Simple, eat a cup of gravy:
It worked for me, but it ended up dominated my stomach later that night. Nonetheless my dinner was bought for me and at quite a price…
Treasure Chest for the ‘Food’ Category
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StumbleFeb122010
Return Of The Selleck Waterfall Sandwhich
It’s back. What every 50-year old fat woman and Captain Flintheart dream about, Tom Selleck, flowing waterfalls, and classic sandwiches. Honestly, can you ever really have enough of that brilliant trifecta?
and…
and of course…
I have no clue why there is a site built for this purpose, but somewhere someone is rejoicing right now (and it’s definitely someone who loves mustaches, food, and long walks on the beach).
Feb82010
Selleck Waterfall Sandwich
That is all. Tom Selleck, a waterfall and a sandwich. That is all this site has to offer. You have a problem with that…go take it up with Magnum PI.
O yea, this site has a pretty dope theme song as well. Check that shit out.
Jan192010
Sad Day for Humanity
Today is a sad day for humanity. The founder of Taco Bell, Glen Bell, has passed away. I never knew the man personally, but he definitely brought us the single greatest fast food restaurant in the world.
Let me explain:
You can argue for days as to who is better (McDonalds, Subway, Burger King, Dunkin Donuts, or Taco Bell) and you’ll have many different answers. The main reason why Taco Bell beats all of these out in my eyes is because not only did Glen Bell make Mexican food accessible for all Americans who weren’t neighbors with Mexico, but he made them crave it.
No one had to do this with cheeseburgers, french fries, chicken sandwiches, donuts, and turkey sandwiches – they’re as American as over taxation (and given our wastelines are enjoyed more than exercise). The explosion in Mexican and Hispanic eateries would not be well received with main stream America if Bell didn’t take the plunge.
Note: If you listen to the Herd, they covered the “big four” fast food restaurants this morning. This not a plug for the show or an attempt to steal their humor.
Long live the legacy of the man who brought us the 7-layer burrito and the Chalupa.
Thanks to Gabbalicious for passing this along.
Jan42010
Top 10 Condiments
Let’s face it – we all love our condiments. They make bland food taste better and horrible food edible. I know for certain that everyone has some sort of interaction with condiments. You might have some sort of ketchup fetish whereas your special lady or lover really loves mayonnaise piled all over everything she eats. I’ve seen it happen and it’s gross, but understandable. On a related note: Captain Yar told me some fetish he has with wasabi and soy that’ll blow your mind.
One thing is for certain with condiments, no two people can agree upon the best ones. Thank god for the Captains. Here’s the top ten condiments we believe you should be utilizing in your daily lives:
#10 – Gold’s Horseradish Sauce
Horseradish sauce? Yes. This shit is amazing. It has the power to spice up roast beef, pork loin, and Captain Polish’s favorite ethnic food – kielbasa. It also clears your sinuses out which is a plus if you have frequent attacks. The only downside to Horseradish Sauce is that it’s potency doesn’t last long after opened, especially Gold’s. That’s why you need to dominate this as fast as you can. Gentlemen, trying to impress a lady’s father? Bring over a bottle of this next time you go over for dinner and challenge the old man to eat some with you. He’ll never look at you the same way again.
Nov232009
Banana Flavored Anything
Have you ever noticed that banana flavored anything sucks? Today I had to forgo eating my standard apple cinnamon oatmeal for banana bread oatmeal. I didn’t think this would be a big deal because I like banana bread. Once I dove in and started my breakfast I realized that I made a big mistake – banana does not make a good flavoring for oatmeal.
I thought about what food actually goes well with bananas on the way to work and couldn’t develop much of a list. I could develop a list of foods that are bananna flavored and suck ass:
- Freeze Pops
- Popsicles
- Yogurt
- Ice Cream
- Gushers
- Fruit Roll Ups
- Sprees
- Gum Balls
The list can go on and on from here as far as I’m concerned. Bananas are really the worst flavor in any fruit or sugar flavored food as far as this Captain is concerned.
Side Note: Type “banana” into Google Images and see what you get. I got a pic of a woman with a huge bush as the third option. Wow. I was just looking for this image:
OK. That’s all I got on bananas.
Sep302009
Infinite Pizza Toppings
I love pizza, I could eat it everyday. I like my pizza with a ton of shit on it. When I make frozen pizzas i’ll raid my fridge for anything I can throw on top. Normally, I avoid plain cheese or just pepperoni at every chance I get. 10 years ago you had a choice of cheese, extra cheese, pepperoni or mushrooms (and sometimes sausage) or any combination of those toppings. That was it. In fact, I remember when “white” pizza came out…it was a huge deal. Anyway, that’s how the chain pizza stores rolled and mom and pop places too.
Now it’s a whole new ball game. You go to some places you can literally get anything you want. Oh, you want a half a chicken breast on your pizza? Done. You want egg plant parm on your pie? Fuck yea. You need your pizza equipped with a sacrificial lamb doused in the blood of a virgin? Check and Mate. This pizza joint by me even has a 2AM drunken Captain Flintheart pizza favorite, mash potatoes and bacon. I’ve never eaten it sober and it always makes me feel like a ninja turtle when I eat it, but it’s fucking delicious.
When did this trend begin? But more importantly what the fuck took so long to make this happen?
Aug202009
Free Starbucks
Goddammit, I hate Starbucks and just coffee for that matter. But I do like smoothies. You are a complete dickhole if you don’t like smoothies.
Ok before I say any other hurtful things, Captain Kirk passed this along and I figure I would share it with you all. It is a coupon to get a free smoothie from Seattle born Starbucks.
Go ahead, get your free smoothie and thank us later. Don’t say we never gave you anything.
.pdf Download (If you don’t have a .pdf reader on your computer by now, you just suck)
