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Memos Tagged facebook


Drinking, Random
Dec212010

Social Media Sobriety Test

AKA, don’t be a douche and go posting on Facebook when you are shit faced computer program. That’s right people, now you can stop your Dad heading to Facebook after a few High Life’s and posting how your farts sound like elephant queef’s. It’s true. The people over at some anti-virus program company decided they would create this program to stop the dumbness that leaks out of your fingers when at your computer, drunk at 2:15 in the morning.

Here’s a short video of how this thing works:

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

We all know you have at least 2 friends that do this on the reg. Why don’t you all be a good Santa and buy them this. The last thing you need to know is how many penis’ are drawn on your other friends face via Twitter.

An upside to this program besides blocking your friends from posting via the bottom of that JD bottle, is that you’re not jealous of them when you find out they were drinking with Kat Williams and drawing penis’ on your other friends face until 4am. Think about it. Your excuse the night before as to why you didn’t go out was that you had to stay back and watch The Beautician and the Beast with your girlfriend. Eyes. Check. Ears. Check. Balls. Balls? Nope, no balls.

An upside to this program blocking you from posting drunk on the internet, is that it can’t stop you from drunk dialing your ex-girlfriend from college. “Hey Jenny, it’s Captain Polish. Remember me? No, I’m the one stumbled into your dorm room drunk and naked that one night and threw up all over your roommate’s computer. Well at the time I thought it was your roommate’s computer, but was really you. Yea… Sorry about that.”


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Stupid Stuff, Video
Oct132010

Greatest Dance Move Ever

This summer at a wedding I saw two buddies pull off the following dance sequence:

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

It’s from a little known movie called Hot Rod (coincidentally, this is also the same night Captain Yar headbutted some goon and broke his nose. No lie). For the past two weeks or so, this dance has occupied my life. I’ve been caught doing it in bars, at work, at the gym, and even when watching a game. I really have no explanation why, but I think this is the fucking balls. Probably a solid case of OCD.

It’s also been a few weeks since I threw something up that can rival what Yar’s been producing. I’ve been having major brain farts and haven’t been able to develop anything good. That and I bought a smart phone and actually have become obsessed with mobile Facebook. If you’re a long time reader, you’ll know that I despise Facebook, but as Captain K said the other day – we all need to embrace it because it ain’t going anywhere. Another example of my growing OCD.

I’m going to explore my new love of Facebook in an upcoming post. If you don’t believe me, that’s perfectly fine. I’ve made so many damn promises on here that I’ve broken it’s alarming. I’ll actually post that a la Family Guy style as well. Probably another example of OCD for those magpies out there that like to psychoanalyze people when they probably shouldn’t.

Well turds, I’m out.


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Issues
May112010

More Reasons to be Anti-Facebook

ba facebook More Reasons to be Anti Facebook

I think we’ve illustrated how much we love Facebook on this site. There’s a movement afoot on it’s popularity and all signs point to us starting it, here, here, and here.

But seriously, if you haven’t read the archives or are new to the site, we hate Facebook. It’s just a shitty web site that took a really good concept and turned it into shit. Here’s more of a reason to hate it now. Apparently there is so much more going on behind the scenes that you care to know about.

Send Facebook a big “Fuck You.”


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Issues
Mar262010

New and Ruined

mothra godzilla 500px New and Ruined

This is going to sound horrible coming from a Captain of this glorious web site, but blogging is sort of ruined for me. It’s ruined because it was once really cool and now everyone is doing it and its lost its luster. Who else is doing it? I’ll elaborate; pretty much everyone.

- My hometown newspaper communicates to its readership through blogs more than stories. Back in the day, actual stories would grace its home page. Now it’s blogs centered on facebook updates, a bobblehead contest (gay), and what its like having kids.
- Mommy blogs are big now. Stay at home mom’s will blog just about anything. They actually found a way to sell out and promote products they’ve never used to its readers.
- Athletes are now blogging on ESPN. I really don’t want to hear what an athlete has to say about his performance on the field. I just want to see them play their sport and that’s basically it.
- Politicians are blogging all over the place. Do yourself a favor, find a few of these blogs and read the comments. You’ll realize our country is pretty fucked up. Not going to lie.

That’s just a small sample of people blogging. To me what was once really cool, now isn’t. I have this thing where when I get into something and it surpasses my perceived level of its coolness ultimately becoming a fad/trend, I lose immediate interest. Hard to explain, but here’s a few examples:
- Dave Matthews (was a fan circa 1993, stopped listening to them by 1998)
- Facebook (had an account in 2005, stopped using it in 2006)
- It’s Always Sunny (watched since 2006, ????)

I guess it’s the way I’m wired, but I can’t get down with trendy things. I hope I’m totally off on blogging, the world goes back to its senses and realizes blogs have a limited purpose, but that probably won’t happen. Regardless, I’m going to keep on chooglin here.

Does anyone else feel the same way??


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Entertainment
Mar222010

Two Noble Causes

Ordinarily when the Captains devote an article to Facebook it usually entails a rant about how much we despise it. This time however, we’ve found something worthy of praise. Recently, two groups have been brought to our attention that are both epic in scope and important corner stones of the modern civilization we inhabit.

pickle nickelback music news feature lead Two Noble Causes

The first group is titled, Can This Pickle Get More Fans Than Nickelback. If you like the music of Nickelback please exit this website immediately and never ever come back. Seriously, please go fuck yourself. They are the worst thing to come out of Canada since Alex Trabeck. Join this group and prove that an inanimate object is both more talented and has more appeal to normal humans than Nickelback ever will.

