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Treasure Chest for September, 2009


Top Ten
Sep42009

Top 10 People That Suck At Life

You all have been waiting for something like this…I know. So TCM is going to deliver. And deliver big. I could go on explaining this, but I can tell you are already anxious to see what we have.

#10 – The Sorority Slore

10 Top 10 People That Suck At Life

The sorority slore. I am sure many people reading this that have been to a college has seen them strutting their geek (not a misspell) letters around campus. Some of them are quite hot, there is no question about it–which is why they are high up on the list. The reason they are on this list is because of the absurd, fake and whoreish life they live. You will never see a lone sorority girl. When you see one, you will know at least 15 of them aren’t too far behind all wearing the same clothes. It’s funny because they are all supposed to be “best friends” even if 12 of them have slept with your boyfriend several times. I could honestly go on, and I have. Go here to see more on this fascinating creature.

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Music, Video
Sep42009

Vultures, Of The Crooked Variety

I’ll admit it. I’m border line obsessing over these guys.  The thing is I love music, but I feel like the older I get the more and more I get let down by new albums I’m looking forward to. Them Crooked Vultures came out of nowhere and instantly beat my ass down with a slightly used umbrella.

This is the longest segment so far (almost a minute) for a track titled “Scumbag Blues”, possibly a tribute to the inventor of the truck nuts. This song makes me feel like I should be in a swanky British office building drinking Brandy, toasting to evil, smoking a cigar and plotting my take over of the world.

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Click here for tour dates.


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Movies
Sep32009

Boondock Saints

It’s been goddamn forever since Boondock Saints was released way back in 1999. It is an amazing film for those who have not seen it. In a nutshell: 2 Irish brothers killing Russian and Italian mobsters.

For those who have seen it, the day has come. Boondock Saints II: All Saints day has an official release date. October 30th, 2009.

Fuck yea.

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Good investigating Capt. Small Dogs.


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Music, Video Games
Sep32009

9/9/09 Beatles Judgement Day

It’s finally happening. You can all breathe a sigh of relief. The single greatest and most influential band of all time (no, not Journey) will reissue their entire catalog in both mono and stereo on September 9, 2009. When CD’s first made their debut, the Beatles jumped on the bandwagon in 1987. These CD’s have never received a proper upgrade in 22 years. The same shitty low mix, I’ve had the joy of hearing my whole lifetime. When the the Cirque de Soleil soundtrack/Beatles mash up album, Love came out in 2006 I didn’t care for it, but the Beatles song in it were remixed and sounded incredible. If this is what we have to look forward too than dear lord, the Fire Dept. is going to have to axe my door down and save me from a pool of my own sweat and semen.

beatlesstereoofficial2 9/9/09 Beatles Judgement Day

But wait, that’s not it.

The Beatles are hitting the 21st century (late) but hard. Also, on September 9th, they are releasing their version of the video game, Rock Band. Boasting the ability to sing duel harmonies (the first of it’s kind for the franchise). Years in the making this game looks it, especially with its attention to detail. Look for yourself, because I won’t be there for you.

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These 2 releases are enough to bring the U.S. out of the economic slump.

Mark my words, the next in the Rock Band series: Nirvana. With such an immensely popular band and such a short career, the powers that be will continue to rape them for all they are worth.


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Stupid Stuff
Sep22009

No, you’re not a stalker….

This was sent in by a TCM faithful…

To preface the story…I brought my gf to a wedding in Skaneateles [NY]…we were thrown with a table of random people our age who we didn’t know, as expected, located directly in front of the bar. One dude at our table came stag and we struck up conversation with him throughout the night, seemed fairly normal. This un-named stud friended me on facebook the next day, tagged me in a few photos, etc….all was cute and well until a week later when she [his girlfriend] received this handwritten love letter via snail mail. The guy looked her up in the phone book, found her address and mailed the letter addressed to her. I was not involved in the transaction and as far as I know, this guy has no clue that I (or thousands of others now) have read it. I have the original on my desk. Naturally, I scanned the letter and sent it to all my friends.

Without further adieu, the letter.

loveletter1 No, youre not a stalker....

loveletter2 No, youre not a stalker....

Some things I would like to note about this letter.

  1. Coming out first and saying you are not a stalker is extremely stalkerish and creepy.
  2. Going out of the way to look someone up in the phone book through their parents name is incredibly stalkerish.
  3. This kid claims to have a camp. Not a home, a camp. That is creepy as fuck, who knows what or who he has tied up or buried there.
  4. He was in a frat at Buff State and they have a rush party with an ice louge. Learn how to spell college grad.
  5. He would like to bring a pretty girl back to the college scene to get the hormones going. Ok creepasaurus, you obviously didn’t get laid too often in college. We aren’t in the 1950s anymore. Words like sex, fuck, horny and so forth are used now-a-days. Next thing you know this shithead will be asking to “court” this poor girl.
  6. He ends it off with saying she has a similar “adventurous” personality like him. Nothing says stalker like you knowing someone for an hour, then claiming to know what they are all about. I’m sure this guy says that about every girl he meets, including his blowup doll.
  7. He does have a point though, “but letters are exciting”. So are boob and vagina letters…very exciting.

I am going to finish this off with a final verdict, you are a stalker.


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Stupid Stuff, Television
Sep22009

I’m Feeling Pretty Good About September

This may be a day late, but I got a good feeling about September. Upon changing my Family Guy calendar, I was surprised and excited to see that this is indeed Evil Monkey month:

fg evil monkey Im Feeling Pretty Good About September

Who is the Evil Monkey might you ask? This clip should give you everything you need to figure it out:



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Pastime
Sep22009

Reading Rainbow Is Kaput.

It’s a sad day for all. After 26 years of being on the air, Reading Rainbow and frontman LeVar Burton will be done for good. I figured I would post this up because everyone has at least seen one episode of this show. If you haven’t then you are probably blind, deaf, retarded or dead.

I recall waking up, putting on my man LeVar and going on adventures with him and his ethnically diverse gang of children. O yea, it also introduced me to what and LSD trip looks like. Don’t remember? Just take a look at the opening theme!

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“But you don’t have to take my word for it…”


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Man Moments
Sep22009

Men, Women And The Urine Nation

As our ongoing study of women continues, TCM has determined a fundamental difference between men and women. What we are talking about here, is the word “piss”. Women never refer to the act of urination as pisssing. This is a male only term. If your girlfriend/wife/sister/lover does use this word, they are most likely hiding something and it is time to look elsewhere.

Previously, we reported on men and their use of only primary colors. The more information our field studies convey, the more we will keep you informed.


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