Captain Kirk, his ass is a barren wasteland that doesn’t product such a thing. Captain Polish…not so lucky.
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