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Memos Tagged At Work


Jul62009

Breaking through the through the Work Place Firewall!

Today was a great day for Captain Polish. Out of nowhere, the ultra strong work place firewall went down and I could visit one of my favorite sites – ESPN.com. I’ve been reading about sports ever since I found out how awesome it is to read and take a dump at the same time. Word has it Captain Kirk has never experienced this pleasure because he is incapable of taking a dump (it’s shocking, but it’s true).

Anyhow my favorite writer is Rick Reilly, hands down. I’ve cherished his weekly column for as long as I can remember as much as Captain Yar cherishes keeping up to date with his favorite writer, Perez Hilton.

After a long lay off of visiting ESPN, I was surprised with all the good articles he’s written. The best one is his latest which talks about taking sports into the workplace. Now I know I tend to write a lot about work, but come on, who really enjoys their job? Here’s a nice excerpt from Reilly on how we can kick things up a bit:

What offices need right now is a little bit of sports.

If there’s one thing games teach us, it’s to buck up, dig in and hold on. That’s what we cherish about sports — the faith that no matter how bad things suck, eventually you’re going to win. How else do you explain Cubs fans?

For instance, what if — like in hockey — the boss picked the three stars of the day? And those three people came out of their cubicles and did a little spin around the main lobby carpet while the other employees banged their staplers on their desks in approval?

What if the office had chest bumps and shaving-cream pies and everybody slapping the Work Like a Champion Today sign over the door on the way in?…

I totally agree with Mr. Reilly and I’m totally glad those ass clowns in IT today fucked up the firewall so I could catch this story.

Want more? See how Rick Reilly would fix the economy.



Jun262009

The Ultra Strong Workplace Firewall

I work at job where I’m consistenly busy, but when I’m not, like today, I’m screwed. You know why? THEY’VE DECIDED TO PUT THE STRONGEST FIREWALL ON THE INTERNET THAT IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO DETER EMPLOYEES FROM VISITING INTERESTING WEB SITES!! Can you believe that shit?!? Well I sort of can. I was in denial when I first encountered the problem, but over the past 4 years I’ve been developing my own ways to have inner-office fun when bored:

- See how much coffee you can drink without peeing

- Talk to co-workers about their kids and only reply with the expressions “wow!”; “oh yeah?”; “that’s great!”

- Race office chairs down the hallway

- Try to task your boss with as much work of your’s that you possibly can

- Transfer every call you have to people that work in finance

- Visit all the interns and trade college stories

- Go on a scavenger hunt for candy/food

- Do some office laps around the workspace while looking straightforward, avoiding all eye contact, and looking determined

- Give out random nicknames to everyone you see

This is all I got and frankly I need more to keep me sane when I need to slack for a few hours.

Loyal office readers, I’m hoping you’ll have a few ideas. Ideally I’d be uploading some cool stuff on TCM, but destiny decided to shit on Captain Polish with the whole Internet thing. Now everyone knows why my posts are late at night and often make little to no sense.


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