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Memos Tagged Ecto-Cooler


Mar22010

The Vault

memovault The Vault

We’re back with more posts from the Vault:

- Captain Yar had a good post exploring the possibility of mascots developing their own species. The concept is wild, but wouldn’t it be awesome if you were at the same bar as Mr. Met and Grimace?

- A Captain Kirk gem: the guide to using a public bathroom. Learn about how to select the right stall and why to avoid going with door number one.

- Captain Yar’s love for Ecto Cooler is unparalleled. I heard he used to sleep with six-packs under his pillow, but maybe that is all hearsay. Lord knows.



Jun12009

A Children’s Guide to Capitalism

Taken straight from the 4th grade text book, “American History”, written in 2017.

Chapter 7, Example 7.2 : Two boys, each age 8, decide to set up drink stands in order to make money. Each borrow a small amount of cash (capital) from their parents and move forward with their plans. One boy sets up an Ecto Cooler stand and the other sets up a lemonade stand, each on one corner of Spooner street. Demand for the Ecto Cooler is high as over 80% of the customers, all local neighbors, prefer it over the lemonade. So instead of changing over to a new drink, the second boy borrows additional money from his parents, employs his two sisters, offers a promotion by giving away a free cookie with each drink, and reduces the cost of the lemonade – all contributing to a reduced profit. This attracts a few customers for a short time but before long they make their way back to the Ecto Cooler, as it is just the superior product. So the boy selling lemonade offers early retirement to his two sisters, giving them each a life time of free cookies and lemonade. He then progresses to hire three of his friends and old man Sullivan, who he thought would attract some much needed attention. Once again the same story occurs, the Ecto Cooler is just a better tasting and satisfying drink. So after working long hours, putting in a lot money, and never changing the game plan to adapt to the demand of the neighborhood, the lemonade stand now runs the risk of complete failure. The boy now owes a large amount of money to his parents (creditors) and must continue to give his sisters (retirees) unlimited cookies and lemonade for as long as the stand is still operable.

lemonade A Childrens Guide to Capitalism

1868: The lemonade stand challenges the Ecto Cooler stand to a duel. The survivor sells a lower quality, cheap drink. The neighborhood purchases the drink because if they are thirsty, they have no other choice.

1869-2008: The lemonade stand goes out of business. The sisters receive what is left of the cookies and lemonade but do not receive anything after this runs out. The parents lose their investment. The stand with ecto-cooler wins 100% of the business and continues to do well into the future as the neighbors all flock to the better, and only stand, now existing on Spooner street. Two other 8 year old children see the opportunity and set up Hawaiian Punch and Soda stands on two other corners of Spooner Street, creating competition to Ecto Cooler.

2009: The lemonade stand is going to go out of business due to poor management, producing a product no one wants, a high cost of operating, and lower skill. The mother of the lemonade stand is also the town congressman. She institutes a new law that requires no vote that allows her to use all local taxes to pay off the lemonade stand debts. 60% of all lemonade revenues will go back to the town to repair roads, pay teachers & police, and collect garbage. The neighbors have no choice but to purchase the lemonade to keep their town operable. The Ecto Cooler stand loses 50% of its business because the mother of the lemonade stand made the decision her son’s stand would not fail, no matter how bad it was managed.

gm cartoon A Childrens Guide to Capitalism




Apr152009

Childhood Songs

Remember those childhood songs you’d listen to and thought were truly awesome? The Captain’s remember may of those songs and man, they were awesome, but many of them could be foreseen as inappropriate.  What do we mean? Let’s take a stroll down memory lane.

ghostbusters Childhood SongsIn 1984, the greatest movie ever created by man, Ghostbusters, hit the theaters with a catchy theme song changing many people’s lives forever.  Forget the part of the movie where Ray Stanz gets a blowjob from a ghost while sleeping at the firehouse one night (2:00 into this clip), let’s concentrate on the song.  Ray Parker Jr. delivered the hit and snuck in a line after the solo of “busting makes me feel good.”   Well Ray, thank you for throwing it out there for us. Busting makes me feel good too.  I remember being 4 years old and all hopped up on Ecto Cooler running around the house screaming “busting makes me feel good” at the top of my lungs with no idea what it meant.

