There were two major stories in the news this week pertaining to Hollywood. The first was the Oscars which I found to be incredibly useful as a sleep aid on Sunday night with the exception of that wonderful lunatic Kirk Douglas. It was so awkward and wonderful that I just couldn’t look away, even though I felt I should. I kept thinking to myself that we were all watching someone die on stage. And I mean that literally, not figuratively. I half expected that I would see him in the “For those we lost” montage they have at the end of the show each year. The second major story in the news this week is the other wonderful lunatic in Hollywood, Charlie Sheen. I can’t say enough about how much I love this guy. I just think that it’s fantastic that for once we can see a star being completely honest about his life. I mean he isn’t saying anything that we the public don’t already know to be true. He is rich, his life is awesome and better than ours will ever be, he loves drugs and porn stars, both of which he can afford and he is fucking awesome. Name one thing about that that isn’t true or isn’t what you would be doing/thinking if you had several million dollars in the bank. Many people are appalled, but I think fuck yes! We should look up to this guy. When most of us see a porno we just crank one out and then move on. Charlie says fuck that, I’m gonna call this whore and make her reenact this scene with me. Then I am going to do some blow and watch Jaws on my huge fucking yacht. Fuck yes!