ADVERTISEMENT

Treasure Chest for the Stupid Stuff Category


Stupid Stuff
Oct282011

How much would someone pay you to have sex with Sarah Palin?

This website was a little more “polite” about asking that question. It was more along the lines of “How much would someone pay you to vote for Sarah Palin?”. I thought that question was stupid so I asked myself how much would someone pay me to have sex with Sarah Palin. After a few minutes of contemplating I said nothing. I would do it for free with a huge grin on my face. Just picture that.

palin How much would someone pay you to have sex with Sarah Palin?

That’s pretty much all this website is. It asks you questions like, “How much would someone have to pay you to eat dog crap?” Naturally Captain Flintheart answered .76¢. I’m honestly surprised, I thought he would have said less. Another fun one is, “How much would someone have to pay you to spend 24 hours with Charlie Sheen?” Unfortunately you can only answer in dollars and not pints of Tiger Blood. Oh well, I’d pay a few bucks to be able to hang out with someone who in his mind, is constantly winning. Wouldn’t you? Oh yea, you already do by reading TCM.

So, head on over to the site where the median price that people said they would have sex with Snooki is $17k. That to me is shockingly low.


Tags: , , ,

Stupid Stuff
Oct272011

Prank calls by yep you guessed it, a turtle.

So let’s say you have a friend who has a fear of turtles for some odd ass reason. Maybe they were raped by one when they were a child, it can happen. Well, you can turn their fears into nightmares by having a turtle prank call them. For only $2, you can have a turtle call someone and have a legit discussion…well, sort of. Check it out:

So what are you waiting for, shell out 2 bones and get this turtle pranking your ex-girlfriends or whatever. Because that is a sure fire way to get them back.

If you have him call me, I will hunt you down and cut you. I’ll do it. I swear.


Tags: ,

Stupid Stuff
Aug182011

Stupid License Plate Of the Day

Apparently Tony Soprano lives in New York now.

2010 07 109521.00.442 Stupid License Plate Of the Day

If you come across any dumb ass license plates in the future, don’t forget to take a picture and mail it to thecaptain@thecaptainsmemos.com


Tags: , , ,

News, Stupid Stuff
Jul282011

Woman Rips Baby From Stroller, To Eat Its Arm

When I first saw that headline, I couldn’t believe that it had nothing to do with either zombies or Captain Polish’s cocaine bender from a few months ago. Not to mention that it was actually from the New York Daily News and not the Onion.  Goddamn, this beautiful woman was fucking hungry.

The exact transcript below has been lifted from the Daily News article and presented to TCM readers in all it’s glory.

alg woman attack baby Woman Rips Baby From Stroller, To Eat Its Arm

Police released this mugshot of Natasha Hubbard, accused of attacking a stranger’s infant baby in downtown Los Angeles last week.

LOS ANGELES – A crazed woman randomly snatched an infant from a stroller, slammed the baby into a pole and later said she was trying to break the baby’s arm off “so she could eat it,” Los Angeles cops said Wednesday.

Prosecutors have charged Natasha Hubbard, 36, with aggravated assault and released her photo believing she may have other victims from her wild rampage in downtown Los Angeles last Thursday.

The terrifying incident with the 4-month-old boy took place in a crowded shopping district packed with families, police said.

Detectives said mom Adriana Miranda, 29, was pushing her infant son Alexander in his stroller when Hubbard unbelted the child and grabbed him by the leg.

Witnesses said Hubbard then swung the baby over her head and slammed him into a metal rail of a nearby truck as the mom and the baby’s aunt watched in horror, police said.

The mother and aunt fought off the woman, with the suspect clawing at Miranda as she clutched the baby boy in her arms, police said.

Arriving officers were able to locate Hubbard with the help of witnesses who pointed her out.

She’s now in jail with bail set at $55,000.

Hubbard told detectives that she tried to break off the baby’s arm so she could eat it, police said.

