I figure the people I am about to semi-offend can’t read this so I will gladly continue.

So I just returned from a trip to the local Subway sandwich store and all they have behind the counter is the subs and Mexicans. I walk up to the counter and ask for 2 sandwiches. The bitch pulls out 3. I say no, I only want 2. This confuses her more and she leaves me with 1. So, the impolite son of a bitch I am says, “No…Dos sandwiches…Dos” holding 2 fingers up. Ok now she got it right.

Next up is what type of sandwiches I am getting. Lucky for her they were the same so she got it right on the first pitch.

Now here is what completely boggles my mind. Who knew someone couldn’t tell lettuce apart from cheese…well, apparently this senorita. She even asks, “what type cheese you want?” I say, “Swiss on the large sandwich” which she got right, then “Shredded cheddar on the small”. So what does this whore do? She reaches for the shredded lettuce. What the shit balls? I will give her the benefit of the doubt that cheddar can sound like lettuce when you know all of 3 1/2 words of english but come on, you yourself asked me what cheese I wanted. Frustration level is building on this side of the glass. So, she puts them in the toaster and I am done with this one hopefully thinking, “Ok, lets move on to someone more competent.” Wrong.

Next Mexican in the sandwich conveyor belt: The post-toast Mexican. This girl must have just crossed the border, cause I saw the barb-wire scratches on her arm. No just kidding, I’m sure she was legal. Anyways, she asks what else I would like on the sandwiches. So, I ask for cucumbers and before I could even continue to what I would like next she starts to fucking reach for the goddamn mayonnaise. Bitch! I did not ask for mayonnaise! So the first Mexican I dealt with comes over to assist this new-born American and she asks me what I wanted, so I said “I wanted cucumbers.” You know what she fucking did? She reached for the goddamn shredded lettuce again! What is up with this bitch and shredded lettuce!? Did your mommy deprive you of shredded lettuce when you were little so you are somewhat intimately drawn to it? I would hope not since shredded lettuce is a staple of tacos…and we all know what little Mexican girls favorite things are!

So eventually everything gets in order, I pay and politely walk out of the store only to realize that they gave me one of the sandwiches. I walk back in and say “I only had one sandwich in the bag, where is my second one?” They look at me like I have a Chupacabra growing out the side of my head. I repeat myself until the manager who is American, comes over and asks what is the problem. I tell him I only had one sandwich in the bag, but paid for 2. So apparently they sent my sandwich off with the woman behind me along with her own. I have to go through that whole goddamn sandwich making experience again? No way, I’d rather eat my dog’s shit covered in sprinkles then deal with those fucking bimbos again. Luckily the manager saw that I was getting heated and re-made me my sandwich himself and gives me my money back for it. O yea, Captain Yar 1, