Treasure Chest for the Characters Category

Apr32009

Social Characters – The Douchebag

I’m sure everyone has been to a social club, aka the bar once in their lifetime. If not, then please move away from this post, you will not understand what we are talking about. For those who have been, we have all fraternized with people at these “social clubs”. Well here at TCM, we would like to introduce a new series to our site called Social Characters. Here we will discuss the types of people who attend these bars and what they possibly could be in the real world.

Today we will be talking about the douchebag. I figured this would be a good inaugural post since everyone hates these people. And yes you hate yourselves too you douchers.

First we will look at the definition of a “douchebag”:

A person with a shitty personality that needs to “take themself the fuck down” or “go home and get their fucking shine box.” A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.

Read More »

Captain Yar

7 Comments »

Tags: Douchebags

Characters, Women

Mar252009

Princessa Leia in all of her glory

…and when I say all of her glory, I mean a wacked-out web site dedicated to her awesome get-up in Return of the Jedi:

This was the hottest film anyone 5 years old was able to watch. Upon seeing Princess Leia, a generation of young boys realized what a boner was. If only half of them learned what to do with that boner, we’d have less IT people and the world would be a better place.

I know, this Captain has written too much about Star Wars this week, but it’s on me mind. Princess Leia and Chewbacca should have mated. There kids would’ve been cool, hairy, and hot – if any of that makes sense.

PS – TCM gives a big shout out to loyal reader “OBRIEN” for passing along this link!

Captain Polish

6 Comments »

Tags: chewbacca, metal bra, Star Wars

Characters, Video

Mar242009

Chewbacca

You read it right friends, Chewbacca. Chewbacca might be the coolest character ever created by man. Think about it: he’s a wookie, is 8-feet tall, sports a cross-bow, and can rip the arms off any human. That is awesome.

Outside of the legions of Star Wars fans dying to be like Chewbacca, there are many other references of Chewbacca in counter-culture. Using Google alone, there are over millions of references to Chewbacca. Here are some of them:

Chewbacca is the last surviving Wookie. Imagine being the last surviving human, hard to do right?

Chewbacca received the lifetime achievement award at the MTV Movie awards.

Chewbacca made it with Captain Yar’s girlfriend.

Chewbacca is in the lyrics of The Roof is on Fire by The Bloodhound Gang.

Chewbacca talks in gutteral noises and others can understand him. He’s simply too cool for words.

Chewbacca once ripped the arms off of a storm trooper and beat him to death with them.

Chewbacca influenced Johnny Cochrane to use the “Chewbacca Defense” in Southpark

In the movie Clerks, there is a song about Chewbacca sung none by Supernova:

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

Stay tuned for more character references from the Captains. Word has it Captain Kirk likes those Klingons.

Captain Polish

3 Comments »

Tags: chewbacca, Star Wars

Characters, Crazy

Mar182009

What Grinds My Gears

Did you know that if you dial 911 and hang up before speaking or explaining the purpose of the call, emergency services will call back almost immediately to ensure everything is ok. This is one of the best examples of a public service working to the best of its ability, creating a sense of safety and security throughout America. The creator of 911 deserves a nobel peace prize.

Did you know that in order to dial out of any office line, the number 9 must be dialed first. This will then need to be followed by the number 1 in order to dial another city which happens quite often. The moment a finger slips (or spilled juice causes the buttons to stick) the 1 can easily be dialed twice causing the phone to dial emergency services. An immediate hang up will lead to a call back to ensure your safety. The creator of the press 9 to dial out rule deserves to be sacrificed to the Rancor.

Captain Kirk

No Comments Yet, Be The First »

Tags: 911, Rancor

Characters, Crazy

Mar162009

Godzilla Angered by Pope’s Comments

Following the pope’s decision to lift the church’s “masturbation for life” vow for all his priests, he has stirred another controversy. In a recent interview with 60 minutes Trisha Takanawa, the pope reiterated his belief that there are no monsters to fear, as they are all creations of government in order to instill fear on the public, allowing them free reign and capital to squash any fears that have arisen.

Following the popes remarks, Godzilla has emerged from his hibernation deep beneath the sewers of Tokyo to set the record straight. Since Godzilla cannot speak words, only fire, he stepped into the limelight by destroying towns and defaming churches. Police fear any intervention may cause him to alter his anger toward the human race, and therefore have sidestepped the problem.