Be a Certified Virgin.

Waiting for that special someone that most likely will never come?

Need something other than a verbal agreement and a purity ring to back up your “no sex clause”?

Not there when the fun mobile shows up and the Pussycat Dolls fucked everyone leaving you the only virgin out of your Magic playing cards friends?

Had sex with what looked like a human the night before but in the morning represented a beluga whale the more that you stared at them?

This website is for you. If you already aren’t, which I’d say 93% of our readers are, become a virgin again!

old Be a Certified Virgin.

For only a $1, you can sign up and receive a certified certificate declaring you a virgin. Or if you have run out of ideas as to what to get your friends for their birthdays, you can sign their pimply ass up as well! The best part is that portion of your purchase will go to AIDS cure research. Do some good, sign our recently departed Captain Kirk up for this…he still has yet to come to terms that masturbating does not count as sex.

Not sure if you need this? Take a quick look around your room. If you have a stack of Magic cards, every Lord of the Rings DVD Special Editions, a Lamborghini Countach poster from the mid 80s, The Anarchist’s Cook Book, a computer that costs more than your car and enough empty Mountain Dew cans to buy a car…you need this certificate.