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Memos Tagged Badass Names


Top Ten
Oct232009

Top 10 Humans With Animal Nicknames

And you all thought our Meetings of the Minds was just to get wasted and perform nonsense, but we actually did work son. We came up with several topics to cover over the upcoming weeks, and this was one of them.

People have all sorts of nicknames, such as Charlie “The Little Tramp” Chaplin, General “Stormin” Norman Schwarzkopf and who could always forget John Wayne “The Killer Clown” Gacy. I know I can’t. Anyways, we are here today to honor those who have animal nicknames. It takes a special person to possess an animal nickname and the following 10 people are no exception. So without further adieu, I present the Top 10 Humans With Animal Nicknames:

*Disclaimer – I honestly don’t know why a majority of these guys got their nicknames, so there is a 94.2% chance I will be completely inaccurate on their nickname origin which in turn automatically makes most of these peoples nicknames directly related to pooping and/or farting. Prepare to become stupider than you already are after reading this.

10 – Eldrick “Tiger” Woods

10 Top 10 Humans With Animal Nicknames

The infamous Tiger Woods. No wonder why he goes by the name Tiger. What the fuck kind of name is Eldrick? I think he made a wise choice using a nickname on the complete opposite spectrum to his true name. Eldrick = queer, Tiger = no so queer. The story of how he got his nickname was when he was younger and took a swing of the golf club, he farted and it sounded like a tiger…hence Tiger Woods. If that was me that farted, my nickname would have been Captain “Sasquatch Having an Orgasm” Yar.

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Crazy
Sep142009

Greatest Name…EVER.

A bus driver in Sweden decided that his name was not cool/long enough so what did he do? He gave himself a name so badass, that we just had to tell you.

s JULIUS ANDREAS GIMLI ARN MACGYVER CHEWBACKA HIGHLA large Greatest Name...EVER.

Andreas Jankov officially changed his name to:

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov.

So, let’s quickly run down the meanings of his name:

  • Julius is an homage to the famous chimp at the Kristiansand Zoo
  • ‘Arn’ is a Swedish knight movie
  • Elessar and Gimli are from ‘Lord of the Rings’
  • ‘MacGyver’, you know that show where the guy can make a machine gun out of a snorkel mask, a paper clip and some pieces of string.
  • ‘Highlander’ could refer to either the movie or TV show, but there only can be one.
  • Chewbacka (TCM side note: We believe Andreas spelled this wrong, but since he is Swedish we will give him the benefit of the doubt. It should be spelled: Chewbacca) is from ‘Star Wars’.

I bet you this guy gets laid like no other.

You can officially throw this name into the list of badass names along with:

  • Guts the Black Swordsman
  • Nemesis Enforcer
  • The End
  • King Bloodfeather
  • Doctor Bong (Our Personal Favorite)
  • Rooster Cogburn

I wonder if his wife has to take his extremely awesome last name. I’d marry the fucker just to take his last name….and who couldn’t resist his Swedish mullet.


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Somewhat Historial Significance
Aug172009

Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

TCM has already given you the Top Ten Presidential looks and a glimpse back at some incredible names people had in the Middle Ages. Now we’d like to present to you a small list of badass names our beloved, U.S.A. has conjured up. It’s hard to compete with names from the likes of Ancient Greece or Rome. But, for a relatively “new” country we’ve done alright for ourselves.

5. Norman Schwarzkopf

Schwarzkopf Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

Stormin’ Norman. Vietnam vet and General during Operation: Desert Storm. Single handedly helping to bring badass names into the 1990′s. Known for being firm but fair, his name speaks for itself.

4. Wolf Blitzer

wolf blitzer Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

CNN news anchor and all around classy guy. Wolf holds the monopoly on the modern time era bad ass name.

3. Chief Crazy Horse

Chief CrazyHorse Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

Do I really need to explain you why this is badass? A native American in the Lakota tribe, he played a pivotal role in Custer’s Last Stand. Apparently, the beer industry loved his name so much they named a brand of 40′s after him. Neil Young’s on and off again backing band named themselves after him as well. He even had a little brother named High Horse. Need I say more?

2. William Tecumseh Sherman

shermanwilliamtbio Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

Dear God does that reek of pure unadulterated badassness. A Civil War general with a native American middle name. That was absolutely unheard of. This man scorched Georgia for all it was worth and than just couldn ‘t stop.

1. Ulysses S. Grant

ulysses Badass Names Throughout The History Of America

Alcoholic Civil War hero turned U.S. President. Grant is on the $50 bill and was ball parked at smoking over 10,000 cigars in 5 years. And honestly, could you ask for a more commanding throughly American badass name than that?


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Random, Somewhat Historial Significance
Apr32009

The Middle Ages

Have you ever seen a movie about the Middle Ages (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure)?

billandted5 The Middle Ages

Well if you have, awesome, you understand, but if you haven’t, the Middle Ages were a bad ass time to live:

- You got to eat with your hands
- Knights were cool
- People threw their poop out into the road
- Language was very awesome and random
- People had incredible names

That’s right. The only reason to go back and live in the Middle Ages would be for your name. Imagine being Richard the Lionhearted, Pepin the Short, or William the Conquerer. Pretty sick huh. You could roll into any party, someone would announce your name and shit would just go insane. You’d have fair maidens dancing with you, knights in full armor playing ale pong, and don’t forget those cool Medievel Bands – they’ll be rocking out with some random flute, drum loop making the masses go nuts.

Well friends, it’s time to bring this back to the 21st century. Back to reality a minute, we have much better food, beer, clothes, etc. than the Middle Ages did, but our names, although meaningful and sentimental, need an upgrade. It’s time for us to start addressing eachother in Middle Aged tongue. Next time you see your buddy Pete, instead of giving him a “What’s up Man?”, give him a “Good Morrow Peter the Pooper.”

You get this idea. This could be rather fun. The best thing about the names is that once their made, they’ll stick. Imagine your fun in the office when you can walk around and give out the names for Larry the Flatulent, Tiny the Loose-Legged, and Barnaby the Badnamed. Instant popularity or hatred depending on which way you decide to go.


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