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Treasure Chest for the Random Category


Stupid Stuff
Oct282011

How much would someone pay you to have sex with Sarah Palin?

This website was a little more “polite” about asking that question. It was more along the lines of “How much would someone pay you to vote for Sarah Palin?”. I thought that question was stupid so I asked myself how much would someone pay me to have sex with Sarah Palin. After a few minutes of contemplating I said nothing. I would do it for free with a huge grin on my face. Just picture that.

palin How much would someone pay you to have sex with Sarah Palin?

That’s pretty much all this website is. It asks you questions like, “How much would someone have to pay you to eat dog crap?” Naturally Captain Flintheart answered .76¢. I’m honestly surprised, I thought he would have said less. Another fun one is, “How much would someone have to pay you to spend 24 hours with Charlie Sheen?” Unfortunately you can only answer in dollars and not pints of Tiger Blood. Oh well, I’d pay a few bucks to be able to hang out with someone who in his mind, is constantly winning. Wouldn’t you? Oh yea, you already do by reading TCM.

So, head on over to the site where the median price that people said they would have sex with Snooki is $17k. That to me is shockingly low.


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Stupid Stuff
Oct272011

Prank calls by yep you guessed it, a turtle.

So let’s say you have a friend who has a fear of turtles for some odd ass reason. Maybe they were raped by one when they were a child, it can happen. Well, you can turn their fears into nightmares by having a turtle prank call them. For only $2, you can have a turtle call someone and have a legit discussion…well, sort of. Check it out:

So what are you waiting for, shell out 2 bones and get this turtle pranking your ex-girlfriends or whatever. Because that is a sure fire way to get them back.

If you have him call me, I will hunt you down and cut you. I’ll do it. I swear.


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If I had known then what I know now, Issues
Sep302011

This Was My Biggest Childhood Fear

When I was a very young kid, the man pictured below had an “educational” tv show. His name was Slim Goodbody and he terrified me to death. In fact, he was my number one fear at the time. I would cry and beg my parents to turn it off anytime his show was on.

Seeing it now for the first time in about 25 years I feel 100% justified.  This shit is creepy on a few levels here. First and foremost dudeman’s insides are on his outside and there are so many fucking things wrong with that. Not too mention he’s wearing a skin tight unitard and his package is well on display, yet somehow anatomically missing from his body suit. He looks like Richard Simmons, Bob Saget and (old school) Howie Mandell all jizzed in a cup together and gave it to some lucky female recipient who wanted to bear the ultimate 1980′s freak.

Mission-a-fucking-complished.

 

SLIM GOODBODY2 This Was My Biggest Childhood Fear

 


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Crazy, Random
Sep212011

Proof That Michael Jackson Jokes Never Get Old

MJ Proof That Michael Jackson Jokes Never Get Old

Thanks to Brendo for sending this along.


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Facial Hair, Music, Somewhat Historial Significance
Aug262011

Rock And Roll Isn’t Just a Life Style, It’s A Hair Cut Too

Grab a beer or grab your pack of cigarettes because their is a lot to take in here. TCM usually sticks to reviewing facial hair in all it’s glorious permutations and while that is a small factor in this we couldn’t help but show you the whole damn thing.  We present to you a chart of rock and roll hair styles since it’s birth in the 1950′s till now.

Please note that Captain Polish’s looks strikingly similar to a mix of Prince and Bjork.

Music Hair Cuts Infographic Full Rock And Roll Isnt Just a Life Style, Its A Hair Cut Too

Big thanks to N. Schwartz for sending this to the Captains.


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Stupid Stuff
Aug182011

Stupid License Plate Of the Day

Apparently Tony Soprano lives in New York now.

2010 07 109521.00.442 Stupid License Plate Of the Day

If you come across any dumb ass license plates in the future, don’t forget to take a picture and mail it to thecaptain@thecaptainsmemos.com


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Random
Aug162011

TCM’s Lady Readers Get Excited

As Flintheart most certainly knows, retro is always in…as soon as something gets old it gets cool again. Well let’s take it one step further with the TCM approved Game Boy dress. This is going to give some hardcore 40 year old nerds living in their parents basement the thrill/erection of  a lifetime.

dress1 TCMs Lady Readers Get Excited

Note the key placement of the select button.

Our very own Captain Yar was surveyed by the design team on this one:

dress3 TCMs Lady Readers Get Excited

You can check out more of these amazing/ridiculous dresses here.

TCM keeping you abreast on fashion since 2009.


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Issues, Random
Aug52011

Random Thoughts Of The Day

Garbage goes in a garbage can. Goes without saying, right?

Wrong.

TrASH Random Thoughts Of The Day

Every trash collection day a few people on my street just throw their mountain of garbage bags out on the curb. I’m talking like 8 or 9 bags of hot steaming garbage. Not only is that gross and dirty but it also looks scummy as all hell. Seriously, just bite the bullet and pony up the dough for a few barrels.(Spoiler Alert: You can fit more than one trash bag in a barrel!)


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