Beginner’s Guide to a Public Bathroom

The following guide can be applied to a 4 stall or fewer bathroom. NOTE: When the bathroom exceeds 5 stalls, the rules no longer apply as you have entered a urinary sanctuary known as a “mass traffic” facility. Yankee Stadium, Penn Station, or the Racetrack are a few examples of such places.

Stall 4: Most used. Avoid at all costs. You will be most likely to realize there is no TP when it is to late. Also most likely to become the “Challengee”.

Stall 3: A safe option if stall one is used. This is also the best option to begin a “Challenge”.

Stall 2: The second most used stall. As most will head to stall 4, farthest from the door, there is a tendency to give a one stall safety. This will also be the first used if there is already a gopher coming out looking for its shadow or if there was a McDonalds stop 30 minutes prior.

Stall 1: This is always the least used and safest as most will avoid the area. In a recent poll, 68% of men were nervous their farts would not be deemed manly enough for a public bathroom. And 93% of women were nervous of even squeeking one out. The closer you are to the action, the more likely to be judged

Challenge: The following is typically played between two stalls but is not limited to the challenger and the challengee. Spectators are always allowed to participate.
1) Challenger: First to let out one enormous fart.
2) Challengee: Second to let out an enormous fart – initiating acceptance of the Challenge.
3) Challenge continues until silence ensues. There is typically a sigh from the losing stall.
4) If the challenger and challengee see each other at the sink (Rule, always wash hands), it is customary to comment on the skills of the winner.

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