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Memos Tagged Dads


Holiday, Stupid Stuff
Jun162010

So you don’t have a Dad for Father’s Day.

Buy a blow-up Dad!

blowupdad So you dont have a Dad for Fathers Day.

That’s right kiddies, for only $17.99, you can have your very own blow-up Dad for Father’s Day! Don’t be sad that your dad was killed in a knife fight with Bubbles the hobo down the street over a broken crack pipe or that he left you and your mom for “Uncle Robert”. You can have your very own Dad to celebrate Father’s Day with without the sadness, depression and jealous rage that comes this time every year! Just take him out of the bag and blow him up. He is great fun!

Unfortunately though for Mom, dad comes as flat as you are. Sorry Madrè, this one’s for the kids.

Just because your Dad walks, talks and tosses the pig skin around with you doesn’t mean my blow-up Dad doesn’t listen.


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Random
May142010

Random Thoughts Of The Day

Why is it when you use the term, “my old man” you are referring to your dad? But when you say “my old lady” it means your wife?

That doesn’t make any fucking sense.


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Crazy, Technology
Apr52010

Evidence Of My Dad’s Growing Insanity

My dad has let the media win for the last 10 years. He has been obsessed with identity theft. He refuses to buy things online with a credit/debit card (he buys prepaid gift cards) and I don’t think he has ever given out his social security number over the phone. Clearly he’s insane, but not funny insane like this guy’s dad.

Well, he might have topped himself this time. On 20/20 or one of those other dumb ass news casts they claim there is some chemical that you dip checks into that will erase all ink written on it without harming the check. So if you did it to someone else’s, at a certain angle you could wipe off everything but the person’s signature and write yourself a check for eleventy billion dollars. Apparently, there is one pen in the world resistant to that. One fucking Ivan Drago esque feet of modern science that can defy the chemical.

Pens Evidence Of My Dads Growing Insanity

When my dad heard this, he bought every single member of my family one of those pens…even both my Grandmothers and not just my brother but my sister in law too (apparently they can’t share).

Thank you media for brainwashing one more person.


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Stupid Stuff
Sep292009

Alright! Way to go Dad!

The 1960s, 70s and 80s were an extremely interesting time for fashion, especially for men. Some things flew back then that necessarily wouldn’t today. Let’s face it, we all have seen a photo or 2 of our dad’s rockin’ it in a pair of uncomfortably short shorts. You gotta believe that there is a method behind their fashion madness. Who knows…maybe it was for mobility or just because they enjoyed a nice cool breeze on their inner thighs. Only they hold the answer.

This website just so happens to showcase your dad in short shorts. That’s right, if you take a look hard enough, you can see your dad getting super busy as the local ho-down.

dad Alright! Way to go Dad!

So head on over to Dads in Short Shorts, they don’t bite…..hard.


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Random
Aug282009

Shit my dad says…

So apparently there is a kid who’s dad is is hitting 80 yrs old and pissed off at everything including his son, wife, dog, etc… So what does his son do? He posts the best quotes on twitter. Here are some of my personal favorites:

“When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot.”

“My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday…You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I’m a mad man if you don’t pick me the hell up.”

“Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.”

“Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in Tennessee, I think.”

“Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices… Jesus, Joni (my mom) it’s a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn’t even real dammit!”

Click here for pure comedic gold.


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