If there is one thing we know, it’s that Flintheart loves himself some Saved By The Bell. Well, he’s just discovered his new favorite website, Zack Morris Cell Phone. The only thing this website does is chronicle moments in episodes where the cast busts out Zack’s world famous 1990 cell phone.
Need some examples?
Ahhh, nostalgia.
Well it has happened ladies and gentlemen. It was only a matter of time, but it happened.
The Gamerator.
Take a moment to study that photo. Looks like a normal arcade system correct? Well, it ain’t. If you will shift your eyes to the crotch area of the system, you will notice a beer tap. Yes, a beer tap. My question is why hasn’t anyone thought of this idea earlier. I mean, putting a keg inside a fully functioning arcade system? Amazing.
As well as the keg tap and video games, this piece of art comes with a 26″ flat panel HDTV, 2 conveniently-placed cup holders to house your beverage while playing, a trackball system and 2 joysticks for head to head drunken pissed off classic video game action. They also made this beast capable of hooking up to your PS3, 360, Wii, etc. as well as loading the machine up with Windows XP so you can “work from home” on those days where just going into work sucks. Which 60% of the time is always 100% of the time.
Oh, for those interested in the actual gaming part, here is a list of all the legitimate games:
TAITO Legends:
Space Invaders, Space Invaders II, Bubble Bobble, Elevator Action, Rastan, New Zealand Story, Plotting(aka Flipull), Jungle Hunt, Operation Wolf, Operation Thunderbolt, Rainbow Islands, Phoenix Colony 7, Electric YoYo, Zoo Keeper, Great Swordsman, Gladiator, Exisus, Plump Pop, Super Qix, Battle Shark, Continental, Circus, Volfied, Ninja Kids, Space Gun, ThunderFox, Tube It, Return of the Invaders, and Tokio.Konami Classics:
Castlevania, Castlevania II, Castlevania III, Contra, Super CMidway:
720 Degrees, Blaster Bubbles, Defender, Defender II, Gauntlet, Joust, Joust 2, Klax, Marble Madness, Paperboy, Rampage, Rampart, Road Blasters, Robotron: 2084, Root Beer Tapper, Satan’s Hollow, Sinistar, Smash TV, SPLAT!, Spy Hunter, Super Sprint, Toobin’, Vindicators.Midway Deluxe:
Mortak Kombat, Mortal Kombat II, Mortal Kombat III, Xybots, NARC, APB, Cyberball 2072, Timber, Total Carnage, Pit Fighter, Wizard of Wor, Xenophobe, Primal Rage, Arch Rivals, Rampage World Tour, Kozmik Krooz’r, Championship Sprint, Hard Drivin’, Wakco, Badlands, Hydro Thunder, Off Road Thunder: Mud, Sweat, ‘N’ Gears, Race Drivin’, San Francisco Rush the Rock: Alcatraz Edition, San Francisco Rush 2049, S.T.U.N. Runner, Super Off Road.
Not gonna lie, pretty stoked for a beer and Mortal Kombat combo.
Get yours today for a low low price of $3,499. Start saving those empties you drunks.
Most of you already know how the Captains feel about Facebook. If you want to post a bunch of almost naked photos of yourself far be it for us to try and stop you. However, don’t get pissed when people think your a slore or the fact that you have creepy people ogling your photos. Another thing, it’s not cool to post pictures of you drinking, nor is it attractive to the opposite sex. Once you get out of college (hopefully) you will realize that.
Please do not post 246 pictures from a single night you and your 2 friends making a bunch of stupid faces over and over again. Why do teenage girls sit in their house taking pictures of themselves making a pouty face a trillion times then take 30 more in the car doing the same thing? It’s fucking stupid. Is this what passes for fun these days for kids? It’s fucking retarded.
And another thing ladies. Guys know that when you put your hand on your hip in a picture it’s so you can appear thinner. Give it up.
That is all.
Ok, so it’s 2010. Where the hell is my flying car? 1980′s futuristic movies have lied to me. I don’t even see any strides being made. Fuck, I’d even take a hover board at this point. What’s the deal America? This is the real space race, get your shit together. If a president ran for office whose platform was solely based on the promise of building a flying car during their presidency I would vote for them with no questions asked. I wouldn’t care if they were a serial rapist or an unemployed toaster technician. I want a flying fucking car.
