Treasure Chest for the ‘Television’ Category


Movies, Television
Mar52010

Lynyrd Skynyrd ain’t the only one with a sweet home.

Some of the coolest homes you have ever seen are in your favorite TV shows or movies. Unless your favorite shows and movies involve homeless people…then my friend you shit out of luck. Fortunately for TV and film, the only thing holding back what house a character lives in, is the imagination. Some imaginations do great things. Here are several places, in no particular order, which I would like to inhabit. Mind you there are tons of TV and movie places I would like to live…these are just a few for all you critics out there.

The Clampett Estate – Beverly Hills, CA

beverlyhillbillies Lynyrd Skynyrd aint the only one with a sweet home.

As Seen In: Beverly Hillbillies
Estimated Purchase Cost: $8,173,500
Why I would live in it: This is an awesome mansion even if it was considered modern back in the 60s. Jed Clampett shot into the ground and struck oil. So what did that redneck do? Bought this ballin’ ass estate. I would live here because of the awesome landscape that comes along with the house and when I mean awesome landscape I’m really talking about Elly May Clampett and her fine ass self (1960s Elly May of course). It also doesn’t hurt to have a shotgun totin’ granny on premise as your head of security.

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Captain Yar   |    1 Comment »

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Stupid Stuff, Television
Mar32010

Trailer Park Boys’

I’m back. I had a chance to see things from the Colorado perspective for the past week or so and let me tell you, our friends out there know how to choogle. They also know about some funny, independent TV shows such as Trailer Park Boys’.

This show is about a three buddies who live in a trailer park and are just trying to get by. When I say trying to get by, I mean that they are trying to live a life of drunkeness, drug use, and sex all while trying to outwit the drunk, gay landlords of the trailer park. It sounds offbeat, but it grows on you. Check out this “trailer” below to get a whiff of what Trailer Park Boys’ has to offer:

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I highly suggest Netflixing these DVDs, securing a good eighth of booze, and setting aside a few days to experience what life is like as a Canadian.

Captain Polish   |    3 Comments »

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Television
Jan262010

Gordon Shumway.

Those who are wondering who Gordon Shumway is, I will tell you. He is better known as the cat eating furry space…thing nicknamed Alf. You all know who he is, I mean come on, 95% of you had an Alf lunchbox growing up. The other 5% had My Little Pony lunchboxes, yes I’m talking to you Polish.

alf Gordon Shumway.

Well Twitter has brought up plenty of fun things to read like the Rebound Finder or Shit My Dad Says. Now, you can follow what Mr. Shumway has to say. Here is his latest and greatest twat tweet.

I hate musicals. Out of the blue people burst into songs. But then I heard there was one named “Cats”…

O Alf, how funny you were when it came to wanting to eat the cat, and the 1980s.

Get some words of wisdom on how to kill/eat a Melmacian cockroach here

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Television, Video
Jan222010

Conan O’Brien, where art thou?

I’m sure we all know the Conan saga that is going on and yes, we have learned that NBC and Jay Leno are a bunch of pee holes.

Conan by far is the best current late night host on television. It is a damn shame that these suits have to push his Irish ass out on the streets (well, not really the streets, NBC I believe gave him somewhere in the range of $45,000,000…I think he’ll be alright). We hope to see Senor Conan back on the air soon, on Fox or any other channel spewing out the most ludicrous comedy on television.

In no particular order, TCM will present some top moments from Late Night with Conan O’Brien (prior to his moving to The Tonight Show). We love you Conan.

Conan visits the Old Bethpage Restoration

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Captain Yar   |    3 Comments »

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Television, Video
Jan72010

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers…The Poor Man’s Voltron

When I was a youth, I was all about Voltron. I wasn’t lucky enough to catch it’s initial run, but I became aware of it through reruns in the late 1980’s. Basically, it was a Japanese cartoon where 5 people piloted these robotic lions who could form into one giant humanoid robot named, Voltron and than fucked some shit up. This is was the climax of every episode.

A few years later, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers somehow became all the rage. Even as a kid I knew they were shamelessly ripping off Voltron. 5 people (pre, “Green Ranger”) wearing costumes that share more than a passing resemblance to Voltron, pilot 5 robotic animals that form a giant robot named Megazord and subsequently fuck shit up. This was the climax of every episode…with catchier music.

See for yourself

Voltron Transformation scene

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Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Transformation Scene

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Authors Note: The robotic lions from Voltron also emerge from scattered land masses when summoned before they form Voltron.

Captain Flintheart   |    1 Comment »

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Television, Video
Dec292009

Cinemassacre’s Top 20 Urkel Moments

I’m obessed with Cinemassacre run by James Rolfe. He reviews terrible 8-bit Nintendo games under the alias, The Angry Video Game Nerd, he reviews movies for Spike TV, retro board games and anything else that tickles his fancy. This is our Christmas gift to you…from him.

This is Cinemassacre’s Top 20 Urkel Moments. 

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Captain Flintheart   |    3 Comments »

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Television
Dec182009

Jersey Shore: The True Hollywood Story

Aren’t you surprised we haven’t wrote about quite possibly the greatest show of 2009 the decade yet? Me too.

Yes folks, MTV has come at us again with another piece of quality programming. In case you forgot, this is the network that introduced us to the fun-loving Spencer “McDouche” Pratt and Heidi “Cuntbag” Montag. So you knew it was only a matter of time before someone new was to take the spotlight. Well folks, MTV has done themselves in with this one. The Jersey Shore. Not only did they make the new greatest show on TV, every single one of the characters on that show is in their own right, a superstar. Well, in case your living inside an elephants asshole, here is a clip of this masterpiece.

After a 6 hour meeting with the fellow captains, the main topic being The Jersey Shore, we have come to the conclusion that all those people on the show aren’t who they really are. Sure they do a damn good job of being douchebags and douchebitches but we believe that they are all putting on a fake persona just to “fit in” with everyone at Douchebag Beach. Now, don’t be upset…we wouldn’t want you to think we don’t like this show because believe me we do. We have gotten just as many laughs out of this show as Flintheart’s girlfriend did the first time she saw him naked. A lot. What we are going to do for you today is briefly tell you what each one of the stars of Jersey Shore does in real life.

Without further adieu, The Captain’s Memos presents, Jersey Shore: The True Hollywood Story.

angelina Jersey Shore: The True Hollywood StoryAngelina
This girl hails from the mighty Staten Island. Staten Island throughout the years has given us many stars such as, the Wu-Tang Clan, Alyssa Milano and TCM’s personal favorite, Lady GaGa. Now we can proudly add, “That Angelina girl from that Jersey Shore show” to that list. Angelina is a part time Cesspool Truck Driver. Coming from Staten Island, what else would you be? That place smells like a beached Loch Ness Monster with a severe case of crotch rot. Someone needs to solve this stink crisis immediately. O wait, I just did. Close your legs Angelina. Your welcome Staten Island.

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Captain Yar   |    9 Comments »

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Television, Video
Dec182009

Cartoon Intro’s Compliation

This youtube montage covers some of the better cartoon intro’s from the late 80’s/early 90’s including, Transformers, Thundercats, He-Man, Voltron etc. These all seem to be a bit more “action” (aka badass) oriented, so if you are looking for Ducktales or Tale Spin you are sorely out of luck.

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Captain Flintheart   |    4 Comments »

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