The news report and hit song that’s taking the world by storm.
First for the report:
And now for the song:
Get the Flash Player to see this content.
Good news on Antione. With the money he made from actually making this into an iTunes song, he moved out of the projects. This is great for him, but bittersweet for us. I don’t think we’ll be hearing any good songs from Mr. Dodson any time soon.
Our most recent staff photo - Kirk and Fuerza were in the shitter
Got your attention? Apparently two guys in NYC thought it would be a good idea to bury $10,000 in gold $1 coins in a random location in NYC and publicize it as a treasure hunt. I have no clue why they think this is a great idea. I mean if I have $10,000, I’m probably going to blow it on really dumb things that I don’t need. These two guys really want to create some publicity for their puppet shows so that’s why they’re doing this. Yes you heard that right, puppet shows.
Although their motives are questionable, the Captain’s can’t be any happier to put together the old crew, get drunk on a shit load of rum, and find some treasure in NYC. When it comes down to it, who wouldn’t enjoy spending some of their free time insanely drunk searching for gold in the middle of a mega-metropolis?
It’s official ladies and gentlemen, Ricky Martin is 100% gay.
To be quite honest, I’m not 100% sure this is truly breaking news. I mean, have you ever seen this guy? That’s almost like a bear coming up to you and saying, “Hey, I’m a bear.” Of course you would be like, “Nooo, I didn’t know that!”. Cause if you responded like, “No shit dumbass”, the bear would probably eat you. And then you’d think, “Wow, I’m so ripped right now…that bear in The Cleveland Show talks!”
But yea, Ricky Martin is gay. Well, if you think we are making it up, go check out Ricky’s gay site and read it in his gay words.
Watch out boys, he bangs…guys.
Texas. It’s a huge ass state that the U.S. fought for against the Mexicans in the Mexican War and was annexed quickly afterward as a result. It is a state where things are big – boobs, sports teams budgets, food, and people. It is a state where Bush came from. Enough said.
Thomas Jefferson. He wrote our Declaration of Independence and had a lot of influence on the Constitution and Bill of Rights. He was the 3rd U.S. President. He made the Louisiana Purchase (which put us closer to Texas) from France. He also impregnated his slave Sally Hemmings. He also rocked a nice blow out and was named man of the millennium (not falcon).
Divorce. A separation of two people or things usually over some crazy circumstance (money, cheating, etc.). Think Sally Field and Burt Reynolds. Think Jon and Kate. Think Raquel Welch. Think Seattle and the Supersonics. Think Texas and Thomas Jefferson?
According to the brilliant folks on the Texas School Board, Thomas Jefferson was too much of a leftist and will be left out of the state’s curriculum for History. Basically no kids for the next ten years will learn anything about Thomas Jefferson because the state believes he’s too much of a bad influence on its children. The guy only bought the land that enticed people to move west. He only created the document that gave us our freedom. Definitely no big deal, right?
I don’t know about you, but I’m at a loss here. What’s up with Texas?
TCM’s (and everyone’s) favorite fair skinned awkwardly tall ginger is back! Now that he’s got nothing to do, Conan is hitting the road with Andy Richter and members of the Tonight Show Band on the “Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour”. Visiting most major U.S. cities from April – June and even making a stop at the Bonnaroo Music Festival. Further proof that Conan really is the coolest man on the planet.
You can catch his pale ass on the following dates and locations:
Still don’t believe me? Go here and see for yourself…tickets are on sale NOW.
Author’s Note: This Captain will see ya’ll bitches in Connecticut!
In a few years people will be able to get high by eating a tomato and other assorted garden vegetables. Garden vegetables are being spliced with THC so when dried and smoked, they’ll have the same impact as marijuana.
Scientists are also currently working on splicing oak and maple trees as well. Apparently even scientists need to find a way to mellow out.
As Thurgood said in Half Baked, “thanks scientist.”
Don’t believe me? Read the story and thank these scientists.
As previously announced, last weekend the 4 captains met up in NYC for our first official summit. Plans were discussed, minds were bent and many beers were consumed. There was even a cameo by Chapelle show alumni, Ashy Larry.
It’s safe to say that Central Park will never be the same again…for NY and for the Captains.
We wanted to tell you we’ve got some exciting things planned for the site for you in the near future. So keep your eyes peeled. Oh, and all you writers out there start doing some calisthenics and get those fingers limber. We’re gonna make a big announcement on TCM’s one year anniversary in February.
Keep On Chooglin’ Bitches!
Maybe you don’t understand it.
But if you’re a natural man,
You got to ball and have a good time
And that’s what I call chooglin’.Here comes Mary lookin’ for Harry,
She gonna choogle tonight.
Here comes Louie, works in the sewer,
He gonna choogle tonight.
John Fogerty was on to something, and so are the Captain’s.
The Meeting of the Minds will be taking place this weekend in NYC. What does this entail might you ask? Lord knows. There will probably be a lot of chooglin’ and gallivanting combined with with plenty of random drunkenness.
This is really a weekend to get the stakeholders (Captain’s) together to determine how we can make this site even more badass. Some ideas we’ve been floating are adding more Captains to the mix, bringing on more merch and an on-line store, and souping up the web site.
Want to know more? We’ll share plans tomorrow as soon as our lazy asses develop some.
