Grab a beer or grab your pack of cigarettes because their is a lot to take in here. TCM usually sticks to reviewing facial hair in all it’s glorious permutations and while that is a small factor in this we couldn’t help but show you the whole damn thing. We present to you a chart of rock and roll hair styles since it’s birth in the 1950′s till now.
Please note that Captain Polish’s looks strikingly similar to a mix of Prince and Bjork.
Big thanks to N. Schwartz for sending this to the Captains.
Yea…so it’s been awhile. The Captains have been busy during our absence. Captain Yar had a starring role in the sequel to everyone’s favorite NBC sitcom, the Office…the porn version. Captain Polish was in Pamplona running with the Bulls and I’ve been perfecting the formula for reanimating corpses with a mixture of AIDS and secret hobo spices. We’ve even relocated TCM headquarters on top of the remains where Castle Greyskull once stood. Pretty fucking nifty that our front door is now made out of the bones of Skeletor.
Keep your eyes and asses peeled, because we’re back son(s).
Why did they select February to celebrate Black History Month? Did anyone realize that February is the shortest month of the year? Did they also realize that February is the coldest month of the year? If I was the man in charge of selecting what month to go with, I’d have gone with August.
Well whatever the reason, hope you had a happy Black History Month.
Why is every assassin known by three names? Need examples: John Wilkes Booth, James Earl Ray, Lee Harvey Oswalt, and Mark David Chapman. It’s fairly safe to say that if you have associates that go by three names, you better keep your distance.
While we’re on this topic, check out this Poetry Collage of the Lincoln Assassination. It’s not typically something we’d promote (the Captain’s are anti-assassination – we prefer duels with sabers and pistols), but it’s cool as shit so it’s worth the shout.
Thanks to Christian for sending us the collage.
Some moments in history are great because they weren’t so great. Sounds confusing, but consider June 22nd and June 23rd to prove my point – these two days are when Hitler and Napoleon, respectively, decided it would be a good time to fuck up Russia. It turns out that it wasn’t a good idea because this would prove to be the end for their respective empires.
I know, this is probably not a popular topic to bring up on a blog-site when your readers comment explicitly on all things Saved By The Bell, local indie rock, and topics related to chooglin’, but some times a fart is a fart because, well, its a fart. And Russia is the mother of all farts.
Russia is a land as barren as Captain Kirk’s first ex-wife. It is a horrible place that actually took over Poland because they are a dick. They decided to be the colossal mass they are for a reason – to push everyone around just because they can. They are the bully at lunch that took your lunch money AND kissed your girlfriend behind the swing set because they could.
Russia was considered a savior at the time of Napoleon because they destroyed his army. The same could be said about Hitler. What followed from their Hitler triumph was about 45 years worth of owning the U.S. until we kicked their ass in hockey all because of our ability to grow a better playoff beard. It’s true, look it up kids.
Eventually Russia withered away as communism was scrapped by the wayside for something more conventional – Capitalism! Well it’s worked for Russia. They’ve decided to sell their precious reserves of oil and natural gas at high prices and now have become one of the most powerful countries in the entire world.
What will happen next? Lord knows, but Russia has already decided to chill with upcomers on the global scene Iran and Turkey. Could this mean they are turning into the bully again? Could this spell trouble for the U.S.? Can the capped crusader escape yet again? Stay tuned – if history repeats itself, we could be in for another empire-crippling Russian retreat.
Great moment in history? I don’t know, but it’s probably something we should stay cognizant of.
There is a debate going around to decide what is the Most Awesomest Thing Ever is. Stuff like cheeseburgers, Velociraptors, Hadukens, the Pyramids, the Underground Railroad and Booger from Revenge of the Nerds have been tossed around. There truly can only be one winner.
This website has this epic debate going on in the form of mini battles. Two items pop up and you choose one as the better of the 2. Some random shit can come up and tough decisions have to be made. Like you have to chose Lucky Charms vs. David Blane. Easy, Lucky Charms. But them comes along a battle of epic proportions like, The Umbrella Song by Rihanna vs. Bridges of Madison County. This is difficult simply because they both suck very very much but you have to chose which one is better. I personally would chose the Umbrella Song in sympathy for Rihanna getting beat up by the he-man woman hater Chris Brown.
Anyways, go on over and start voting for the Most Awesomest Thing. Ever.
TCM honor’s today a genius poet and and American hero named Charles Bukowski. Though we normally stick to our old drinking songs about 200 proof liquor, comely lasses, and ghosts, all real pirates can write some verse. Bukowski (1920-1994) wrote with a brutal honesty dealing with love, death, being poor, being famous, and being crazy. Picture Ernest Hemingway…but less refined and more raw. Great art cuts like a knife and his art did that spectacularly. Here are some examples:
http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/charles_bukowski/poems/12980
http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/charles_bukowski/poems/13095
Bukowski, a salty dog, wrote works that stand with some of the greatest poets of all time. But, this was a man who was once quoted as saying “Sometimes you just gotta pee in the sink.” In his younger days, the poet fought in back alleys, drank, whored, and worked scores of shit jobs. Slowly his writing gave him fame and notoriety.He wrote about the harsh realities and the sublime ones. Fans and critics could fuck off. In his later days, he would gamble at the Santa Anita racetrack and and bang coeds in the bathrooms at poetry readings. His writing did to a blank page what kamikize pilots did to battleships. Charles Bukowski stayed his own man and showed a plastic world just how fake it really was.
Man was a pirate.
Originally by Captain Fuerza.
Texas. It’s a huge ass state that the U.S. fought for against the Mexicans in the Mexican War and was annexed quickly afterward as a result. It is a state where things are big – boobs, sports teams budgets, food, and people. It is a state where Bush came from. Enough said.
Thomas Jefferson. He wrote our Declaration of Independence and had a lot of influence on the Constitution and Bill of Rights. He was the 3rd U.S. President. He made the Louisiana Purchase (which put us closer to Texas) from France. He also impregnated his slave Sally Hemmings. He also rocked a nice blow out and was named man of the millennium (not falcon).
Divorce. A separation of two people or things usually over some crazy circumstance (money, cheating, etc.). Think Sally Field and Burt Reynolds. Think Jon and Kate. Think Raquel Welch. Think Seattle and the Supersonics. Think Texas and Thomas Jefferson?
According to the brilliant folks on the Texas School Board, Thomas Jefferson was too much of a leftist and will be left out of the state’s curriculum for History. Basically no kids for the next ten years will learn anything about Thomas Jefferson because the state believes he’s too much of a bad influence on its children. The guy only bought the land that enticed people to move west. He only created the document that gave us our freedom. Definitely no big deal, right?
I don’t know about you, but I’m at a loss here. What’s up with Texas?
