I came across this privileged information from FloatingSheep.com – a rival, but a worthy one at that. The map below shows the distribution of pizza spots, gun stores, and strip joints throughout the U.S.
From this map, we can tell a few things about the country:
What this means, I don’t know. Maybe they’ll do a map soon on drinking. Oops, they already did.
I love pizza, I could eat it everyday. I like my pizza with a ton of shit on it. When I make frozen pizzas i’ll raid my fridge for anything I can throw on top. Normally, I avoid plain cheese or just pepperoni at every chance I get. 10 years ago you had a choice of cheese, extra cheese, pepperoni or mushrooms (and sometimes sausage) or any combination of those toppings. That was it. In fact, I remember when “white” pizza came out…it was a huge deal. Anyway, that’s how the chain pizza stores rolled and mom and pop places too.
Now it’s a whole new ball game. You go to some places you can literally get anything you want. Oh, you want a half a chicken breast on your pizza? Done. You want egg plant parm on your pie? Fuck yea. You need your pizza equipped with a sacrificial lamb doused in the blood of a virgin? Check and Mate. This pizza joint by me even has a 2AM drunken Captain Flintheart pizza favorite, mash potatoes and bacon. I’ve never eaten it sober and it always makes me feel like a ninja turtle when I eat it, but it’s fucking delicious.
When did this trend begin? But more importantly what the fuck took so long to make this happen?
Vending machines, whoever invented them sure had some serious priorities. Get snack food…lightning fast. Well now apparently you can do the same with pizza. Some dude in Italy has invented the self-making pizza machine called “Let’s Pizza”. A machine that makes you a pizza. You can watch the manly robotic arms through a glass window knead the dough, make the pizza and cook…all in under 3 minutes. The last time I heard of anything that quick was when Captain Kirk’s girlfriend told us how “inadequate” he was. I swear.
Well this apparently has some Italian pizza cooks up in arms. Hell, I’d be pissed to knowing that some robot could make pizza faster than me and probably beat me up at the same time. Wouldn’t you? Let us know how you feel about this machine by leaving comments below.
Also in the news, Captain Yar invents a vending machine where you can get sex in under 48.2 seconds called “Let’s Fuck”. Stay tuned for more…
Well, in order for you to get the full pizza story, continue here.
Kitty Drink Too Much
In Arizona yesterday, a bobcat when on a rampage attacking one woman outside a Pizza Hut and biting 2 men in a bar. After the incident subsided, the police said that the bobcat was denied drinks at the bar because he was too drunk. When 2 patrons willingly tried to escort the cat out, it bit them and ran to a local Pizza Hut where it attempted to pick up a woman who was getting food for her family. She was quoted with saying, “You could smell the alcohol from a few feet away. I told him to stay away and that I wanted nothing to do with him. That’s when he scratched me.” The incident ended with police putting a bullet in the cats skull.
Note to self: Don’t get drunk in Arizona.
Full real story here.
