Today is the day that everyone in the world should be talking like a pirate. If you don’t, than Captain Polish will show up at your house with a bag of poop, light the bag on fire, ring the door bell, wait for you to answer it, then punch you in the face. So if you don’t want that to happen to you, I suggest you be speakin’ like a pirate.
Our most recent staff photo - Kirk and Fuerza were in the shitter
Got your attention? Apparently two guys in NYC thought it would be a good idea to bury $10,000 in gold $1 coins in a random location in NYC and publicize it as a treasure hunt. I have no clue why they think this is a great idea. I mean if I have $10,000, I’m probably going to blow it on really dumb things that I don’t need. These two guys really want to create some publicity for their puppet shows so that’s why they’re doing this. Yes you heard that right, puppet shows.
Although their motives are questionable, the Captain’s can’t be any happier to put together the old crew, get drunk on a shit load of rum, and find some treasure in NYC. When it comes down to it, who wouldn’t enjoy spending some of their free time insanely drunk searching for gold in the middle of a mega-metropolis?
Captain Yar’s car/mobile home?
Thanks to JT for sending us this license plate.
It’s been a while since we rocked a vault post. Looks like we have to do something about this:
- We have a great history of starting series on the memo’s that never materialize. A great example is Forgotton Songs of the Moment and what better one to highlight than “Scatman” – a guy who wrote about scat (poop).
- Games are good too. Both Yar and I gave you directions for drunk ball as well as nutball. Both games may take years off of your life, but they are great to play nonetheless.
- Staying true to our roots, we provided the top ten pirate photos we have in the archives.
- Lastly, an in depth explanation from Faux News on why big butts are awesome – to a certain extent that is.
Well, that’s all we got from the Vault for this edition. If you have favorites we’ve missed, let us know and we’ll be sure to highlight them for you!
This might be one of the coolest things ever:
Bear Sleeping Bags, who would’ve thunk it? Not this guy. Can you imagine going camping and seeing this? I’d shit myself and blame it on Captain Flintheart (word has it he has a knack for doing that).
It’s a bummer this is actually just a concept and not an actual product. Fear not though. Since you are reading about this on a website where all the writers claim to be Pirates, we’ll find some way to take this idea, make it happen, and make millions.
Yarr!
Ever have the urge to kill? Ever have the urge to kill Somalian pirates? Well worry no more! Your dreams have just come true. Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.
You heard it correctly. If you have enough money, you can board one of these beautiful yachts armed to the friggen teeth. For a few bucks extra, you can get an AK-47 for yourself to reign hell down on the skinny’s. This yacht–which cruises close to the Somalian coast to attract pirates–when attacked will retaliate with heavy machine gun fire, grenades and rocket launchers….o yea, and a team of ex-special forces.
You must be asking yourself though…I thought TCM was pro-pirate. Yes indeed we are. But come on, if you did not want to do this then you must be a full blown retard.
I think TCM has found where we are taking our office this year. Beat that Oprah, you whore.
What did I say! I’m not gloatin’ but what did I say. Did I not say that the American’s would not retake that shit!? We rocked them badboys, we rocked ‘em!
As of 1PM EST, the American’s have retaken control of the ship that was hijacked this morning from Somalian pirates. If you read what was posted earlier you will see how I predicted this outcome. I will now open the lines to your questions for any other future predictions. And no, Jesus will not be making a visit anytime soon.
