Nine years ago when I was drinking/smoking my way through college, a bunch of buddies and I encountered a dilemma. You see we were all trying to get a suite, a housing arrangement that allows for 6 people to live in the same quarters, in the cool part of campus. It turned out because of our grades and combined low intelligence, this group was split up and put into other suites with strangers. One of my buddies more or less said “fuck this” and didn’t decide to come back to school.
So, in August 2002 when we moved in we met this guy that resembled Gilbert Gottfried (voice of the parrot in Aladdin movies) who informed us that he was living in this room with with a buddy who was Quagmire reincarnated (except for his penchant for fat chicks). This guy seemed pretty tame, but in a matter of days once we gave him the nickname of Yargov he came out of his shell, big time.
Yargov is a man who wore the baggiest t-shirts and the tightest jeans. He used barber gel in his hair that made you think that you were in a barbershop – the one that you would tend to try to avoid once you walk into it and take a whiff. Yargov loved chess and Jack Daniels. A good Thursday night for him was getting hammered on Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper and playing everyone in our suite in chess. He would talk unbelievable smack talk as he kicked our asses, one by one.
Yargov was 26 while we weren’t even old enough to drink. He decided to come back to school from Brooklyn so he could get a Zoology degree which would now enable him to understand animals as well as humans since he had an undergrad pysch degree. He would challenge people to ask him a question about an animal and he would tell them everything he knew about the animal and then some. He may have been a genius, but could come off as strange and a wacko to certain people.
His three best stories?
3. I once got hammered and pissed on him and rectified the situation by giving him my bed sheets. Not really funny for him, but it goes down as one of his best stories because that just doesn’t happen too much these days.
2. At a party, he showed his chicken heart to a buddy and his girlfriend.
1. On command, he sought out a fat chick and had sex with her. Not deserving of a #1 nod you say? Bull shit. I told him to “get drunk and fuck a fat chick” one night. Sure enough, the next morning I got a note under my door that said: “I fucked a fat chick. ~Yargov”
This guy is a character to the extreme and I hope you get that point. If NBC would sign him to a long-term deal, they may actually have interesting TV.
The reason I wrote this mock tribute to Yargov is because after years of having no contact with the guy, I learned that he writes a blog. His blog is pretty phenomenal. Check it out. It may change your life.