When I was in middle school I had a locker. It was the first time I had a password. I remember writing the 3-digit combination down and struggling to remember it whenever I had to go to my locker to grab a book, a coat, or my lunch.
Several years later, I had to add another layer of passwords to my knowledge. I signed up for AIM like the rest of the world and had a new password to remember. A few months afterwords, I got an email address. I had about 3-4 passwords to remember and I was fine with that.
I entered college several years after that and now had a college ID number, which was sort of like a password, a new email address/password in addition to other miscellaneous passwords that were needed for some apparent reason, i.e. mail box, front door password, ATM card, etc. My 3-4 passwords now jumped to about 6-8 – I could still handle it, but it was beginning to get ridiculous.
I graduated from school and got a job and began to build credit and wealth. My 6-8 passwords now grew to about 20+. Over the past 5 years, I’ve had to generate passwords for time card software, Microsoft Outlook, expense reporting and PeopleSoft, on-line credit card web sites, on-line banking, any site I ever visited and bought something from (about 20+ itself), DropBox, Fantasy Baseball/Football, etc.
Now there is a password for just about anything you can imagine. None are easy to remember or can be the same (according to the IT guru’s of the world). Personal passwords aren’t too bad, but work passwords suck because of all the encryption requirements. This brings me to a delightful story I have from a few months ago where I basically put in the wrong password and as a result I needed to have IT reopen the software for me. Here’s the basic synopsis of that conversation with IT:
Captain Polish: Hey, I’m locked out of Expense Expert.
IT: OK. What’s your password?
Captain Polish: Why?
IT: Well, we can just put your current password in and open the site for you.
Captain Polish: OK. Can I email it to you?
IT: Why don’t you just tell me. It’ll be faster.
Captain Polish: OK. It’s ahhh, it’s ummm, P00PM0NSTER.
IT: (snickering)
Captain Polish: Yes it’s P00PM0NSTER and all the O’s are zeros.
IT: OK. You should be all set.
What was I to do? I just watched Dogma a month earlier and used P00PM0NSTER for my password not knowing that one day I’d be required to provide it to the IT department. Now I’m the guy at work that has the fucked up passwords. Great.
The moral of the story kids is that no matter what you do, passwords are growing exponentially and you need to be prepared to make them easy, and not embarrassing, in order to remember them. This will allow you to continue to access your shit without having to hassle your workplace IT department thereby avoiding embarrassment.
P00PM0NSTER!
Is your relationship in shambles?
Women, do you hate waking up to a 8.3 magnitude fart coming out of your husbands ass? Men do you hate how your wife is constantly nagging you because you are decimating her with your farts while you sleep? Well, worry no more. Your relationship is saved.
Introducing the Better Marriage Blanket.
My one question is…what happens when the blanket gets ripped? Does a mushroom cloud of fart gas come out and everyone dies? I suppose we will find out soon enough.
My dad has let the media win for the last 10 years. He has been obsessed with identity theft. He refuses to buy things online with a credit/debit card (he buys prepaid gift cards) and I don’t think he has ever given out his social security number over the phone. Clearly he’s insane, but not funny insane like this guy’s dad.
Well, he might have topped himself this time. On 20/20 or one of those other dumb ass news casts they claim there is some chemical that you dip checks into that will erase all ink written on it without harming the check. So if you did it to someone else’s, at a certain angle you could wipe off everything but the person’s signature and write yourself a check for eleventy billion dollars. Apparently, there is one pen in the world resistant to that. One fucking Ivan Drago esque feet of modern science that can defy the chemical.
When my dad heard this, he bought every single member of my family one of those pens…even both my Grandmothers and not just my brother but my sister in law too (apparently they can’t share).
Thank you media for brainwashing one more person.
Yes folks you read it correctly. This is from Craigslist and no, this is not a scam….
There is one little stipulation however if you do take this TV.
Free LCD TV.Yes it works perfectly.Yes it has a remote. No i wont deliver. Why is it FREE you ask????? My room mate thought it would be “hysterical” to pause gay porn on my TV while my girlfriend and I were on vacation for 2 weeks, thus burning and image into the screen. So…If you dont mind a sillouette of a skinny white guy taking a load in the face from the biggest black penis in recorded history forever adorning your new TV, Its yours.
Thank you long lost Kirk.
