It’s January and we all know what that means – millions of people across America have finally figured out that they are fat. What do they do? Join Weight Watchers, start crazy diets, take more frequent trips to Subway, and of course, join a gym.
Don’t get me wrong, gym’s are great – just not in January. Why?? I’m glad you asked:
No matter how many people sign up for the gym, the gym never decides to create more space or add more machines. You have more people “waiting to work out” and just staring at everyone else sweat their asses off.
It’s January and it’s cold as shit out. Gym’s decide to crank the temperature up so you sweat while walking over to the water cooler. This is great because sweating helps you lose weight, but no one wants to see the 35-year old ex-football star with man boobs wearing a white shirt expose his newly minted rack.
Parking always sucks because everyone needs to go to the gym. You can’t find a spot and the one you find is behind the building or a twenty minutes walk. I have no problems walking; it just sucks when the temperature is below 0.
TV Programming during the winter months is horrible. The best sport on the TV is football which is reserved for weekends. College football is over. You have basketball in plenty of variety, but that sport sucks. So what do they show you? Repeat episodes of Monk, Everybody Loves Raymond, and all the MTV you want. I had to run while being forced to watch The Jersey Shore. I feel dumber for doing so.
People that sign up for a gym in January are the one’s that need to go to a gym and also the one’s normal people don’t want to see in public. Let me elaborate. If you sign up for a gym in January, you are probably some sort of psycho. I’m not lieing. I spent yesterday on the treadmill scanning the new populace at the gym to realize the place it now populated by fucktards. I’m ready to move somewhere else, but then I become this guy. Alas I’m stuck here until the summer until I forget about this occurrance.
No one knows how to work out! You see the new high school kids walking around obviously leering at the cougar doing squat-thrusts while sitting on the bench. Why? You ask them if they’re using it and their parents come over. Why? You tell their parents you need to use the bench and they tell you that they are using it. How? People are idiots – I’ve been using this line for about 6 months now and every time I say it it makes me believe it’s even more true than the first time I uttered it.
My rants have gotten more negative and I guess I’m just a pissed off, angry person, but who gives a shit. At least I have a point on this topic.
Tune in tomorrow as I tackle “Gym Culture” and analyze couples, high school kids, old people, and athletes all in one post.
Glory be, the funk’s on me.
