Condoms, who’s used them? No, not to pull over your head and then proceeding to blow up with your nose…the way they are supposed to be used. Well hopefully most of you have said yes. I’m sure the ones that didn’t, know their doctors a little too well. I’m sure this phone call sounds all to familiar, “Hey doc. Yea its Captain Polish. No, this time it burns when I pee.”
Well, for those who have dabbled in the world of condoms, carrying them around town expecting to use them right away can be a bitch. There are several places where you can store your sex balloon:
- Your wallet. This is probably the most common place to hold your condom but I’m sure many of you don’t use it right after you put it in your wallet, so what do you get? That’s right…the dreaded condom ring. Not only do you get that ring, but it can crack and become dry. That does not sound like a pleasant experience putting it on after 6 weeks of taking shelter under your butt cheeks.
- Your pocket. This is a good spot if you are almost certain you will be dabbling in the world of safe sex later that night. But it can have its drawbacks. For example, if you are buying a drink at the bar for your “special lady” and you happen to keep your money in the same pocket, a unfortunate mistake can occur. You might just happen to throw down your condom on the bar expecting it to be money. What a douche you look like expecting to get ass tonight with a move like that. If you can’t even throw money properly on the bar, how the fuck are you gonna put on a condom later?
- In your shoe. This is a place I highly advise you do not use. Not only are you going to be stepping on what you will be putting on your peener later, but the dancing fool you are it might get lost out there on the dance floor. That is no bueno later when you get back with your “special lady” and have no rain jacket to strap onto your willie. You are really gonna regret doing the Electric Slide 9 months later I will tell you that.
Well you will not have to worry about ruining your condom anymore during transportation. Our dear friends over at Trojan have created Trojan2Go. A 2 pack of condoms in a discreet, disposable package that is about the size of a credit card. It will fit perfectly in your wallet or pocket (still a no no in the shoe). This now assures a safe comfortable ride for your friends to your house, her house, motel room or possibly the backseat of her 1992 Chevy Lumina which sort of turns you off because there are empty bags of McDonald’s strewn all over her backseat, but then turns you on because she has a Jesus Cross and Mardi Gras/St. Patrick’s Day beads hanging from her rearview mirror.
Just don’t make the mistake of pulling these guys out for a second form of ID. The FAA Officers probably won’t find that too amusing.
And how very perfect to have one for the late night and a spare for the next morning…just in case the opportunity arises, so to speak.
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