OK, so in the spirit of Valentines day, here’s a good question. Two girls? Four boobs. Two lips. But only one vagina and two cheeks. I think this is a good time to open it up to our new audience and TCM to let us know your thoughts. If you banged this girl(s) can you call mom bragging you had a threesome?
As we all know, this day was solely created for stores to make money off of everybody…mostly men, with significant others. Which leaves the question, what will the single folks be doing tonight?
I think the answer is simple…looking for some ass.
Now kids, before you go out to the social clubs later, or whatever it is you do, put this thought in your mind. Is it worth it? 100% of you will say yes, and I don’t blame you. Most likely however, you will find someone just like you looking for some play, on the other hand, you might run into that desperate single that is looking for true love on V-Day. If that is the case, what I can tell you is that you have one corny ass mother fucker on your hands. It is pretty friggen cliche for someone to go out on Valentines Day looking for true love. That’s like some doucher wearing a Coldplay t-shirt to an Eminem concert…. O wait, I just caught myself there…before I continue, I am going to point out 3 problems with that past sentence. First, anyone wearing a Coldplay t-shirt should be shot. Secondly, anyone attending an Eminem concert, should be drawn and quartered. And finally, anyone wearing a Coldplay t-shirt to an Eminem concert…well, we will just leave that result up to you.
To be honest, if I was single today I would be going out for sure. To get ass? No, to get shitfaced. Not because I’m all depressed about not having a girlfriend, its because I like to get fucked up. A wise man once told me, and this probably has nothing to do with this post:
“My body is a temple…and I’m gonna get that temple fucked up!”
Take those words into consideration. Whether you are looking for the opposite sex’s private parts (or the same sex, if you swing that way) or just wanting to get trashed. Fuck your temple up.
In all reality, I don’t care what you go out and do tonight. Just don’t die…
Unless I hate you, then go get hit by a horse and buggy.
That’s right, those huge bastards are ruining the game of golf. Manatees all over Florida are uniting to piss retirees off. An easier way to do this is to drive fast, remember what you ordered from a restaurant, and have control over all of your bowel movements.
But why is this happening?
Manatees, known as sea cows, believe they can play at a high level, the same high level as their half brother Phil Mickelson. There’s no questioning their claim. When Mickelson blew up in the US Open years ago it was because a Manatee choir broke out in celebration too quickly at the Winged Foot private party room apparently pissing off the staff. Phil’s hoping that his kin staff calm, cool and collective for his lame attempt for a Masters jacket in April.
On a related note, today is Valentines Day. Take a moment to think back at all the Manatees you once sweated over for Valentines then punch yourself in the nuts for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, Manatees are not hot.
