So a new candidate for the Governor of Alabama has decided to throw it all out there. He is pretty much saying that if you don’t speak English, then get the fuck out of Alabama. He puts it a little more politely though. Watch for yourselves.
Is it me or does this guy look like Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II?
“On April 17, 2010 Margera told the Artisan News Service the movie was 70% done and half the crew had been to the hospital with Margera having three broken ribs and a broken shoulder and a twisted ankle as we speak. One of the stunts Bam Margera stated he intended to film was entitled “The Worst Wake-up in the World” in which himself and Ryan Dunn would wake up Bam’s fellow friend Brandon Novak with “Defibrillators, then urinate onto his face, throw flour on him to cake the urine, punch him in each eye, and then release six vampire bats into the room, and lock the door.”
I wouldn’t bet against the these guys making another masterpiece. The Jackass crew crew seems to top themselves every time out and they are true entertainers. There will be pain. There will be nutsacks and taints. One more movie feels just about right anyway. The studio is expecting an October release for the film and all signs are looking good so far.
“According to Deadline.com, a stunt called “The Heli-cockter” has also been filmed and shown to Paramount executives in its 3D format to green light the project. Chris Pontius tethered a remote control-operated helicopter from his penis, and grinned whilst he swung it around.” So says Wikipedia.
This will be the best 3D movie of the year.
Originally by Captain Fuerza.
Old Spice has went and made some fantastic commercials with my main man Terry Crews. If you didn’t know who Terry Crews is, please look here.
Now that you know, check out his new awesome ads with Old Spice.
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The World Cup is coming to South Africa in June and if you’re like me you care fuck all about soccer. However these things only happen once every four years and they’re a blast/worth participating in. You don’t have to like soccer to rock out on it. The Cup presents opportunities for the fun, excitement, and possibly Brazilian girls. Here’s how to make it work…
Location
The last thing you want to do is go to a regular American bar or tavern. You need something a little exotic to enjoy the World Cup. Its hard to beat German Biergartens for the international atmosphere and awesome beer selection. This is going to be your best choice. There should be a number of strange accents and crazy European people coming out of the woodwork. This also means hot foreign chicks. Another option is Mexican restaurants who will probably have the craziest fans and best food. Dos Equis and tequila will give you a new appreciation for the game. I would avoid British pubs lest you be dragged into an actual soccer conversation though.
Behavior
Be respectful, but feel free to be the ignorant soccer fan you want to be. People get rowdy and patriotic all over the world for this tournament. Riots, brawls, and chaos are not uncommon. I say get loud and have fun during the Cup. Dress up in red, white, blue colors and tell anyone you see that America is gonna win it all. You can be a little obnoxious but don’t drift into Eagle’s fans territory (no one wants to see those sad fucks). Relax, sample as many world beers as possible, and check out foreign girls. Trash talk is fun but watch-out for hooligans.
Dangers
Hooligans, high-alcohol German beer, nationalism, annoying soccer chants
Pro’s
Exotic women, high alcohol German beer, seeing different cultures, shouting out “Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaal
Synopsis
Take the excuse for a party and go with it. Use it as a way to expand your knowledge of other nations and get drunk and happy with their peoples. Do it right and do it again in four years.
Originally by Captain Fuerza.
Owning a bong is a lot like adopting a child. It originally isn’t yours but you see it, fall in love with it, buy it, name it, and smoke out of it. With occasional cleaning depending on how much of a lazy ass you are. We here at TCM believe there are 3 steps to officially making a bong your “child”. Well, technically 4, but we will only do 3 for this article. Potheads, read and learn.
What
So your in the market for a bong. What a better place to shop than your local head shop? I’ll let you in on a secret. If you find a “bong” in the dumpster of an alley way there is a good chance that it wasn’t used for smoking weed. I’ll just leave it at that.
So you enter the head shop and see the array of bongs they have on display. The question that comes into mind is what type of bong are you looking for? If you are a normal pothead, then something like this will probably suffice. If you are a generous person, then a hookah will do you good. Or if you are a ballin’ ass, then splurge on this.
For the sake of this post, we will just say you went and bought a normal bong. After your purchase, you rush home with your new baby and prepare it for it’s new home.
Why
Why buy a bong? Why name it after you buy it? Why not just get some papers and roll your smoke up? Those are questions that idiots ask. So don’t answer them, I’ll do it for you.
You bought your bong because it is fun to smoke out of it, it adds some change into your normal boring ass life. You name it because it’s fun to name things like boats, dogs and your penis. As for smoking out of papers, that was probably the original reason to went to the head shop in the first place. A combination of the massive collection of beautiful bongs there and you being high as shit is what made you buy the bong. I’ve always said that weed is the devil on your shoulders telling you to do something that when sober, you normally wouldn’t. Like eat the dog shit off the floor because it looks like a mushed up brownie *cough* Captain Polish *cough*.
Anyways I am going to focus on the naming part of the whole bong experience. Here is a tip to naming your bong: Be creative. No one wants to ask you, “Hey what’s your bong’s name?” and you respond, “Smokey.” Real original you ass. Your bong is now a part of your life, so name it with care. A single name is ok, a first and last name is desired, a first, middle and last is good if you can remember it. Now, I prefer to use the 2nd option, using a first and last name. You can go nuts on this one. Again, I prefer to use a proper name when naming a bong. It gives it more of a character and personality than just naming it, “Killer”. Come on you reject, you can do better than that.
Who
Now that you know that you are going to name your bong, who do you name it after? Or do you make up a name for yourself? Well in case you have “name block” here are some suggestions:
Benjamin Disraeli
Herbert Gutierrez
Maximilian Faust
Terry Bolea
Commander Flex Plexico
Guts the Black Swordsman
Stump Chunkman
Roll Fizzlebeef
Craig T. Nelson
We could go on, but if you so happen to get a new bong on this joyous day of smoking weed, name it something creative and not dumb. It has to live with it for the rest of it’s days…or before you break it to scrape the resin out.
It’s summertime, baby! Bangin’ beats, hot bodies, icy cold brews and boardwalk bashes. Only the hottest can handle the heat. And this new Summer Share is looking for some new roommates.
If that doesn’t pump you up enough to sign up for Jersey Shore, then I’m not totally sure what is. I can hear Flintheart’s fist pumping the floor as I write this.
Mind you though, there are several stipulations when filling out this casting call application:
That’s fo real. If you think you got what it takes to be a douche, or already are a douche, or want to be a douche, then sign up you douche.
There is a band out there that goes by the name of Steel Panther. If you haven’t heard of them be sure to look them up. They are a metal band that dress like a mixture of Motley Crue, Def Leppard and the Scorpions. Not gonna lie, they rock pretty hard. Their lyrics, aside from their appearance, are what make them absolutely awesome. You can find a slew of their music videos on youtube which range from awesome to outright awesome. Be sure to check out Turn Out The Lights. Here is one of their newer songs, “Death To All But Metal.” With a cameo by the funny and pretty hot Sarah Silverman.
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You have officially been panthered.
