Guess what. We messed with Texas.
Arriving late last night for a strategic conference to disguss blogging, global domination, farts, Nirvana’s influence on speed metal, and chimpanzee’s, TCM took Texas by storm. When I say TCM, it’s really just Captain Polish, by he’s one of the next great triumvirate (check your history book’s bitches).
After six hours of Tequila drinking in a cantina (spanish for “whore island”), Captain Polish began decimating the local tourists at the Alamo with hadukens and drop kicks. When the Texas Rangers arrived, he was already on top the Alamo throwing large stones at the local villagers.
Hilarity ensued when the local villagers and police decended upon the Alamo to remove Captain Polish. When he ran out of stones, he threw his own feces.
Eventually captured and jailed, Captain Polish escaped with a gentleman by the name of Texas Jack. They slipped through the bars in a jail, stole the sheriff’s car keys, got wasted on more Tequila, and plowed through a rodeo joint. The rodeo folks made Texas Jack and Captain Polish ride a bull as their punishment. Texas Jack was dominated by the bull, but Captain Polish, now wearing a bright red “Polish Power” shirt, dominated the bull, trained him, and rode him out of the rodeo.
Note to Texas: Next time you pick a slogan, don’t try to pick one so stupid it makes people want to challenge it. If New York had this slogan and someone tried to mess with it, they’d be shot.
Point of this pointless story: We messed with Texas.
[...] like we were weeks back in San Antonio, we managed to escape to safety and finished our deeds. After a week of evading arrest and stealing [...]
[...] Texas. It’s a huge ass state that the U.S. fought for against the Mexicans in the Mexican War and was annexed quickly afterward as a result. It is a state where things are big – boobs, sports teams budgets, food, and people. It is a state where Bush came from. Enough said. [...]