Ever have the urge to kill? Ever have the urge to kill Somalian pirates? Well worry no more! Your dreams have just come true. Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.

You heard it correctly. If you have enough money, you can board one of these beautiful yachts armed to the friggen teeth. For a few bucks extra, you can get an AK-47 for yourself to reign hell down on the skinny’s. This yacht–which cruises close to the Somalian coast to attract pirates–when attacked will retaliate with heavy machine gun fire, grenades and rocket launchers….o yea, and a team of ex-special forces.

You must be asking yourself though…I thought TCM was pro-pirate. Yes indeed we are. But come on, if you did not want to do this then you must be a full blown retard.

I think TCM has found where we are taking our office this year. Beat that Oprah, you whore.

Start packing your bullet-proof vests mother fuckers.