Last night, after a game of nutball, I stepped on a piece of broken glass. The glass became lodged in my heel and blood flowed everywhere. I tried to take the glass out myself, but realized that I couldn’t seeing how I have the flexibility of Magnus Samuelsson. I decided to drink a lot of beer and deal with this the next morning.

I woke up and limped to the car this morning to see the Doctor. I get there and the first thing they do is ask me to fill out paperwork. I asked them if they wanted to know what’s wrong with me and they told me that the paperwork would give them everything they need. All the paperwork was was my insurance information! Basically you can’t get any medical attention without providing it upfront. I could’ve walked in their with a gunshot wound and would’ve still receiving the same level of compassion. What a bunch of shit.

So I sit down, complete the paperwork, and eventually I’m called in. Three nurses later, the Doctor comes in and takes the glass out of my foot. It took him 3 minutes. 3 fucking minutes! I waited forever, had to fill out unnecessary forms, get accosted by three different nurses, all for a doctor to spend three minutes taking out the glass.

Now I know there are systems in place for a reason to deal with shit, but come on, you really can’t create one where I tell you who I am and what’s wrong with me BEFORE you take my insurance? Worst thing is – they made me pay upfront! What if shit didn’t turn out rosey for me and I wasn’t OK to walk out of there with the glass out of my foot? Do I get my money back? How does this refund shit work? Is my refund kicking the entire staff who helped me out in the ass? Maybe a Golden Shower would do.

This rant is really centered around the fact that I stepped on glass and had to deal with paperwork before I had anything done. It pails in comparison to the bigger problem with health care – having a system where everyone has access to it.

Now I hate talking politics as much as I hate people who talk in the third person, but isn’t the reason we elect these crooked fuckers (politicians) to represent us is to, wait, what, represent us?!? Why can’t they figure out a way to make the health care system more efficient? Why can’t they find a way to give everyone health care without levying more taxes on the middle class? Why? I’m tired of hearing bullshit excuses.

You know, maybe the Native Americans had shit right. Too bad we had to go and fuck up their way of life. I tell you I’d be a big fan of spending my days hunting, fishing, and banging my squaw for the good of the tribe. Wouldn’t you?

Whatever your position is on this debate/rant/post, you can agree to a few things:

1. Doctor’s offices suck in general
2. Native Americans had a cool way of life
3. Politicians suck

Thank you. That is all.