First let me start out that she looks like a retarded super slutastic version of Taylor Swift. With that said, I must ask this: Why does it always look like she literally just got finished filming a video for “Gag On My Cock”.
We would like to break down as to why Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore. We will be using the mysterious powers of scientific arguments to do so.
Theory One Scientific Idea
The main idea in this theory is that Ke$ha looks like a stupid whore.
Expectations
That Ke$ha truly is a stupid whore.
Observations
Upon viewing the subject in her natural habitat, we noticed that she was having a talk with some guy. After a few minutes, she kicked him to the curb because he didn’t look like Mick Jagger. We realized that she may not be a stupid whore after all. But, after a serious thinking session, we finally came to this conclusion.
Conclusion
We weren’t at first 100% sure that Ke$ha knows what Mick Jagger looks like. Many of us know Mick as a walking, talking skeleton. Since her and Mick Jagger are in the music business together, she must know and/or have crossed his path at least once. If she still wants to get boned by that bag o’ bones, then that for sure makes her a stupid whore. So therefore if you are a stupid whore then you most certainly must look like a stupid whore.
Reality TV sucks for the most part. There are some exceptions: The Jersey Shore, Bio Dome and Deadliest Catch. A new reality show, not by FOX but by Comedy Central, will be coming soon to our television sets. This one has the ingredients to be fantastic. Remember Steel Panther? Yea, it’s about those guys.
Not entirely sure what it is about but you can bet your ass I’ll be watching it. One can only assume it will involve sex, drugs, rock and roll, kookie hyjinx, and you can damn well be sure that a lot of boobs will be present.
There is a band out there that goes by the name of Steel Panther. If you haven’t heard of them be sure to look them up. They are a metal band that dress like a mixture of Motley Crue, Def Leppard and the Scorpions. Not gonna lie, they rock pretty hard. Their lyrics, aside from their appearance, are what make them absolutely awesome. You can find a slew of their music videos on youtube which range from awesome to outright awesome. Be sure to check out Turn Out The Lights. Here is one of their newer songs, “Death To All But Metal.” With a cameo by the funny and pretty hot Sarah Silverman.
…with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It makes you wonder how it possibly could have taken till 2006 for someone to come up with this concept for a music video. Even though the song “Dani California” was played mercilessly when it was first released, the music video did not receive the same kind of exposure due to MTV nearing music extinction to make way for MADE, The Jersey Shore and other reality shows.
Awhile back I wrote an article about bands who continue to make records after the lead singer dies, trying to live off that person’s talent. We can now add a new band to that list: Sublime.
If you’ve never heard of Sublime chances are you don’t smoke weed, didn’t go to college or weren’t a teenager at some point in the 1990′s. Sublime was an intoxicating mix of stoned out/chill reggae, punk and California sunshine. Lead singer, Bradley Nowell died in 1996 right before the release of their 3rd album that catapulted them into mainstream success. A lot has been done in the following years to capitalize on their success, another cobbled together studio album of new songs and old outtakes, a live album, an acoustic album, a box set, a re-release 2 disc version of their self titled album and countless greatest hits packages. Now they are going out on tour.
In 1997, the remaining members of the band formed The Long Beach Dub Allstars with some other musicians carrying on the Sublime vibe with all new material but eventually broke up in 2002. Now, (billing themselves as) Sublime With Rome are hitting the road with Bradley Nowell replacement, Rome Ramirez for a few shows and the some possible recording sessions.
Seriously? Give it a rest guys. The man is dead. Show some respect for his talent instead of raping it.
The Strokes put out 3 critically acclaimed albums from 2001-2006 and than disappeared into indefinite hiatus land which saw every single member (except for second guitarist, Nick Valensi) do their own solo projects. Most recently and most Strokes sounding was lead singer, Julian Casablancas’ album. Well, we finally have good news to report as the band is back in the studio recording and eying a September 2010 album release. They also have confirmed two isolated concert appearances at music festivals in the UK.
In honor of this news, we’d like to show you a music video that is a TCM favorite. It combines binge drinking and Family Feud hosted by a robust Al Borland. It’s the song, “Someday” from the Strokes 2001 debut, Is This It?
Fuck Ticketmaster. I know that I’m not the first person to ever say that. Hell, Pearl Jam spent most of 1995 doing its best to stick it to them only to get fucked in the ass. But my friends, this is because Ticketmaster’s greed cannot be stopped.
A few weeks ago, She & Him announced a small tour consisting of about 6 U.S. shows. The band does not tour often because it’s made up of actress, Zooey Deschanel and musician M. Ward who both have limited free time due to their other projects. 2 shows were scheduled for NYC’s Bowery Ball Room and I was hell bent on going. Not only do I greatly enjoy their music, but what self respecting male wouldn’t want to see Zooey Deschanel in person? I could finally cross it off my bucket list.
I knew I would have a hard time getting tickets but their website announced a pre-sale a week ahead of time. I figured this would be my best opportunity. So, I readied myself on the internet and the second they went on sale they sold out. I shrugged it off and hoped the actual sale would go better.
Minutes before the general public tickets went on sale weeks later, I pretended I got an emergency phone call in the middle of a meeting at work and excused myself. I went to my computer logged into Ticketmaster’s website and refreshed the page approximately 48 times. The exact moment they went on sale my fingers flew and I got fucked on the captcha. Instead of getting something like, “Dog Tree” I got “Colloquialism Rumination” or some other bull shit word that you’ve never seen before or just doesn’t look right. Nevertheless, when it was all said and done it took me about ten seconds and the shit sold out. How is it even possible that hundreds of other people were able to do it faster than 10 seconds? That is some fucked up shit.
Directly after, I went onto E-Bay and Stub Hub and all those kind of places to see if people were selling tickets. Now, the tickets (sans fees) were $25 all general admission. I was willing to pay $50 or $60 a piece for me and my lady. The cheapest I could find them was for $90 each and some going as high as $160. It makes me sick to think that some asshat buys up 7 tickets at a time just to turn a profit and could give a shit about the band, thereby fucking over real fans. Capitalistic bullshit.
To make matters worse, I recently bought 2 tickets to a see a slew of comedians performing together. It had been advertised as costing $25 in advance, $35 day of show. I figured I’d save $20 and order them online ahead of time. With all the bullshit fees it ended up costing $70 altogether. I could have paid the same amount at the door.
Fuck you Ticketmaster! Now I can put you on the list with Philadelphia and Captain Polish for things that have fucked me in the ass.
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