The tiny victim received bruises and scratches as a result of the attack.


Tags: , , ,

Crazy, Stupid Stuff
Mar162011

An afternoon with Captain Flintheart

Captain Flintheart loves his music, movies, Star Wars, anything AIDs related, and of course his primary colors. What?

I spent some time during our hiatus hanging out with some of the Captain’s. We talked about life, the web site, sniffed a whole lot of paint, and took up some of each others hobbies. (Side note: the reason Captain Warbucks doesn’t post much any more because we were all shocked to learn that gay is his side hobby.)

On a blustery winter morning, I went over to Flintheart’s and he asked if I wanted to paint with him. Well, sure I said because painting is pretty cool. I’ve always had an appreciation for Bob Ross (you know, the guy on PBS with the huge fro), so I was down.

When we got his “studio” I was surprised to find the man had literally thousands of coloring books compiled and filed around the room based on the prevalence of the books primary colors. I was thrown, but what the fuck. The paint was kicking in so I went to work.

bobflintheart An afternoon with Captain Flintheart

Here’s the finished product. He was proud that he stayed within the lines so we were able to eat some cookies after this project was completed.

This whole experience explained a lot about our friend Captain Flintheart. I’m glad I walked a day in his shoes and learned of his passion for “painting.”


Tags: , , ,

Man Moments, Stupid Stuff
Jan52011

Real Life Haduken’s, Part II

If you’ve read any bit of our ranting and ravings on this site, you know how much we love catching farts and throwing them in other people’s faces, a.k.a Haduken’s.

Here’s the latest in a short, but rather funny series we’ve titled Real Life Hadukens:

HadoukenGuate Real Life Hadukens, Part II

The full extension of this Haduken is pretty glorious.

Thanks to Dirty Captain Ela for providing this.


Tags: ,

Stupid Stuff
Dec292010

The testicle of a Right Whale is how many Spider Monkeys!?

The answer to that question is 78.12546865587 Spider Monkeys.

Now that I’ve literally blown your mind, your probably wondering how I knew that answer. Well first, you must know the weight of a testicle of a Right Whale which happens to be 1102.3113 pounds. Damn, imagine walking around with a thousand pound nut, times 2. You’d be a walking wrecking ball(s). Anyways, an average Spider Monkey weighs 14.1095 pounds. Now divide the whale testicle to the Spider Monkey and through the mysterious powers of math, you have 78.12546865587. Ouch, my head hurts.

To avoid the headache all together, you can just go to Weird Converter and find this out with two clicks. Not only can you compare the weights of a keg of beer to an average bowel movement (385.5749603085), but you can compare the length/height of a T-Rex to the Weinermobile (1.458150925926) amongst others and also the volume of the Grand Canyon to the NYC sewer system capacity per day (1525092.996087 <--that's a lot of poop!) as well as other useless comparisons.

converter The testicle of a Right Whale is how many Spider Monkeys!?

What are you waiting for!? Don’t you want to know how many Grand Canyon’s a White Rhino can fill up with his spunk!?


Tags: , , , ,

Stupid Stuff
Dec162010

Awkward Pregnant Photos

Oh yes, remember our foray into Awkward Family Photos. Yea, that was fun.

Well, that went so well we couldn’t pass up some Awkward Pregnant Photos. Here are some of our favorites:

goodyear Awkward Pregnant Photos

gun1 Awkward Pregnant Photos

nude Awkward Pregnant Photos

xmascard Awkward Pregnant Photos

pregnantgun Awkward Pregnant Photos

You interpret them how you wish. Don’t know what it is with pregnant women and guns, but it sure is a turn on. Anyways, visit this site for more awkwardness of the pregnant kind.

So I found out the other day that my mom took some photos with my dad when she was pregnant. It turned out to be only one photo. It was my mom sitting in a chair and my dad holding a wire clothes hangar that was taken apart and made straight. Never could figure out what they were doing…


Tags: , ,
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next
Creative Commons License