A few days ago after a hearty meal that would make any man, woman, or child take a massive dump, I strolled for the bathroom to do what I do best – poop and of course, read. I can’t remember when this phenomenon began, but recently it was called into question when I was asked: “how come all men read in the bathroom?”

I thought about this over and over again and didn’t have a good answer. It was like asking someone for the meaning of life with little time to prepare.

What I came up with is that every man does it for different reasons, but most likely it’s to kick back, relax, and have sole possession of a spot where you can think logically on any subject matter for 5 to 20 minutes. To reinforce this and to learn more, I asked a couple of buds about their bathroom reading habits.

I’ll warn you, all this information is true and utterly amazing:

For starters, I’ve been reading Playboy, Sports Illustrated, and Men’s Health in the bathroom for years. When the new edition comes in, I’m glued to the seat. I don’t know know why, but maybe it stems from my old man who’d disappear for thirty minutes when his Time, Newsweek or Sports Illustrated would show up after he got home from work. Maybe it’s in my blood.

Ela a good buddy of mine and old roommate claimed to me that he used to read his textbooks in the bathroom. He cited it as the only place that was calm enough to read about engineering and for it make any sense.

Captain K is a self proclaimed “poo-lighting” pooper where his bathroom visits last less than 2 minutes. However, upon visiting him on a road trip, I’ve realized a new bookshelf filled with Playboy, Maxim, and his car magazines.

I have one buddy that only reads literature in the bathroom. He’ll buy a book and will read a chapter each visit. He’s been able to read literary classics like To Kill a Mockingbird and Catch-22 while in a most vulnerable state.

The best example of men’s obsession to read in the bathroom comes from Captain Kirk. I remember back in the day when Kirk was up visiting his now ex-girlfriend in college, he needed to find something to read in the bathroom. Clearly, this shouldn’t have been a big task, but apparently none of the women in the house had anything to read. What Kirk did was amazing. He took all the shampoo and cleaning products and proceeded to read the backs of all of them while doing his business. After he was done, he was able to cite all the active ingredients in Pantene Pro-V and it was amazing.

So if you’re a guy and you’re a bathroom reader, don’t feel alone out there. This is pretty common. I guess it stems from our inability to do nothing and to always have to be on the go and doing something. Plus, can you imagine just looking at yourself in the mirror while trying to take a dump? That’d be too awkward.

On a closing note, I actually pulled a Captain Kirk and read about my deodorant while on vacation a few weeks back because I had no reading material. Apparently Old Spice is so strong it only needs to be applied once every two days.