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Treasure Chest for December, 2009


Dec72009

Odd Chum

We’ve gone and done it. Not only is this week Viking week, but this is the first week we will be running cartoons by a contributing pirate who goes by the name of Lieutenant Sketch.

Sketch’s cartoon, simply called “Odd Chum”, will appear one to two times per week. Topics are basically anything that comes out of his mind no matter how twisted it is. There is definitely a big opportunity for reader influenced cartoons so don’t be bashful. Captain Flintheart actually requested this first one months ago:

OddChum Viking chick in bar Odd Chum

Happy Viking Week.



Dec72009

Vikings…A Brief Overview Of Badassness

viking Vikings...A Brief Overview Of Badassness

Vikings really had their shit figured out. They lived mostly in places with horrible climates (i.e. Norway, Greenland), the men would periodically get together and leave their wives and families and head to sea. They would than search for land, get out, and start fucking shit up. They destroyed, plundered, raped and murdered. They also more than likely listened to the Nightmare River Band. Not to mention feasted, drank, grew unbelievable awesome beards and worshiped Thor. Honestly, what’s not to like?

What also impresses me is their incredibly vast vocabulary, especially for naming countries. Iceland, Greenland, Newfoundland…they all sound like levels in Mario 3. However, in Flintheart’s opinion their crowning achievement (no pun intended) was the skull cup. This my friends is exactly what it sounds like. Occasionally when the mood would strike them, Vikings would hollow out the skull of their defeated enemies and gulp booze out of it. Even those freak shows eating chilled monkey brains in Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Doom weren’t that insane/badass.

That alone is reason enough to celebrate these men by giving them a whole week of exposure on The Captains Memos. Check back daily to get your ass some Viking knowledge and to pay tribute to some serious mother fuckers (literally).



Dec72009

Viking Week.

Yes indeed. If you have been around here long enough, you will remember Pirate Week several months back where we highlighted pirates throughout the week. Well Theme Week has returned, this time with a sledgehammer to your nuts battle axe right in your face.

Viking Week

vikingbadass Viking Week.

Throughout this week, we will be showcasing the pure intense badassness that is the Viking. Vikings have been around for eons, raping, pillaging, murdering, and the occasional eating of human flesh (I’m pretty sure I just made that up). We would like you to join us in our journey this week where Vikings will rule TCM.

Side Note: For those who don’t like Vikings, we will still have our usual retarded banter, so stay with us or you will be eaten by Captain Polish. No joke, he will find you and eat you.

Enjoy.



Dec42009

Photo Of The Day!


TMNT Photo Of The Day!

Thanks to reader, Christy for passing this our way.



Dec32009

Mr. T’s Flavorwave

This is a real infomercial. I stayed up late the other night so I could finish watching the whole thing. Mr. T has some genius one liners, also note this is the fakest studio audience you will likely ever see. It is clearly edited from another tv program.

Bottom line: if Mr. T is on tv, people will happily watch it (the captains  included).

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Dec22009

The Myth Of The Sadie Hawkins Dance

1950s School Dance The Myth Of The Sadie Hawkins Dance

Ah yes, the infamous dance when the women ask the guys. Does such a thing actually exist? Further more, who the fuck is Sadie Hawkins?

Growing up I had seen this as premise on mutiple tv sitcoms (who could forget the Saved By The Bell episode where Zack so desperatley wanted Kelly to ask him to the dance that he uses subliminal messages to brainwash her and his scheme goes awry). I’m sure their is a Wonder Years episode featuring this, Full House, Family ties etc. But my school never did this and neither did anyone elses that I’ve ever asked. Maybe it did happen in the 50′s and 60′s but if that’s the case why do sitcoms continue to use this outdated social situation as concept to base an episode around?



Dec12009

Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

We here at TCM have been very candid in the past about our disdain for Facebook. I have an account, but don’t normally use it. I like having an account so I can get messages from friends I no longer see because of distance and receive photos (not ones of me being a drunken idiot though).

I’ve been totally enamored with Facebook now that my job is now creating a profile and have decided that there are really four types of users:


- There are people like me that like to use Facebook as a means to communicate with distant friends;
- There are people that use Facebook to plan their social activities and keep up on the gossip;
- There are people that use Facebook for entertainment by looking up old friends, flames, etc. and using all the apps;
- Then there are people that combine all of these uses and then some making themselves what I’ve coined an Out of Control Facebooker.

facebook gifts Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

The Out of Control Facebooker is a crazy bird. No one knows where they originate from, but there has to be a great deal of neglect in their lives. Signs to detect an Out of Control Facebooker include, but is not limited to:


- Commenting on your photos when you haven’t seen them in years;
- Liking/Disliking photos or status when you haven’t seen them in years;
- Friending your friends;
- Friending people they don’t know so they can look at their pictures which includes their friends;
- Friending people they just met;
- Updating their status more than 3 times daily;
- Consistently sending apps to people that do not use them; and
- Sending blast Facebook generated emails to people inviting them to events that they have no intention of going to.

The reason this blog/rant is happening today is because I’m at my braking point. I friended someone a year ago and something happened to this person that they now insist on sending me invites to their birthday party, business meeting, etc. I haven’t talked to this person for close to 10 years. I was never true friends with the person so I was surprised when they wanted to be friends in the first place.

Looking back I should’ve blocked the invite, but I didn’t. I can defriend the person, but that’s too much effort. I’m not up on that term, but apparently Webster picked it as the word of the year for 2009. Man we’re fucked.

I’m not looking for pity in this post. I’m just looking to highlight the fact that there are people out there that are just out of control in their Facebook usage.

If you use Facebook, are reading this blog, and you think I described you, well I halfheartedly apologize. You got to realize that you are annoying the shit out of people that just don’t give a shit about what you are doing.

If you were directed to the site from Facebook, like 23% of our readers are, well at least you know we’re disgruntled about Out of Control Facebookers and are only milking Facebook’s teets so we can increase our readership. Speaking of which, I found this image when looking for an appropriate image for this post:

facebook bans breastfeeding pm Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

You probably saw this already from an Out of Control Facebooker. This rant is over. Where’s my Xanax.



Dec12009

Beastman Vs. Skeletor

Legendary.

Captain Polish showed me this video in 2002. That night is forever etched in my memory. I brought it back to my college and I’ve never seen people take to something so fast in my life. It became a full blown phenomenon with everyone I knew. It was the last thing we watched before we headed out after pre-gaming.

Created for CKY 4 by Brandon DiCamillio and Bam Margera before their career on Jackass. It’s bizarre, crude and disturbing and in the process reveals the truth about the relationship between Skeletor and Beastman (of He-Man fame)

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