Plenty. Well, let’s see…douchebags, Ke$ha, yeast infections, getting a boner in public and so fourth. This list could go on. But luckily for you there definitely are worse things wrong with this world. This website definitely shows you what is wrong with the world in a very, let’s say, straight forward way.
When I first saw that headline, I couldn’t believe that it had nothing to do with either zombies or Captain Polish’s cocaine bender from a few months ago. Not to mention that it was actually from the New York Daily News and not the Onion. Goddamn, this beautiful woman was fucking hungry.
The exact transcript below has been lifted from the Daily News article and presented to TCM readers in all it’s glory.
Police released this mugshot of Natasha Hubbard, accused of attacking a stranger’s infant baby in downtown Los Angeles last week.
LOS ANGELES – A crazed woman randomly snatched an infant from a stroller, slammed the baby into a pole and later said she was trying to break the baby’s arm off “so she could eat it,” Los Angeles cops said Wednesday.
Prosecutors have charged Natasha Hubbard, 36, with aggravated assault and released her photo believing she may have other victims from her wild rampage in downtown Los Angeles last Thursday.
The terrifying incident with the 4-month-old boy took place in a crowded shopping district packed with families, police said.
Detectives said mom Adriana Miranda, 29, was pushing her infant son Alexander in his stroller when Hubbard unbelted the child and grabbed him by the leg.
Witnesses said Hubbard then swung the baby over her head and slammed him into a metal rail of a nearby truck as the mom and the baby’s aunt watched in horror, police said.
The mother and aunt fought off the woman, with the suspect clawing at Miranda as she clutched the baby boy in her arms, police said.
Arriving officers were able to locate Hubbard with the help of witnesses who pointed her out.
She’s now in jail with bail set at $55,000.
Hubbard told detectives that she tried to break off the baby’s arm so she could eat it, police said.
The tiny victim received bruises and scratches as a result of the attack.
The Beastie Boys have been putting out some of the most amazing and hilarious videos ever since they debuted in 1986. Their newest, “Don’t Play No Game I Can’t Win” is no exception. It features some guest vocals from Santigold and lots and lots of action figures.
Expect much, much more Beastie Boys from TCM in the future. Shit’s just getting started.
Closed captioning doesn’t lie.
Thanks to Brendo for sending this our way.
Dear Rebels of Libya and any other bat shit country that produces oil –
I like what you’re doing. You’re giving it back to the man that has oppressed you for so long and that’s damn amazing. I’m stoked you found a way to use Facebook to help your cause instead of just creeping on people you knew ten years ago too, kudos on that. I also think the groping of female reporters is not that big of an issue. Have they ever been to a punk show before? Gropage is a worldwide phenomenon that was not created by your glorious revolutions.
One thing I’m not too keen on is the fact you’re fucking up our oil situation here in the states. We need oil and we need the price to stay low. We’re addicting to oil like Tyrone Biggins is addicted to his crack rocks – yeah, it’s that bad. I’m personally not a fan of paying out my ass to fill up my POS car so I can get to work, the bar, and other commonly visited places on a weekly basis.
There were two major stories in the news this week pertaining to Hollywood. The first was the Oscars which I found to be incredibly useful as a sleep aid on Sunday night with the exception of that wonderful lunatic Kirk Douglas. It was so awkward and wonderful that I just couldn’t look away, even though I felt I should. I kept thinking to myself that we were all watching someone die on stage. And I mean that literally, not figuratively. I half expected that I would see him in the “For those we lost” montage they have at the end of the show each year. The second major story in the news this week is the other wonderful lunatic in Hollywood, Charlie Sheen. I can’t say enough about how much I love this guy. I just think that it’s fantastic that for once we can see a star being completely honest about his life. I mean he isn’t saying anything that we the public don’t already know to be true. He is rich, his life is awesome and better than ours will ever be, he loves drugs and porn stars, both of which he can afford and he is fucking awesome. Name one thing about that that isn’t true or isn’t what you would be doing/thinking if you had several million dollars in the bank. Many people are appalled, but I think fuck yes! We should look up to this guy. When most of us see a porno we just crank one out and then move on. Charlie says fuck that, I’m gonna call this whore and make her reenact this scene with me. Then I am going to do some blow and watch Jaws on my huge fucking yacht. Fuck yes!
I would like to start a new series here at TCM called, “Kickin’ It Old School.” What is it all about you ask? It is going to be a look into how things were done in a more badass way back in the day. (See what I did there? I rhymed.) Not like today where everyone is a pussy. No. Things were done properly back then.
For the first episode in our series, we will talk about probably one of the most badass things you could possibly do back in the day. Dueling.
In case you’re a retard and don’t know what dueling is, I will give you a quick explanation. Dueling is when 2 people, most of the time men, have a disagreement or one made the other look bad and must be settled in a proper form. A prearrangement is made at a certain time and location. Once the time has arrived, each man holds a pistol standing back to back. They then walk 10 paces in opposite directions, turning around the shooting the other. Who ever dies or cries like a baby, loses. Simple but epic.
I’ve always said that crack can give you super powers. Here is the video to prove it.
