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StumbleMar92010
How to win a free meal when dining with friends
Simple, eat a cup of gravy:
It worked for me, but it ended up dominated my stomach later that night. Nonetheless my dinner was bought for me and at quite a price…
Mar42010
Airplane Farts
If you’re reading this blog I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ve been on an airplane before. Airplanes are great. They can move you around the country/world quickly, they force you to meet new people so you can improve your social skills, and they provide you with an opportunity to join the Mile High Club. The one big thing about airplanes that stinks are airplane farts (no pun intended).
Airplane farts are what they sound like: its when a passenger or flight attendant farts on an airplane. Farting on an airplane is worse than farting anywhere else because the air in the cabin is trapped until the plane is depressurized. Basically, if you fart on a plane it can stick with the plane and its inhabitants until you land which may be anywhere from 1 to 16 hours depending on where you’re going.
The worst thing about an airplane fart is that you have no idea where it comes from. It could come from the smelly, fat guy sitting next to you who’s molesting your arm chairs while he’s waiting for his order of double soda or the sweet little old lady on the other side of you who’s knitting. Like an Agatha Christy novel, everyone’s a suspect.
I’m talking about airplane farts today because just this past week someone laid the mother of all farts on the ride home through Chicago. It was silent, it was unprovoked, and it made people gag. Imagine this, you’re sitting back, listening to some Pearl Jam on your iPod, daydreaming, loving life as much as you can until, BAMMM, all you smell is a fart. You can’t escape it. You can’t do anything to make the situation better. You just have to sit there and take it. When I left the plane, I swear I smelled just like a fart and considered using the Chris Farley method to clean myself up.
There’s been a movement of foot though recently to cut down on airplane farters, smelly passengers, and fat people on planes. Soon only a privileged few of us will be able to ride in comfort and soon Captain Flintheart will have to make other accommodations to travel.
So the next time you’re on an airplane and have to fart, think about the other people who’s trip you will make a living hell and try to squeeze one out in the bathroom. Then you can be part of the Mile High Poop Club instead of ruining other people’s lives.
Mar32010
Trailer Park Boys’
I’m back. I had a chance to see things from the Colorado perspective for the past week or so and let me tell you, our friends out there know how to choogle. They also know about some funny, independent TV shows such as Trailer Park Boys’.
This show is about a three buddies who live in a trailer park and are just trying to get by. When I say trying to get by, I mean that they are trying to live a life of drunkeness, drug use, and sex all while trying to outwit the drunk, gay landlords of the trailer park. It sounds offbeat, but it grows on you. Check out this “trailer” below to get a whiff of what Trailer Park Boys’ has to offer:
Get the Flash Player to see this content.
I highly suggest Netflixing these DVDs, securing a good eighth of booze, and setting aside a few days to experience what life is like as a Canadian.
Mar22010
The Vault
We’re back with more posts from the Vault:
- Captain Yar had a good post exploring the possibility of mascots developing their own species. The concept is wild, but wouldn’t it be awesome if you were at the same bar as Mr. Met and Grimace?
- A Captain Kirk gem: the guide to using a public bathroom. Learn about how to select the right stall and why to avoid going with door number one.
- Captain Yar’s love for Ecto Cooler is unparalleled. I heard he used to sleep with six-packs under his pillow, but maybe that is all hearsay. Lord knows.
Feb232010
Captain of the Month – February 2010
We’ve been slipping a bit and did not produce a Captain of the Month for January. And for that, we’re sorry. I think it had something to do with the extended period of Captain Flintheart, but I can’t be too sure. Anyhow for February you’re in luck because we’re making up for this mishap by paying tribute to a legendary Captain – Captain Phil Harris.
Who was Captain Phil Harris? Many of us might know him as the Captain of the Cornelia Marie on the Deadliest Catch, others simply know him as Captain Phil, and many others know him (or wanted to know him) as a friend.
This past month, Captain Phil succumbed to a stroke while off-loading crab in the Bering Strait. A TV icon, Captain, father, husband, and friend to many was lost in a matter of moments. In the Bering Strait, there is no room for error or mistakes. Having a stroke is not either, but given the conditions of Captain Phil’s work environment, the chances of survival were minimal. At sea, even the smallest ailment, such as a cold or flu, can become deadly.
While many of us hide behind our desks and computers putting in a “challenging and grueling” 8+ hour day, Captain Phil and his crew routinely work for days straight without rest. Our complaints about cold coffee and broken printers pale in comparison to working on a fishing boat in the middle of winter in the Alaskan Bering Strait where frequent storms, in-climate weather, and hardships are the norm.
When tallying up man points, who wins?
Hardcore dudes rocking out on a fishing boat in the dead of winter.
Dudes rocking the shit out of a printer in the middle of a field.
I’m throwing my lot in for Captain Phil and his crew on the Cornelia Marie.
The point I’m trying to make here is that when you think about what men are supposed to be doing, it’s definitely not sitting behind a computer all day. Captain Phil Harris gave us a glimpse into the past where men where men, they stuck to their decisions, they worked their ass off because they had to, and took everything thrown at them in stride.
When I think about sitting behind my desk, dealing with corporate bullshit, and listening to all of my complaining co-workers, I take solace in knowing I got it easy. I usually sit back for a moment, close my eyes, and think of what others like Captain Phil do for a living to put bread on their plate. It gives me a sense of determination to sack up and keep my complaints to myself. It reminds me to not be such a pussy.
Captain Phil is the last of a dying breed of men who exist in the Alaska’s of the world. Next time you decide your job is too demanding, too tough, too stressful, think of men like Captain Phil who gave his life for what he loved – crabbing on a boat and being a leader of men – all to provide for his family and for himself.
RIP Captain Phil Harris.
