We are not strangers to romance novels, at TCM. Captain Yar gave us an in depth review of the novel, Pleasuring A Pirate. While I won’t go into great detail on this book, I saw it with a stack of other books and it’s 1990′s Melrose Place cover stood out to me. So much sexual tension (and lack of side burns) conveyed in a single picture:
As I looked closer at the cover, something struck my eye. It’s not that this is an “Intimate Moments” book, but just the phrase, “the bodyguard in her bed” to me is absolutely hilarious. I’m not really sure why, but it’s fucking funny.
Let’s end this on a real life Amazon.com, 4 Star Review:
5 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars A VERY GOOD READ, October 9, 1999
By A Customer This review is from: Keeping Annie Safe (Paperback)
KEEPING ANNIE SAFE is a wonderful story revolving two very strong-willed people. The passion that ignites between the two and the danger involved will keep you on the edge of your seat and ready to jump into a cold shower. It’s a book worthy of your time and money.
As you all may know by now, TCM is a fan of Conan O’Brien, pure and simple. Well, I was lucky enough to see his show last Sunday at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut as he begins wrapping up the Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour. Gambling and alcohol is always a fine way to start off a show of any kind. As we submitted our nosebleed tickets to get in, the three other people I was with and myself all got upgraded for free to the 3rd row. Apparently, Conan is somehow even cooler than we had already suspected.
What followed was an incredible evening of pure insanity and surprisingly a lot of music. Conan both rearranged lyrics to well known songs to fit his current plight as well as just jamming out to songs he enjoyed. TCM would like to provide you with exclusive footage from the tour. Kicking off with a pre-recorded video, here is the first ten minutes of the show.
Conan was joined by both Andy Richter and the entire Tonight Show Band even Triumph, the Masturbating Bear and the Walker Texas Ranger Lever made cameos. At the end of the show Conan went through the crowd playing the guitar and shaking hands like the bonafide rock star that he is. He even began climbing the rows of seats in the back. Proving that he truly is the most amazing awkwardly tall Irishman that has ever graced that casino. TCM can’t wait to have you back on TV, Conan.
Watch Conan rock out to the White Stripes song, “Seven Nation Army”
If you don’t than consider yourself lucky. Way back in 1998, this waste of flesh won the MTV contest, “Wanna Be A VJ?” He beat out Dave Holmes..whom you may know now from FX’s DVD on TV. Holmes at least for starters is a human being with an everyday man persona that is quasi likable. I’m not sure what sewer tunnel or what used up trashy uterus that a had one night stand with Steven Tyler’s guitar tech’s brother that this mother fucker crawled out of, but he definitely should get back inside it. He was on MTV all the fucking time that year, you just couldn’t get away from him. How did this ever get allowed to happen!?!?
Oh, but it gets worse.
MTV let him record an album. Just to prep yourself TCM has included this review from the website, www.allmusic.com who is pretty straight forward and unbiased when it comes to their music reviews:
There may be more irritating fringe figures in the history of rock & roll, but none are worse than Jesse Camp. A spoiled suburban rich kid who decided that acting as if he were mentally retarded would be wickedly funny, Camp rode MTV’s manipulations into quasi-stardom, including such ridiculous highlights as gracing the cover of Spin magazine. Since he had wormed his way into celebrity, only one thing was left — have him produce something of substance that would sustain his fame. Hence, a recording contract and his debut album, Jesse & the 8th Street Kidz, a record that sounds as if it was released in 1989. Yes, Camp is keeping the hair metal flame burning in the nine-nine, complete with big, stupid hooks and big, stupid lyrics about “Wasted Youth,” “Griftin’,” “Sloppy Kisses,” and “Summertime Squatters.” He never turns the volume down, slowing a little bit for a power ballad with Stevie Nicks on “My Little Saviour” (which of course begs the question, what exactly did Nicks do to deserve this kind of punishment?). At times, the music is catchy, but most of the time it’s simply irritating, since Camp’s singing is every bit as grating as his persona. Perhaps this is just one big joke or perhaps Camp’s love of pop-metal is ironic, but it doesn’t change the fact that this record is unbearable.
You remember Urkel, don’t you? If you were a kid in the early 90′s chances are you probably loved him. If you’ve seen any repeats of Family Matter as an adult you likely have attempted to blow your brains out or at least destroyed your TV in a fit of rage. Only one man can be that annoying and his name is Stephen Urkel. Well, at one point Urkel was a full blow phenomenon…it’s kind of hard to picture now, but it happened. Lord knows it happened.
Remember the talking Urkel doll? It came equipped with so many hilarious catch phrases like, “got any cheeeese??” Observe:
Or how about Urkel-O’s cereal? I have to admit this one was a new one to me. For the life of me, I don’t remember this ever happening but apparently it did. I guess Mario And Luigi weren’t the only minorities to have a cereal in the 1990′s.
Thanks to Shaffer for both mortifying me with this knowledge and bringing it to my attention.
I’m an avid reader of Dan Savage’s ‘Savage Love’ column that is published in, but not limited to, the weekly Capital Region publication, the Metroland. He gives sex advice that usually entertains the fuck out of me, and I’m assuming most of his readers as well. When I once read about a girl that had a brother that would sneak into her room at night to stick his dick between her toes, I was hooked (Who doesn’t do that?). Anyways, he has released various books, hosts weekly podcasts, speaks around the country advocating various political & civil rights and frequently appears on Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO. I came across this tidbit of information in his column from a few weeks ago, and I’m assuming NOBODY outside of his readers have heard about this. So, loyal TCM readers, I give you hypocrisy at it’s finest, straight from Dan Savage:
I’d like to briefly—very briefly—touch on George Rekers. Rekers is a towering figure in the religious right. He’s the cofounder of the Family Research Council; a member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, a group that claims it can cure homosexuality; and the go-to guy for “expert” testimony about how gay people threaten and endanger children. And last week, Rekers got busted coming back from a 10-day European vacation with a 20-year-old male escort he found on Rentboy.com. Rekers told two reporters from the Miami New Times that he “can’t lift luggage,” so what other choice did he have but to hire a 20-year-old with an eight-inch cock?To mark the downfall of yet another crazy and hypocritical closet case, I propose that “whatever floats your boat” be immediately and permanently retired in favor of “whatever lifts your luggage.” This will be George “Rentboy” Rekers’s legacy, his lexi-colonic gift to the English language. Help spread the meme.
Whaaaaat the fuck is wrong with religious conservatives? I bet he gave him mustache rides.
I saw these motherfuckers in August of 2008 when they were on a comeback tour (or whatever you wanna call it). It rocked my fucking face off, even after me and my brother were 100% sure they weren’t coming out on stage. Seriously, it took them easily 45 minutes to appear and we were sure Weiland had overdosed…and I was completely okay with that. Matter of fact I would have preferred that of happened. That would have been amazing.
Billed as another Pearl Jam-rip-off, grunge band, I’m not sure anyone ever gave STP the credit they deserved. Their 3rd album, Tiny Music…Songs from the Vatican Gift Shop, is one of my favorite albums of all time, and a very underrated 90′s album as a whole. This was the first album recorded when Weiland was in full-on heroin addiction mode. If that doesn’t sell some fucking records, I’m not sure what does. Dean DeLeo banged out some of the sickest riffs ever, and the band created some poppy and fantastic rock music.
Anyways, they just released their 6th and self-titled album and their first since 2001′s Shangri-La Dee Da. Here’s the video for their first single. I would check the album out.
