Grab a beer or grab your pack of cigarettes because their is a lot to take in here. TCM usually sticks to reviewing facial hair in all it’s glorious permutations and while that is a small factor in this we couldn’t help but show you the whole damn thing. We present to you a chart of rock and roll hair styles since it’s birth in the 1950′s till now.
Please note that Captain Polish’s looks strikingly similar to a mix of Prince and Bjork.
Big thanks to N. Schwartz for sending this to the Captains.
I don’t know how many of you get or have seen the latest issue of Rolling Stone with TCM’s favorite pop singer, Lady GaGa, gracing the cover. She is doing so in quite the fashion toting an ugly wig, an M16 bra and a real nice ass.
That is going to be my main focus of this post, Lady GaGa’s butt. If you already don’t know, us Captains favor butt’s 3 to 1 so it was only natural for us to focus on GaGa’s really nice looking behind. To assist you in our breakdown of her ass, here is a closeup:
Let’s begin.
Pros
Lady GaGa isn’t the best looking woman in the music business by far. So I suppose her ass makes up for that. I am surprised however at the roundness her ass has in this photo. To fully get the roundness, you must focus on her far (right) butt cheek. Please notice how it is making almost a perfect half circle. That is the preferred shape of the butt cheek when in this position. You will also notice the crease formed under the same said cheek, this is formed due to that roundness. This is then creating the optimal environment for a full palmed squeeze of the butt. One can only assume when standing up straight, both cheeks would look like the right one. If so, back that ass up GaGa and get ready to be stamped.
Cons
This is a magazine cover, you must remember her ass is probably airbrushed to hell. Which is a good thing because who the fuck wants to see ass dimples on the cover of a magazine? Let’s take a look at a photo that hasn’t been airbrushed.
It is still not a bad looking rear end. Not as good looking at the Rolling Stone cover, but it is still mega squeezable. It is also tough to tell because she is wearing a different kind of bottom which ultimately can shape their ass. But since this is in it’s closest natural form, it still is gets the TCM Seal of Approval. My guess in the above photo, she is stretching before going on a morning run. So really, there were no cons…except that it is Lady GaGa’s ass. Take it for what it’s worth folks.
Final Say
I give Lady GaGa’s ass a Grade of an A-. When it’s all said and done, Lady GaGa has a nice ass. This sort of makes up for her having a dick. Well no…not really.
Have you noticed that America is becoming dumber? When you check your e-mail on a website like Yahoo or AOL that has news headlines, the most prominent one is always something so incredibly idiotic about Jessica Simpson that makes your brain hurt (much like hers when she attempts to think). Meanwhile, the real headline news is buried really small in the corner.
Well, loyal TCM reader Shaffer and I have been kicking around this idea for months. He spent a long time collection screen shots of Yahoo’s homepage and we’d like to present it to you in a new segment we call, Headline News. In all cases please note the retarded banner headline and the top real news headline on the bottom half of the screen.
Way to go America! Thanks for treating us all like we are 14 year old girls and brain dead hicks.
Well, if you all remember our post about Lady GaGa having a choad, some new information has come to light. It appears that this pop star singer has an incredible fetish for Fisher Price’s Little People. You remember those don’t you?
Yea you do. Apparently the original photo was doctored to cover up her favorite hiding place for her favorite Little People’s. The new photo has been released exclusively to TCM to help clear up any misunderstandings.
In an unofficial statement from Miss GaGa herself, she explains this photo:
The current photo of me circling around the internet with me squatting down looking like a have a dick bulge, well that was a cover up…a poor one at that. I did not want to admit it to the public, but since it will eventually leak out I want The Captains Memos to be the first to post this. I have an extreme fetish for Little People. You know, the children’s toys that are nice, round, hard and so sexy…sorry got off topic. Well it just so happens that I have an unofficial sponsorship with Fisher Price, and they send me as many of these Little People that I want just as long as I don’t let the media know that they are doing this. Well, it looks like now that I will be ending that sponsorship because of this recent photo release. That is ok, I have several thousand of these floating around my house, tour bus, private jet and vag. I believe I will be able to continue my professional career without the assistance from Fisher Price and their Little People line. I want to apologize to all my fans and those who I let down. I have to tell you though, I had no pockets that night and I figured my cooch was the safest, warmest and most adequate spot for my little person.
- L8d Gaga <3>
Well, I suppose she wanted to take a ride on her disco….little person? This has just gotten fucking weird.
Choad (CH-owed) n. Synonym for ‘penis’. A chaod, is a penis that is disproportionately wide in comparison to its length, and looks something like a can of tuna. The name originates from Spain. also known to the French as ‘Le Penis avec largeur horrifiant’ or Penis of horrifying width.
Some new info has come to light. Well…maybe not so new, but I’ve heard that the singer Lady GaGa from “Just Dance” fame was born a woman with both a penis and vagina. Take a peek below and you be the judge.
I don’t know about you, but looks like a mini-dick to me…or an extremely worn cooter. Either way the world is an interesting place. Who’s decision is it to birth a child that comes equipped with both parts? Like the baby isn’t already confused coming into the new world now they have to worry which device to take a piss out of. Come on Oprah, what the fuck have you done. Focus!
Well anyways, GaGa has her own take on this quite interesting situation:
Its not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life. the reason I haven’t talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. Like come on. It’s not like we all go around talking about our vags’. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.
- L8d Gaga <3>
Brilliant response miss. Captain Kirk still has yet to come clean with his secret. O yes, we are waiting…
