ADVERTISEMENT

Memos Tagged Food


Jul282011

Woman Rips Baby From Stroller, To Eat Its Arm

When I first saw that headline, I couldn’t believe that it had nothing to do with either zombies or Captain Polish’s cocaine bender from a few months ago. Not to mention that it was actually from the New York Daily News and not the Onion.  Goddamn, this beautiful woman was fucking hungry.

The exact transcript below has been lifted from the Daily News article and presented to TCM readers in all it’s glory.

alg woman attack baby Woman Rips Baby From Stroller, To Eat Its Arm

Police released this mugshot of Natasha Hubbard, accused of attacking a stranger’s infant baby in downtown Los Angeles last week.

LOS ANGELES – A crazed woman randomly snatched an infant from a stroller, slammed the baby into a pole and later said she was trying to break the baby’s arm off “so she could eat it,” Los Angeles cops said Wednesday.

Prosecutors have charged Natasha Hubbard, 36, with aggravated assault and released her photo believing she may have other victims from her wild rampage in downtown Los Angeles last Thursday.

The terrifying incident with the 4-month-old boy took place in a crowded shopping district packed with families, police said.

Detectives said mom Adriana Miranda, 29, was pushing her infant son Alexander in his stroller when Hubbard unbelted the child and grabbed him by the leg.

Witnesses said Hubbard then swung the baby over her head and slammed him into a metal rail of a nearby truck as the mom and the baby’s aunt watched in horror, police said.

The mother and aunt fought off the woman, with the suspect clawing at Miranda as she clutched the baby boy in her arms, police said.

Arriving officers were able to locate Hubbard with the help of witnesses who pointed her out.

She’s now in jail with bail set at $55,000.

Hubbard told detectives that she tried to break off the baby’s arm so she could eat it, police said.

The tiny victim received bruises and scratches as a result of the attack.



Mar282010

Cheeseburger Fight Turns Ugly

Get the Flash Player to see this content.

I consider myself fan of mixed martial arts and the UFC, but after watching this i might have to reconsider. This fight happened at a Whataburger somewhere in the deep South. Basically a drunken hillbilly in a Tapout shirt can’t get a cheeseburger and takes it out on the restaurant staff and patrons. After trying to attack a man sitting down (1:52), he’s exposed in a few different ways. The moral here may be not to pick on people if you can’t fight your way out of a paper bag. It might also include remembering to wear some fucking underwear. As the one commenter says at the end of the video, “Only in America!”

Originally by Captain Fuerza.


Tags: , ,

Jan42010

Top 10 Condiments

Let’s face it – we all love our condiments. They make bland food taste better and horrible food edible. I know for certain that everyone has some sort of interaction with condiments. You might have some sort of ketchup fetish whereas your special lady or lover really loves mayonnaise piled all over everything she eats. I’ve seen it happen and it’s gross, but understandable. On a related note: Captain Yar told me some fetish he has with wasabi and soy that’ll blow your mind.

One thing is for certain with condiments, no two people can agree upon the best ones. Thank god for the Captains. Here’s the top ten condiments we believe you should be utilizing in your daily lives:

#10 – Gold’s Horseradish Sauce

3643149302 8487809560 Top 10 Condiments

Horseradish sauce? Yes. This shit is amazing. It has the power to spice up roast beef, pork loin, and Captain Polish’s favorite ethnic food – kielbasa. It also clears your sinuses out which is a plus if you have frequent attacks. The only downside to Horseradish Sauce is that it’s potency doesn’t last long after opened, especially Gold’s. That’s why you need to dominate this as fast as you can. Gentlemen, trying to impress a lady’s father? Bring over a bottle of this next time you go over for dinner and challenge the old man to eat some with you. He’ll never look at you the same way again.

Read More »



Dec32009

Mr. T’s Flavorwave

This is a real infomercial. I stayed up late the other night so I could finish watching the whole thing. Mr. T has some genius one liners, also note this is the fakest studio audience you will likely ever see. It is clearly edited from another tv program.

Bottom line: if Mr. T is on tv, people will happily watch it (the captains  included).

Get the Flash Player to see this content.



Jul172009

Star Wars Cooking Products

They exist.

toaster 1440713c Star Wars Cooking Products

Who wouldn’t want their toast to come out as Darth Vader’s helmet? Every time you spread butter over it you can pretend you are suffocating Hayden Christensen.

Do you prefer your toast on the slightly dark or light side?

deathstar grill Star Wars Cooking Products

A death star grill? It can cook your steaks and destroy fucking planets! Could you really ask for more? Unless, your metallic bikini slave girl was grilling for you while you got trashed.

No wonder the rebel alliance needed those blue prints

I don’t understand how these are even being made. George Lucas must not have been able to hear about these products over the clang of coins in his money bin. He would have sued them faster than our very own Captain Kirk after he got his dick caught in the vending machine in New Brunswick.



Jul62009

Top 10 College Foods

Since all of you recent high school grads are enjoying your summer, I figured TCM should be some sort of assistance to you before you head off to your college of choice. No, we aren’t going to tell you how to get laid (although I hear roofies does the trick) nor how to succeed in your classes (cheat!!). We are here to tell you what to eat besides dining hall food and Dominoes. Commence the Top 10 College Foods!!!

#10 – Any Sort of Roni

roni Top 10 College Foods

Pasta Roni, Rice-a-Roni, Poop-a-Roni, it’s all there and it’s what you should be eating. This is the food that makes you feel like you accomplished something. The Rice-a-Roni takes some effort but when you are complete, you will walk out to your roof and let the world know it’s the San Francisco Treat. Then you will probably be shot.

Read More »


Tags: ,

Jun22009

I Like Food.

Some readers from the good ol’ state of Arkansas sent us over this music video they produced. If you like food, I suggest you watch it.

Get the Flash Player to see this content.


Tags: , ,

May202009

Beer, Beer, Beer, I Love Beer.

GreatBrewers.com is a website that…

is powered by America’s leading network of beer passionate wholesalers that collectively represent the interests of the world’s best brewers by promoting education and awareness through shared resources.

That sounds like fun! There are several awesome things about this site. First…well, its all about beer. Second, if you are looking for a specific beer to see if it is sold around you, you can find that out by entering your zipcode! Wow! And third, not sure if that Hefeweizen or Pale Ale goes with that sloppy taco your about to swallow whole? Well, they have the answer. This website offers a Beer Sommelier. What in the wild wild world of sports is that you ask? That is a tool that allows you to perfectly match what food you are eating with what beer you should drink. I’ll give you a sample. If you are a man, Zima is paired perfectly with a rope around your neck…because you suck at life and should not be drinking that shit. In all seriousness though, don’t drink that shit.

To get the full experience of this website, you should sign up as a member. You can browse hundreds of breweries and thousands of beers. For most of the beers, they give a description of it so you can see if that is right for you. So, what are you waiting for you closet alcoholic? Head on over, sign-up and start loving life.

Beer is Jesus’ urine.


Tags: , ,
Pages: 1 2 Next
Creative Commons License