The second group is, My Sister Said If I Get One Million Fans She Will Name Her Baby Megatron. That’s right, Megatron from fucking Transformers. Why wouldn’t you want to help make this a reality? This is nothing short of glorious.

Megatronguido Two Noble Causes

TCM doesn’t ask our readership for much. But if you have a soul you will help contribute to these noble causes.


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Holiday, Music
Dec252009

A Christmas Miracle

Something wonderful has happened in England. Apparently, their is some kind of unofficial contest there to have the number 1 music single the week leading up to Christmas. The last 4 years, winners of the show X-Factor (a British American Idol) have each held the strangle hold on the Christmas market. This year Joe McElderry was on target to make it a 5th year in a row. An internet campaign was launched for Rage Against The Machine’s debut (and epically profanity laced) single, “Killing In The Name Of” to out sell McElderry. Since this year was the first to factor in digital sales, the 1992 track in theory was eligible. Facebook groups pushed for sales of the song until it reached the coveted number 1 spot.

Rage+Against+the+Machine A Christmas Miracle

Their is nothing quite like Zach de la Rocha railing against the forces of injustice and the oppressed in a violent manner to ring in the Christmas cheer.

TCM would personally like to thank England as a whole and also (begrudgingly) Facebook for making this happen. It all kind of reminds me of when my friend convinced his High School to get “Free Bird” as the Prom song and it actually received enough votes to win, although (unlike this situation) it was tragically overturned by the prom committee.

You can read more about this Christmas Miracle here.


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Characters
Dec12009

Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

We here at TCM have been very candid in the past about our disdain for Facebook. I have an account, but don’t normally use it. I like having an account so I can get messages from friends I no longer see because of distance and receive photos (not ones of me being a drunken idiot though).

I’ve been totally enamored with Facebook now that my job is now creating a profile and have decided that there are really four types of users:


- There are people like me that like to use Facebook as a means to communicate with distant friends;
- There are people that use Facebook to plan their social activities and keep up on the gossip;
- There are people that use Facebook for entertainment by looking up old friends, flames, etc. and using all the apps;
- Then there are people that combine all of these uses and then some making themselves what I’ve coined an Out of Control Facebooker.

facebook gifts Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

The Out of Control Facebooker is a crazy bird. No one knows where they originate from, but there has to be a great deal of neglect in their lives. Signs to detect an Out of Control Facebooker include, but is not limited to:


- Commenting on your photos when you haven’t seen them in years;
- Liking/Disliking photos or status when you haven’t seen them in years;
- Friending your friends;
- Friending people they don’t know so they can look at their pictures which includes their friends;
- Friending people they just met;
- Updating their status more than 3 times daily;
- Consistently sending apps to people that do not use them; and
- Sending blast Facebook generated emails to people inviting them to events that they have no intention of going to.

The reason this blog/rant is happening today is because I’m at my braking point. I friended someone a year ago and something happened to this person that they now insist on sending me invites to their birthday party, business meeting, etc. I haven’t talked to this person for close to 10 years. I was never true friends with the person so I was surprised when they wanted to be friends in the first place.

Looking back I should’ve blocked the invite, but I didn’t. I can defriend the person, but that’s too much effort. I’m not up on that term, but apparently Webster picked it as the word of the year for 2009. Man we’re fucked.

I’m not looking for pity in this post. I’m just looking to highlight the fact that there are people out there that are just out of control in their Facebook usage.

If you use Facebook, are reading this blog, and you think I described you, well I halfheartedly apologize. You got to realize that you are annoying the shit out of people that just don’t give a shit about what you are doing.

If you were directed to the site from Facebook, like 23% of our readers are, well at least you know we’re disgruntled about Out of Control Facebookers and are only milking Facebook’s teets so we can increase our readership. Speaking of which, I found this image when looking for an appropriate image for this post:

facebook bans breastfeeding pm Social Characters: the Out of Control Facebooker

You probably saw this already from an Out of Control Facebooker. This rant is over. Where’s my Xanax.


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News, Technology
Sep212009

Dropbox

Facebook is great for a lot of things: networking, wasting time, stalking, etc., but there’s got to be better ways to share media – especially pictures. A few reasons I’m interested in bypassing Facebook for sharing photos are fairly straightforward:

1. I don’t want every asshat that has befriended me or stalking me to see my photos.
2. I also don’t want Facebook to own them. Side note: they own all of your content.
3. When I receive photos, I want the best resolution and quality as possible.

So after an atypical bachelor party I put on for a buddy this summer (atypical because there were no strippers at his request), I was approached by some of the attendees to share photos. The easiest way is using Facebook, but there had to be a better way. One of the guys told me about this site called Dropbox and it has since changed my life.

I’m now able to upload pics to it and can send them to friends, family, etc. without having others look at them. Not that they are intimate pics mind you, it’s just that not everyone needs to see me as a drunken idiot all the time.

In exploring the functionality of the site, you can actually upload music and movies as well. I haven’t gone this far, but it seems promising. Best thing is that you can select who can see specific folders. A good thing when sorting your pics you took on vacation with your special lady and pics you took in NYC with some college buddies.

No, I don’t work for Dropbox. I just started using it and thought others should check it out. I do use Facebook for networking, but I’m alarmed at how rapid the functionality of the site has progressed, how many people are using it (over 300 million), and how much personal information people are displaying. This site at least gives me the power to control who can look at pics and that’s good. I know, not a humorous rant, but as Bill Murray once said, “trust me. I may save your life one day.”

PS – A big shout out to Mr. Bill Murray on his 59th Birthday Today. Here’s a look back at Bill’s best work.


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