We all know there are many bitches in the world (don’t tell Lindsay we used this pic – she’ll sue), but one little 3rd grader from Washington D.C. added about another 90 classifications to the list.
Here’s page 1 of the list that some teacher grabbed off the ground:
Imagine what the other four pages looked like!
See if you can identify with any of these “new bitches,” bitches.
Thanks for loyal reader Gabbalicious for passing this along.
Pearl Jam is hitting the road again! The fellas are gearing up for a long summer of sloring over in Europe and decided to visit the Northeast and play a bunch of tunes:
The band is touring to support “Backspacer” which received critical acclaim upon its release in the fall and quickly found its way into my CD library at home (where it stayed for months without being listened to). There were some good songs on it, but it marked the end of the 2-3 minute recording room jam sessions that made “Ten” timeless.
While this past CD didn’t really do it for me, seeing them live is an experience. It’s made me spoiled to go to another show and expect at least 2 hours of play minimum. If you can swing it, I suggest you see a show. It’s definitely worth the money. Just don’t wait to get tickets – they go faster than Captain Flintheart when he’s pleasuring his mistress.
Simple, eat a cup of gravy:
It worked for me, but it ended up dominated my stomach later that night. Nonetheless my dinner was bought for me and at quite a price…
If you’re reading this blog I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ve been on an airplane before. Airplanes are great. They can move you around the country/world quickly, they force you to meet new people so you can improve your social skills, and they provide you with an opportunity to join the Mile High Club. The one big thing about airplanes that stinks are airplane farts (no pun intended).
Airplane farts are what they sound like: its when a passenger or flight attendant farts on an airplane. Farting on an airplane is worse than farting anywhere else because the air in the cabin is trapped until the plane is depressurized. Basically, if you fart on a plane it can stick with the plane and its inhabitants until you land which may be anywhere from 1 to 16 hours depending on where you’re going.
The worst thing about an airplane fart is that you have no idea where it comes from. It could come from the smelly, fat guy sitting next to you who’s molesting your arm chairs while he’s waiting for his order of double soda or the sweet little old lady on the other side of you who’s knitting. Like an Agatha Christy novel, everyone’s a suspect.
I’m talking about airplane farts today because just this past week someone laid the mother of all farts on the ride home through Chicago. It was silent, it was unprovoked, and it made people gag. Imagine this, you’re sitting back, listening to some Pearl Jam on your iPod, daydreaming, loving life as much as you can until, BAMMM, all you smell is a fart. You can’t escape it. You can’t do anything to make the situation better. You just have to sit there and take it. When I left the plane, I swear I smelled just like a fart and considered using the Chris Farley method to clean myself up.
There’s been a movement of foot though recently to cut down on airplane farters, smelly passengers, and fat people on planes. Soon only a privileged few of us will be able to ride in comfort and soon Captain Flintheart will have to make other accommodations to travel.
So the next time you’re on an airplane and have to fart, think about the other people who’s trip you will make a living hell and try to squeeze one out in the bathroom. Then you can be part of the Mile High Poop Club instead of ruining other people’s lives.
I’m back. I had a chance to see things from the Colorado perspective for the past week or so and let me tell you, our friends out there know how to choogle. They also know about some funny, independent TV shows such as Trailer Park Boys’.
This show is about a three buddies who live in a trailer park and are just trying to get by. When I say trying to get by, I mean that they are trying to live a life of drunkeness, drug use, and sex all while trying to outwit the drunk, gay landlords of the trailer park. It sounds offbeat, but it grows on you. Check out this “trailer” below to get a whiff of what Trailer Park Boys’ has to offer:
I highly suggest Netflixing these DVDs, securing a good eighth of booze, and setting aside a few days to experience what life is like as a Canadian.
We’re back with more posts from the Vault:
- Captain Yar had a good post exploring the possibility of mascots developing their own species. The concept is wild, but wouldn’t it be awesome if you were at the same bar as Mr. Met and Grimace?
- A Captain Kirk gem: the guide to using a public bathroom. Learn about how to select the right stall and why to avoid going with door number one.
- Captain Yar’s love for Ecto Cooler is unparalleled. I heard he used to sleep with six-packs under his pillow, but maybe that is all hearsay. Lord knows.
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