Aren’t you surprised we haven’t wrote about quite possibly the greatest show of
2009 the decade yet? Me too.
Yes folks, MTV has come at us again with another piece of quality programming. In case you forgot, this is the network that introduced us to the fun-loving Spencer “McDouche” Pratt and Heidi “Cuntbag” Montag. So you knew it was only a matter of time before someone new was to take the spotlight. Well folks, MTV has done themselves in with this one. The Jersey Shore. Not only did they make the new greatest show on TV, every single one of the characters on that show is in their own right, a superstar. Well, in case your living inside an elephants asshole, here is a clip of this masterpiece.
After a 6 hour meeting with the fellow captains, the main topic being The Jersey Shore, we have come to the conclusion that all those people on the show aren’t who they really are. Sure they do a damn good job of being douchebags and douchebitches but we believe that they are all putting on a fake persona just to “fit in” with everyone at Douchebag Beach. Now, don’t be upset…we wouldn’t want you to think we don’t like this show because believe me we do. We have gotten just as many laughs out of this show as Flintheart’s girlfriend did the first time she saw him naked. A lot. What we are going to do for you today is briefly tell you what each one of the stars of Jersey Shore does in real life.
Without further adieu, The Captain’s Memos presents, Jersey Shore: The True Hollywood Story.
This girl hails from the mighty Staten Island. Staten Island throughout the years has given us many stars such as, the Wu-Tang Clan, Alyssa Milano and TCM’s personal favorite, Lady GaGa
. Now we can proudly add, “That Angelina girl from that Jersey Shore show” to that list. Angelina is a part time Cesspool Truck Driver. Coming from Staten Island, what else would you be? That place smells like a beached Loch Ness Monster with a severe case of crotch rot. Someone needs to solve this stink crisis immediately. O wait, I just did. Close your legs Angelina. Your welcome Staten Island.
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