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Mar182009
What Grinds My Gears
Did you know that if you dial 911 and hang up before speaking or explaining the purpose of the call, emergency services will call back almost immediately to ensure everything is ok. This is one of the best examples of a public service working to the best of its ability, creating a sense of safety and security throughout America. The creator of 911 deserves a nobel peace prize.
Did you know that in order to dial out of any office line, the number 9 must be dialed first. This will then need to be followed by the number 1 in order to dial another city which happens quite often. The moment a finger slips (or spilled juice causes the buttons to stick) the 1 can easily be dialed twice causing the phone to dial emergency services. An immediate hang up will lead to a call back to ensure your safety. The creator of the press 9 to dial out rule deserves to be sacrificed to the Rancor.
Mar162009
Godzilla Angered by Pope’s Comments
Following the pope’s decision to lift the church’s “masturbation for life” vow for all his priests, he has stirred another controversy. In a recent interview with 60 minutes Trisha Takanawa, the pope reiterated his belief that there are no monsters to fear, as they are all creations of government in order to instill fear on the public, allowing them free reign and capital to squash any fears that have arisen.
Following the popes remarks, Godzilla has emerged from his hibernation deep beneath the sewers of Tokyo to set the record straight. Since Godzilla cannot speak words, only fire, he stepped into the limelight by destroying towns and defaming churches. Police fear any intervention may cause him to alter his anger toward the human race, and therefore have sidestepped the problem.
Still no word from Bigfoot but TCM can only assume he will be making an appearance within the next two weeks.
Mar122009
Fuzion Frenzy! …and those crazy Japanese
3…2…1…GO!
Fake Life: The opening line are the only four words you ever need to remember, as the remainder of the game is controlled by one thumb, pressed lightly upon the joystick of the XBOX 360 controller. In similar rendition to Gladiators the game is supported by four characters rolling within a ball and there is only one objective: To knock the competitors into the lava.
Real Life: And it only takes one semi-genius to know, as long as people don’t die, any game can easilly be adapted in the Japanese market. They will do anything.
Mar102009
Worst Pirate Themed Attraction Ever
Pirate Campground: Paint your own T-Shirt. Bingo. Make your own sundae. Chinese Auctions and BBQ’s. Even a free breakfast for dad on fathers day!
TCM is officially spreading the boycott. This is the worst pirate themed tourist attraction ever created. Upon further review of the site and activities, there is not one pirate theme to be found. The lake is not named after Black Beard. The sites are not shaped like skulls. There is no whore house or on site bar. You can’t even barter or pay in gold.
If you can find a worse pirate tourist attraction that this camp site, please send it to TCM for your chance to win a free T-shirt.
A suggestion from Captain Yar: Lets gather up a gang of pirates and hijack this blasphemous place. We will show them what its like to be a real “Pirate Themed Attraction”. We will meet at your local park and ride. Be sure to dress in proper attire. And don’t forget to sharpen your swords.
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