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Memos Tagged America


Mar72009

The World Baseball Classic

There’s a lot of controversy and opinion that surfaces from the World Baseball Classic (the “WBC”), mainly focusing around the premise that injuries could occur , which would sideline the player for a given time prior to, or during, the MLB season. The Mets sent 16 players to the WBC, more than any other team, which could become dentrimental should the players not be prepared by missing Spring Training, or by becoming injured. This Mets fan is still a supporter.

The WBC creates an atmosphere and global presense not seen since Michael Phelps smoked dope in the middle of the 400m medley, only to come back and win in world record time. It makes a game, rather than a player or syringe, to take center stage. Most of all, it allows Mets fans to cheer for Brian McCann, Chipper Jones, and Shane Victorino. It allows a Yankee fan to cheer for Youk and Pedroia, things that would never occur due to the overwhelming hatred/bias built into the divisions. And in all reality, most of these players don’t choose where they wish to play – they are thrown into the divisional fire and try not to be burned. In today’s world, we have many uncertaintities, what certainty we do have is that the USA still remains the best country in the world. These are our boys and they are not playing for money, a new contract, or their own selfish needs. They play for our troops overseas, the pride of their fellow countrymen, and the three best colors in the world: Red, White & Blue.

usa The World Baseball Classic



Mar72009

Krispy Kreme. So Good You’ll Suck….

Someone let this one slip by:

krispy kreme 1 Krispy Kreme. So Good Youll Suck....

krispy kreme 2 Krispy Kreme. So Good Youll Suck....

krispy kreme 3 Krispy Kreme. So Good Youll Suck....

Yes, its fo real. Courtesy of LISC.



Mar52009

National Cheez-Doodle Day

That is correct folks, today is National Cheez-Doodle Day. What a great country we live in where we can dedicate a full 24 hours to a snack food. 267 cheesedoodles National Cheez Doodle DayCan countries like Somalia and Afghanistan do this?  Fuck no. The Cheez-Doodle is a goddamn awesome snack. May I remind you it is NOT Cheetos. Don’t get me wrong, Cheetos are good, but they are no Cheez-Doodles.

In lieu of this day, lets break down this florescent orange geese shit look alike snack and see what really makes a cheez doodle, a cheez doodle.

Shape
If it wasn’t bright orange, I’d say we were eating a crunchy but yet tasty piece of geese shit.

Color
The florescent orange is a staple color for these cheesy snacks, but we would like to suggest possibly making each puff a different color.  Or for you douchey pink dolphin lovers, pink cheez doodles….nah, we wouldn’t allow that to happen here. Or, how about for the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day, green cheez doodles?  We would have to also say no to this because its bad enough that our beer gets turned sickly urine green, we don’t need our drunk snack food to be the same color. If you disagree with us, lets pan ahead to March 17, 2009 and your friend asks you what you are eating and drinking:

Friend: Hey, what are you eating and drinking over there?
You: Hey friend, well I am eating geese shit and drinking piss from someone who has gangrene.

Taste
They are friggen awesome, and if you say anything else, we will hunt you down and break your neck.

Well, what have we learned today.  That A) Cheez Doodles look like bright orange pieces of geese shit, B) They taste awesome and C) God Bless America.

If you haven’t already got up in disgust about this memo to get a bag of Cheez Doodles, do so now and spread the good word while doing so.


Tags:

Feb282009

Why Europeans are less productive than Americans

We can drink our coffee straight.



Feb252009

Let’s invent stuff

In order to eat we have always used the same three utensils, created for one purpose: Quick consumption, so Americans can put more in their stomachs before getting too full. (You wonder why Asians are so skinny, how fast can you eat with chopsticks?) So let’s get America fatter. A spoon fork knife combination. Every person gets two, one in each hand, for quick flippage depending on the task at hand. Think you’ve seen this before? Someone probably tried. Maybe it didn’t work out due to the fact that the blades on the knife would cut your fingers. Eh, it’s worth it.



Feb182009

Who is Walter Sobchak?

Walter Sobchak is a true American. Walter Sobchak watched his buddies die face down in the mud so we can enjoy or coffee. Not to be obnoxious, sacrilegious, crude, or any other term you can conjure, but Walter Sobchak changed my life. But who is he?

untitled Who is Walter Sobchak?

Walter is the Dude’s best friend, and Donny’s biggest critic, in the Big Lebowski. Walter is a fictional character, but there should be a some part of him in all of us.

Walter Sobchak once beat three nihilists with his bare hands and a bowling ball.
Walter Sobchak once wrecked the car of someone he never met because he accused him of fucking a stranger in the ass.
Walter Sobchak once rolled on Shabas even though he’s Jewish.

You get the point.

TCM’s advice to all our readers is to learn more about Walter and god willing, when you’re ready, check out this festival, if you can handle it.

We’re a bit behind, but give us a break. We’ve been posting for 5 days and have years worth of shit to get up here!


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