Memos Tagged ‘Drunk’


Issues
Sep12010

5 ways we think the world is going to end.

December 12, 2012 is a date that has people scratching your heads. According to ancient Mayan calendars, that is the end of the world as we know it. (Cut it out R.E.M.) Who the bloody hell knows what is going to happen when that date comes around. Will people all over the world go bonkers thinking, “Oh my God, the world is going to end!?” Maybe. Just maybe.

2012 5 ways we think the world is going to end.

The only true person who knows what happens on that day is John Cusack. As we have seen in the film, 2012, he gets into several near death experiences while the world is ending but somehow miraculously escapes them all and as we’ve seen in Hot Tub Time Machine, he can travel through time. So what better person to ask than John Cusack himself. After several attempts to call, one black eye from his security guard and a restraining order against TCM we are unable to truly find out what will happen. So, we will turn to the next best thing; figuring this shit out for ourselves.

We sat down one Sunday afternoon over some tea and biscuits and had a very intellectual conversation about how we think the world will end in 2012. It was surprising enough with what we came up with even though no one walked away with any broken bones as that’s usually what happens during one of our “discussions”. So sit back, grab a bag of beer and a can of chips and ponder how your semi-awesome life will end. Hell, who knows one of these could actually be the Earth’s fate.

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Random
Jul12010

College Was A Simpler Time

I know that everyone says their college was crazy and things got out of hand all the time. Well, my freshman year everyone in my hallway got arrested due to constant and utter destruction of the hallway that we shared with our RA. Towards the end of the year a policeman was hired to patrol our hallway at set intervals throughout the day. The year ended with just about everyone being banned from ever living on campus again.  In the tradition of “the note“, TCM now brings you another, originally left by my RA to the janitor.

janitor College Was A Simpler Time

Ah yes, a time to reflect back on. Another thing you should know is that our much hated RA was affectionately known as Moby due to his baldness, femininity, his recreational activities involving sex with a fat ugly (wo)man and singing in our campus’ acapella group. This also meant that his physical appearance strongly resembled one of Tennis’ biggest stars, Andre Aggasi. We couldn’t have been more delighted one Saturday morning when we woke up and found that one of our friends, while blacked out, had decided to draw a mural of our RA with marker on the wall next to his door.Thus ensuring it would be one of the first things he saw after he woke up.

seefer College Was A Simpler Time

God Bless America.


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Video
Jun282010

Drugs

This video made the rounds about a month or two ago. I loved it so much it deserves to be posted on TCM.  Check out my man after a drug addled day at the Coachella Music Festival. If only he followed The Captain’s Guide To Concert-Going…

Get the Flash Player to see this content.


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Holiday, Stupid Stuff
Jun162010

So you don’t have a Dad for Father’s Day.

Buy a blow-up Dad!

blowupdad So you dont have a Dad for Fathers Day.

That’s right kiddies, for only $17.99, you can have your very own blow-up Dad for Father’s Day! Don’t be sad that your dad was killed in a knife fight with Bubbles the hobo down the street over a broken crack pipe or that he left you and your mom for “Uncle Robert”. You can have your very own Dad to celebrate Father’s Day with without the sadness, depression and jealous rage that comes this time every year! Just take him out of the bag and blow him up. He is great fun!

Unfortunately though for Mom, dad comes as flat as you are. Sorry Madrè, this one’s for the kids.

Just because your Dad walks, talks and tosses the pig skin around with you doesn’t mean my blow-up Dad doesn’t listen.


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Crazy
Jun152010

What not to do at a NASCAR race.

So TCM had a little redneck gathering a few weekends ago at the Pocono’s Raceway for their NASCAR race. We were fortunate enough to get a spot in the infield. I must say, NASCAR is boring on TV but in real life it is a fucking trip. A lot of drinking, Indian leg wrestling, pooping and shouting very loudly occurred. Those damn hicks know how to fucking party. Anyways, day 2 rolls around and we notice that the kid camping next to us is getting a little rowdy. A little too rowdy for our liking…to the point where we think he punched this girl in the face—mind you she came out a hootin’ and a hollarin’ that he raped her the night before. Sure men beating up on women is funny in the movies, but in real life, that shit won’t fly. So this kid tries to fight everyone, but his brother stops us. Next thing we know, this happens:

So pretty much he got pissed off at life and decided to go live in the woods behind Pocono’s Raceway. We believe he is still there living off of strict rations of Maple leaves and rabbit poop. Good luck to ya, ya fuckin’ douchebag.


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the Vault
May172010

The Vault

memovault The Vault

It’s been a while since we rocked a vault post. Looks like we have to do something about this:

- We have a great history of starting series on the memo’s that never materialize. A great example is Forgotton Songs of the Moment and what better one to highlight than “Scatman” – a guy who wrote about scat (poop).

- Games are good too. Both Yar and I gave you directions for drunk ball as well as nutball. Both games may take years off of your life, but they are great to play nonetheless.

- Staying true to our roots, we provided the top ten pirate photos we have in the archives.

- Lastly, an in depth explanation from Faux News on why big butts are awesome – to a certain extent that is.

Well, that’s all we got from the Vault for this edition. If you have favorites we’ve missed, let us know and we’ll be sure to highlight them for you!


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Stupid Stuff
Apr292010

Late Night Mistakes

hilarious drunk man Late Night Mistakes

Ah, College. A time for alcohol poisoning, AIDS, ramen noodles, and recreational drugs. The website, Late Night Mistakes allows you to relive those days by looking at pictures of (drunk) people doing crazy shit.

drunk man in urinal 300x225 Late Night Mistakes

Late Night Mistakes

Thanks to Dr. Ted Lanceford for the heads up.


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Entertainment, Soccer, Sports
Apr212010

World Cup Survival Guide

worldcup World Cup Survival Guide

The World Cup is coming to South Africa in June and if you’re like me you care fuck all about soccer. However these things only happen once every four years and they’re a blast/worth participating in.  You don’t have to like soccer to rock out on it.  The Cup presents opportunities for the fun, excitement, and possibly Brazilian girls. Here’s how to make it work…

Location
The last thing you want to do is go to a regular American bar or tavern. You need something a little exotic to enjoy the World Cup. Its  hard to beat German Biergartens for the international atmosphere and awesome beer selection. This is going to be your best choice. There should be a number of strange accents and crazy European  people coming out of the woodwork. This also means hot foreign chicks. Another option is Mexican restaurants who will probably have the craziest fans and best food. Dos Equis and tequila will give you a new appreciation for the game. I would  avoid British pubs lest you be dragged into an actual soccer conversation though.

Behavior
Be respectful, but feel free to be the ignorant soccer fan you want to be. People get rowdy and patriotic all over the world for this tournament. Riots, brawls, and chaos are not uncommon. I say get loud and have fun during the  Cup. Dress up in red, white, blue colors and tell anyone you see that America is gonna win it all. You can be a little obnoxious but don’t drift into Eagle’s fans territory (no one wants to see those sad fucks). Relax, sample as many world beers as possible, and check out foreign girls. Trash talk is fun but watch-out for hooligans.

Dangers
Hooligans, high-alcohol German beer, nationalism,  annoying soccer chants

Pro’s
Exotic women, high alcohol German beer, seeing different cultures, shouting out “Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaal

Synopsis
Take the excuse for a party and go with it. Use it as a way to expand your knowledge of other nations and get drunk and happy with their peoples. Do it right and do it again in four years.

Originally by Captain Fuerza.


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