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	<title>The Captains Memos &#187; News</title>
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		<title>Where were you on 8/23?</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/where-were-you-on-823/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=where-were-you-on-823</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/where-were-you-on-823/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Aug 2011 13:36:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Yar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[America]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Earthquake]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poop]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=12179</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This is a day that will live in infamy. More likely than not only for a week or 2. Yesterday, folks on the Eastern Seaboard (That&#8217;s the East Coast for all of you gangsta&#8217;s) had an earthquake. It was centered somewhere in Virginia and the violent, destructive shaking was felt from Boston down to South [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Woman Rips Baby From Stroller, To Eat Its Arm</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/woman-rips-baby-from-stroller-to-eat-its-arm/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=woman-rips-baby-from-stroller-to-eat-its-arm</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/woman-rips-baby-from-stroller-to-eat-its-arm/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Jul 2011 12:30:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Flintheart</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stupid Stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[babies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crazy shit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Food]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Random]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=12078</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When I first saw that headline, I couldn&#8217;t believe that it had nothing to do with either zombies or Captain Polish&#8217;s cocaine bender from a few months ago. Not to mention that it was actually from the New York Daily News and not the Onion.  Goddamn, this beautiful woman was fucking hungry. The exact transcript below has been lifted from [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Libya you got problems? The Captains can help!</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/libya-you-got-problems-the-captains-can-help/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=libya-you-got-problems-the-captains-can-help</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/libya-you-got-problems-the-captains-can-help/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Mar 2011 12:55:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Polish</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Charlie Sheen]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crazy shit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Libya]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Oil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[rant]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=12005</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Dear Rebels of Libya and any other bat shit country that produces oil &#8211; I like what you&#8217;re doing. You&#8217;re giving it back to the man that has oppressed you for so long and that&#8217;s damn amazing. I&#8217;m stoked you found a way to use Facebook to help your cause instead of just creeping on [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>&#8220;Hide your kids, hide your wife&#8221;</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/video/hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/video/hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Sep 2010 13:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Polish</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Breaking News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Video]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bed Intruder]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rape]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=11452</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The news report and hit song that&#8217;s taking the world by storm. First for the report: And now for the song: Good news on Antione. With the money he made from actually making this into an iTunes song, he moved out of the projects. This is great for him, but bittersweet for us. I don&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>REAL LIFE TREASURE HUNT!!!</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/breaking-news/real-life-treasure-hunt/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=real-life-treasure-hunt</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/breaking-news/real-life-treasure-hunt/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:30:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Polish</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Breaking News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NYC]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pirates]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[treasure hunt]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=11047</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Got your attention? Apparently two guys in NYC thought it would be a good idea to bury $10,000 in gold $1 coins in a random location in NYC and publicize it as a treasure hunt. I have no clue why they think this is a great idea. I mean if I have $10,000, I&#8217;m probably [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>You know times are tough when…</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/you-know-times-are-tough-when/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=you-know-times-are-tough-when</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/you-know-times-are-tough-when/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:23:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Yar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Darth Vader]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Robbery]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=10868</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Darth Vader has to resort to robbing a bank. He showed up without his storm troopers at a Long Island bank but was armed with a semi-automatic pistol. Apparently a light saber wouldn&#8217;t have done the trick.]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Headline News</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/issues/headline-news-3/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=headline-news-3</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/issues/headline-news-3/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 14 Jun 2010 12:30:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Flintheart</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Issues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[America]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cats]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[idiocy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=10032</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In one of our favorite segments we like to show our readers how stupid America has become and the kind of news headlines one might see when they are checking their emails. This unfortunatley is an abridged version, but it speaks volumes. Thanks again to Shaffer for making this happen.]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Drugs Give You Super Powers&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/drugs-make-you-see-things/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=drugs-make-you-see-things</link>
		<comments>http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/news/drugs-make-you-see-things/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:15:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Captain Yar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crazy shit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[drugs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fucked Up]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.thecaptainsmemos.com/?p=9861</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[In this case, the super power to rip a man&#8217;s heart out. So yea&#8230;Jarrod Wyatt, a US cagefighter, thought it would be a great idea to drink a cup of shroom tea and then rip out his trainers heart, Taylor Powell, while he was still alive. If ripping out Powell&#8217;s heart wasn&#8217;t enough, he also [...]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
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