This video made the rounds about a month or two ago. I loved it so much it deserves to be posted on TCM. Check out my man after a drug addled day at the Coachella Music Festival. If only he followed The Captain’s Guide To Concert-Going…
Remember a few months back when I ranted about how much of a monopoly Ticketmaster has become? Not only are they crushing every single one of their competitors, they are also charging outrageously high ticket prices, “service” fees (whatever the fuck those are) and taxes but now they have stooped to an all time super villain low. They are now charging customers a fee to have the tickets sent electronically to their e-mail address after purchasing, which was free up until a short time ago. This clearly costs Ticketmaster no money to do, yet shipping tickets out the old fashioned way at the slowest speed possible is free to the customer. This is one of the most retarded things I’ve ever heard.
Someone needs to slay this power hungry and money grubbing Goliath or at the very least knock them off their proverbial high horse.
Thanks once again to Doug for showing me the latest case of Ticketmaster rape.
Fuck Ticketmaster. I know that I’m not the first person to ever say that. Hell, Pearl Jam spent most of 1995 doing its best to stick it to them only to get fucked in the ass. But my friends, this is because Ticketmaster’s greed cannot be stopped.
A few weeks ago, She & Him announced a small tour consisting of about 6 U.S. shows. The band does not tour often because it’s made up of actress, Zooey Deschanel and musician M. Ward who both have limited free time due to their other projects. 2 shows were scheduled for NYC’s Bowery Ball Room and I was hell bent on going. Not only do I greatly enjoy their music, but what self respecting male wouldn’t want to see Zooey Deschanel in person? I could finally cross it off my bucket list.
I knew I would have a hard time getting tickets but their website announced a pre-sale a week ahead of time. I figured this would be my best opportunity. So, I readied myself on the internet and the second they went on sale they sold out. I shrugged it off and hoped the actual sale would go better.
Minutes before the general public tickets went on sale weeks later, I pretended I got an emergency phone call in the middle of a meeting at work and excused myself. I went to my computer logged into Ticketmaster’s website and refreshed the page approximately 48 times. The exact moment they went on sale my fingers flew and I got fucked on the captcha. Instead of getting something like, “Dog Tree” I got “Colloquialism Rumination” or some other bull shit word that you’ve never seen before or just doesn’t look right. Nevertheless, when it was all said and done it took me about ten seconds and the shit sold out. How is it even possible that hundreds of other people were able to do it faster than 10 seconds? That is some fucked up shit.
Directly after, I went onto E-Bay and Stub Hub and all those kind of places to see if people were selling tickets. Now, the tickets (sans fees) were $25 all general admission. I was willing to pay $50 or $60 a piece for me and my lady. The cheapest I could find them was for $90 each and some going as high as $160. It makes me sick to think that some asshat buys up 7 tickets at a time just to turn a profit and could give a shit about the band, thereby fucking over real fans. Capitalistic bullshit.
To make matters worse, I recently bought 2 tickets to a see a slew of comedians performing together. It had been advertised as costing $25 in advance, $35 day of show. I figured I’d save $20 and order them online ahead of time. With all the bullshit fees it ended up costing $70 altogether. I could have paid the same amount at the door.
Fuck you Ticketmaster! Now I can put you on the list with Philadelphia and Captain Polish for things that have fucked me in the ass.
Thanks.
Turns out, I’m not the only one pissed off.
As I mentioned on Wednesday, I was lucky enough to see Them Crooked Vultures in concert at the Electric Factory in down town Philly on Columbus Day. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the band consists of Dave Grohl (of the Foo Fighters, formerly of Nirvana) on drums, John Paul Jones (formerly of Led Zeppelin) on bass and Josh Hommes (of Queens of the Stone Age) on guitar and lead vocals. They don’t have an album out yet or a single to promote, even their myspace page is devoid of music. In fact, the only thing they have officially released are 3 short instrumental clips on their youtube page. I went into this concert not even knowing what the vocals would sound like.
I won’t bore you with the cluster fuck of shittacity that we experienced while chooglin’ to the show or how we were the only ones pregraming in a random ass parking lot which included not one, but two bums (who both seemed well acquainted with proper concert etiquette). Or the fact that the ticket didn’t mention an opening act and we ended up wasting an hour in the venue while our miller high life’s stayed locked in our trunk.
The crowd for this show was an amalgam of every rock show i’ve ever been to. It was a small venue filled with more testosterone than Kimbo Slice’s beard. Anyway, I was ecstatic to see John Paul Jones (who is one half of one of the most solid rhythm sections of all time) play fucking bass. The 63 year old man that he is, looked and played bass like he wasn’t a day over 39. He seemed unbelievably happy to (1) be relevant again and (2) to be playing bad ass mother fucking music. He even played keytar for a song…for real.
Seeing Dave Grohl drum was also a personal highlight for me. He hasn’t drummed much since he started the Foo Fighters over a decade ago, so I knew this was as close to Nirvana as I was ever going to get. He drums like a man possessed, with an intensity matched only by Animal of the Muppets.
Observe! (I suggest playing these videos at the same time for optimum effect)
Animal
Get the Flash Player to see this content.
Mr. Grohl
Get the Flash Player to see this content.
The show started off with the song *Elephants and the hinges blew off the proverbial door. Angular rock and roll with laser precision tempo changes and deep muscular rhythms. At that moment the crowd would have committed murder if possible. The band was augmented by 2nd guitarist and Matt Pinfield lookalike Alain Johannes.
The true highlight for me came with the song *Scumbag Blues. Picture the Cream song, Sunshine of Your Love filtered through the White Stripes 21st century blues/sleaze. The whole show was a little over an hour. No frills, no cover songs, limited chatter and a heavy dose of heavy rock and roll, but not “angry” music as is often characterized by this type of music. Few bands i’ve seen in my day would be able to match their intensity, which was second only to Rage Against The Machine’s 1st reunion show, which I was literally scared for my life to be at.
*These videos are actually from the show at Philly
Up until this weekend, I had no issues with Philadelphia. Not only is it a fascinating hot bed of American history but it also share’s the title and location of one of TCM’s favorite TV shows.
On Columbus day I was lucky enough to attend a concert by the band, Them Crooked Vultures (more on that in a future post). Haven’t heard of them? That’s because they haven’t released an album yet and no singles. Trust me by 2010 you will know who they are.
Anyway, my companions and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express right in downtown Philly. It was a swanky ass hotel with the WORST parking garage you have ever seen. By this I mean it was limited parking to begin with and the parking attendant spends his whole day moving cars in and out with some Austin Powers maneuvering so someone can go away for an hour and than come back. It’s hard to explain, but it was a serious game of Tetris.
When we went to check out the next morning, they slipped the bill receipt under the door. The bill had 4 charges, accommodations (obviously) and parking were the first 2. The next 2 were something I’ve never seen before in my entire life:
A state occupancy tax and a city occupancy tax.
What. The. Fuck.
I have never seen such a thing in my entire life. Are you telling me it costs my ass extra money just to stay in your shit-tastic state, not to mention an additional fee to stay in a city within that state? That is fucking bold, Pennsylvania. You need to get off your high horse and sit the fuck down.
Happy summer concert season! When holding our daily meeting through our respective company emails, the Captain’s decided that concert-goers need a few guidelines here and there to follow. In the past week I’ve gone to four shows and was tapped for this assignment. It really wasn’t too much. The toughest part was trying to persuade Captain Flintheart that assless chaps should never be worn at any show.
Well, without further delay, here is the Captain’s Guide to Concert-Going:
