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Treasure Chest for the Pirates Category


Jun252009

The absolute greatest vacation package in the history of ever.

Ever have the urge to kill? Ever have the urge to kill Somalian pirates? Well worry no more! Your dreams have just come true. Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.

jollyroger The absolute greatest vacation package in the history of ever.

You heard it correctly. If you have enough money, you can board one of these beautiful yachts armed to the friggen teeth. For a few bucks extra, you can get an AK-47 for yourself to reign hell down on the skinny’s. This yacht–which cruises close to the Somalian coast to attract pirates–when attacked will retaliate with heavy machine gun fire, grenades and rocket launchers….o yea, and a team of ex-special forces.

You must be asking yourself though…I thought TCM was pro-pirate. Yes indeed we are. But come on, if you did not want to do this then you must be a full blown retard.

I think TCM has found where we are taking our office this year. Beat that Oprah, you whore.

Start packing your bullet-proof vests mother fuckers.



Apr142009

Those damn pirates!

somalipirates Those damn pirates!Those damn pirates strike again! Apparently the other day after 3 Somalian pirates were killed by US Navy SEALs to rescue the hijacked captain, they thought it would be an awesome idea to hijack 3 more ships! Those little pirates are resilient mother fuckers. I say little because they are believed to be between the ages of 17 and 19 years old. Wow, barely legal teenagers with heavy weapons…scary ain’t it? Sounds like the hottest new porno out on the market.

The story that is real.



Mar142009

Present Day Pirates – Part II

Yes. Although Pirate Week has officially come to a close, this Captain has one more yarn to tell. It’s about the real present day pirates. If you don’t believe it, read more here or here.

That’s right kiddies, piracy is alive and well in the world. These might not be the pirates that set out on plundering Spanish ships for gold dabloons, but these piracoons are gallantly working with their mates to cause havoc throughout the world.

art merrypirates Present Day Pirates   Part II

TCM, and especially this Captain, understand a lot about the mind of a pirate. If you ever encounter one, here are a few suggestions: Read More »



Mar132009

A Pirate I Be

 A Pirate I BeThat’s it folks. Pirate Week has officially come to an end. It was a good week; filled with laughter, crying and the occasional case of diarrhea. We hope you had a good time, we all know Captain Polish did. If you have any suggestions about future theme weeks, please email us, or leave comments below. Our next theme week will be GI Joe week, which will take place between August 3rd right up to the opening of the movie on August 7th.

So, we would like to close pirate week out with this Grammy Nominated song and MTV Music Video Award Winner:

Click To Watch “A Pirate I Be” by Casey Porn


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Mar122009

Pirate Vocabulary

Pirate’s are known for having their own awesome language. It’s not French or something else wacked out; it’s really just terminology they used every day with their mates and lasses.

Read up on some pirate lingo below and begin incorporating into sentences. Soon you’ll have the respect of others which comes with a lower bar tab and the lasses waiting to court you (old school term for “bang you”):

Aarg!/Garr!/Yarr! – A General Exclamation; “Yo, what up?”
All hands hoay! – All hands on deck!; “Get your ass over here!”
Avast!/avast ye! – Pay Attention!; “What the fuck!”
Go on the account – Embark on a piratical cruise; “Go nuts”
Landlubber – Person who lives on land (and is clumsy at sea); “Herb,” “Turd,” or “Douchebag” fit
Picaroon - Rogue; “Badass”
Davey Jones’s Locker - Bottom of the ocean (where dead pirates go); “Spent”
Matey - Mate or comrade; “Buddy” or “Dude”
Shiver me timbers! – Blow me!; “Blow me!”
Swab - Ignorant person; “Asshole”
Sweet trade - career pirate; “Wall Street”


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Mar122009

Pirates vs. 300 Spartans

Pirates vs. Ninjas – icon checkmark Pirates vs. 300 Spartans

Pirates vs. Dinosaurs – icon checkmark Pirates vs. 300 Spartans

Pirates vs. 300 Spartans – About to Begin.

The Pirates and Spartans stare at each other from across the battlefield. They begin to draw closer to one another.

The Pirates have their swords drawn, the Spartans have their shields up and spears at the ready. Every step brings them closer and closer to each other.

Finally they meet in the middle of the battlefield, Spartans and Pirates, a historic battle is about to take place.

Ha, who are you kidding, Pirates and Spartans can’t fight each other, they are waaay too bad ass to be enemies. Check this movie poster out that I found on the internets.

300pirates1 Pirates vs. 300 Spartans



Mar122009

September 19th

Talk Like A Pirate Day. Thought we wouldn’t mention it this week? Marrrrrk it on your calendarrrrrrs. Or Captain Polish will do to you what he did to this pour soul:


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Mar112009

Cap’n Slappy

Captain Slappy speaks exactly what we think.


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