If I had to hear this line uttered one more time today, I probably would’ve went postal.

OK, I get it. It’s the first day back from a long vacation; but there is no need to be overly concerned on how someone’s thanksgiving was. There’s no need to try to search and claw for every last detail.

Tell me, do you really care how much stuffing I ate, or what my favorite pie is, or who was there from my family, or how long it took me to pass out on the floor? Who gives a shit. What if I told you my deep-fried turkey caught on fire, burnt half the house down, and I received stress-related diarrhea as a result? You’d feel like a jerk.

If there is anything worse than work, it’s mixing small talk WITH work. Not only are you being graded on your performance, but you’re also now being graded on your ability to hop-knob (a.k.a kiss ass) with your superiors. What the fuck! Sure everyone has work friends (and they are vital to surviving each day), but there’s always that awkward forced conversation with a co-worker when you see them somewhere at work or out and about that is horrible and unavoidable. Editor’s Note: The Captain’s are going to touch on co-workers in depth at a later date.

I wisened up around 9 and created a default response for all of this today: too much food, too much family. That seemed to work for half of the day until someone said, “too much family?” I was preparing to drop kick them in the stomach until they decided to chime in on their holiday without warning. I used the massive shit excuse and walked away 13 seconds later. The minute you bring your stool into conversations, you’re good to get out of anything.

To answer the question though, my thanksgiving was just like yours. It involved food, drinking, and people. It was great.