I’ve never heard so much about something so stupid before in my life until today when the media’s coverage of the beer summit at the White House blew up all over the world much like Ron Jeremy’s proverbial load has been blown countless times all over Christy Cannon.

From what reports have given us, we know Obama had a Bud Lite, the Cop had a Blue Moon traditional style with a slice of orange, the Professor had a Sam Adams Light, and Biden manned up with a non-alcoholic beer. What kind? I don’t give a shit because I drink alcoholic beer and I enjoy it, maybe way too much at times, but who gives a shit about that.

Let me say, as the leader of the free world, I was expecting more from Obama on this beer party. He should be ashamed of the way it went down:

1. Where’s the party clothes? How can they get loose in suits? I was expecting someone to at least where a beer box over their head for a bit.
2. Who serves beer on a tray?
3. Bud Light? Come on. I was hoping when I heard he had a Bud Light, it was more like he had 30 and drinking games ensued.
4. Speaking of which, no beer pong, flip cups, or asshole?
5. Why a few beers? I would’ve paid to see them all get plastered and really talk about race. That would’ve been awesome.
6. Also, why no keg parties at the White House? I know it’s not a frat house, but these guys got to live a bit. I can’t imagine what it’d be like if I didn’t get loose in my own home (or designated home) for four years. Those would be four long years.

I’m not even going to analyze the beers each one selected, but 2/3 of the alcoholic beers are foreign. Sam Light? Way to pick the shittiest brew of all 18 blends. Well maybe Cranberry Lambic is worse, but you know what I’m getting at.

Fellas, regardless or your age, race, and stature, we can make better choices than you did at this beer summit. Yes we can.

Speaking of which, if you could drink a beer with the President and he had to pace you, what would you be drinking and what would you pick for him to drink?? Ram’s piss is not an acceptable answer for either.