Remember the Spice Girls? About 3/5 of them we’re extremely bangable. Their break out hit “Wannabe” was probably the first instance of my life where I was exposed to the concept of being a man whore – thank you ladies.  Witness this lyric, the main chorus of the song – “If you wanna be my lover, you got to get with my friends; make it last forever, friendship never ends.”  More or less there saying in order to hook up with one of them, you must bang all of their friends. That’s incredible anyway you put it.

Of course there are many other songs we can reference here like “Puff the Magic Dragon”, “the Humpty Dance”, and  ”Pour Some Sugar on Me,” but we’d rather have our loyal readers throw out some more examples from their childhood.  I’d do some more research on the topic, but I feel the need to blast some Ray Parker at the moment.



Feb272009

Memorable Childhood Experience…

This is more of a personal experience than a TCM one.  I figured I would share it with the world…cause you know everyone worldwide checks this site out.

I guess you can trace the experience back to the beginning with my love of pirates.  I’m sure all of you know about Santa Claus coming around your neighborhood on the local fire engine throwing out candy canes or hosing everyone down with eggnog.

It began like any other night.  I just downed a 12er of Ecto-Cooler and was trying to catch my dog and put it in the ghost trap when in the distance I heard the distinctive sound of fire engines.  I knew it was Santa coming around spreading his holiday cheer all over everybody.  Without hesitation I ran out the front door waiting impatiently for the fat man to come around.  A few minutes passed by but I could still hear the sirens coming closer and closer.  A few more minutes passed by and the Ecto-Cooler was beginning to wear off.  Then just as I was about to go back inside thinking it wasn’t our night, turning down the street was Santa and his fire engine.  I was quite excited seeing this, and pooped my pants.  I mean what kid doesn’t want to meet Santa, even if you are Jewish, Muslim or Retarded.

As I looked down the block watching the truck coming down, I noticed it was going quite fast to be handing out goodies, something didn’t look right.  The truck kept getting closer at a high rate of speed.  As it neared I noticed that Santa had been tied up and gagged and the truck was hijacked by a band of pirates!  It was an amazing spectacle.  They sped by waving their swords shouting and babbling chicken.  I first knew they were pirates because they replaced the American flag that was on the truck with a good ol’ jolly roger (see header image on this site).  You could immediately point out the pirate captain because he was standing on Santa like Captain Morgan with sword raised in victory.  I suppose he had a little Captain in him (awkward laugh to self).

Before I could even say or think anything, they were gone.  In amazement, I immediately went into the house, walked over to my parents liquor cabinet, pulled out the rum, broke the top off with my teeth and began to drink.  I was a 10 year old badass.  That my friends, is why I am an abusive alcoholic.

That was word for word, my first talk at my first AA meeting.



Feb182009

Random Pastime Moment of the Day!

What the fuck happened to Ecto Cooler!?

You know that green colored, orange flavored drink of amazingness?  Yea, what happened?  Well apparently the whores over at Hi-C decided to take Slimer off of the package an replace it with a pair of green juice lips.  SOURCE.

ectovenkman Random Pastime Moment of the Day!

I remember going to the supermarket with my mom and covertly slipping the cooler into the shopping cart only for her to discover it at the checkout line.  Too late to put it back, so she has to buy it.  Big mistake on her part.  I would go home and dress up in my Ghostbuster get-up and drink the whole friggen 12 pack in one sitting.  After that much cooler gets ingested by a 10 year old, shit is about the go off.  Ghosts would then be real, and I’d be chasing them all over the house.

Imagine being the parent sitting there watching your kid go absolutely ape shit over trying to catch your dog thinking it was a ghost.  Believe me kid, that dog ain’t gonna fit into the trap.  Its been attempted before.

You always wondered as a youngan, how was the drink green and it tasted orange?  Well simple answer really.  Food dye, dumbass.  But you can’t really blame the youth for wondering.  Hell, it could have been Slimer jizz for all we cared about, and we still would have drank that shit.

What does today’s youth have to drink?  Granted Hawaiian Punch and Kool-Aid are still in business, but they do not have anything nearly as cool or as exciting as Ecto-Cooler.  I say all of us who remember and loved this drink of greatness, get on our horses, and write to Mr. Hi-C and demand they bring back Slimer.

You will also notice that Ecto-Cooler is never mentioned as a juice.  It was DRINK.  I could quote Mr. Chappelle here, but some of you might be offended, so I’ll leave it up to you to “Insert Quote Here”.


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