I’ve never met him, but from what I understand God is a pretty cool guy. I don’t mean to be sacrilegious in saying that; I just don’t need to be reminded of it everywhere I go by religious crazy people.
Just last week I was minding my business, walking to a bar, when out of the blue someone asked if I wanted a billion dollar bill. I said why not and took it. The woman was very fast to tell me that it wasn’t real and I’m glad she did because I was looking forward to taking out the biggest bar tab in the world with it. She uttered something to me about how “Jesus saves” so I replied “So does Charles Schwab” and walked away.
I get to the bar, look over the dollar bill, and I am confused. This is the front of it:
OK. So it’s got some random guy on it I thought. Doesn’t seem too random right? Nope. I then turned it over:
Written in a style I used to use to piss people off back in the day when signing yearbooks, this billion dollar bill just basically told me that I’m going to hell immediately for having impure thoughts. Apparently if I look at anyone with lust, I’m doomed. Oh well, I’ve been screwed since middle school then.
This didn’t put a damper on the night by any means. I just find it ridiculous that people have to become walking, talking billboards for religion. It really bothers me. I do go to church here and there and believe in God, but I don’t foresee the need to broadcast it all over the place. I find it a nuisance when people do this because no one cares about how intense their beliefs are.
This isn’t the first time one of these encounters have happened to me. I’ve been approached by Mormons, met crazy religious zealots in NYC, and spent an afternoon walking around with two Christian missionaries in Dallas during a random business trip. I don’t know why, but I tend to attract these folk.
Anyhow, I wanted to throw this out there to see if other folks have encountered anything similar. I know. They always say to avoid religion, politics and you’ll be in fine in casual conversations with others, but that’s not Captain Polish’s style. So how about it: how would you react to this? Do you think we have an epidemic of religious crazy people in the world?
I’m suprised is wasn’t Kirk Cameron that gave you that. He left a friend of mine (who was a waiter) one of those bills at a restaurant…
We do probably have an epidemic, and it probably doesn’t help that some interpretations of their holy books basically say to force religion on non-believers. They used to leave stuff like that in the bathrooms back when I worked retail. Gotta love the tract disproving evolution… :)
Notice how the Jews never try to propogate their religion to anyone???…Chalk one up for the JEWS!!!! o and you did not mention those bastards who come door to door.
One time when I was at work, I was in the elevator and I was carrying a Cospolitan magazine. For those of you men who are unaware of this womans mag, it often has very attractive women on the cover (thia particular issue featured Kim Kardashian) and while it carries articles regarding fashion and other trivial girl things it also tells you several ways to please your man sexually. A women who was in the elevator with me saw that on the cover of the magazine was the words Better SEX with your Man. She immediately looked at me, pointed to the writing on the magazine in my arms and said “You know young lady, God hates for this”. Although I was shocked and taken aback, my response was simply “Maam, telling me that God hates me is like telling me the Easter Bunny hates me”. I
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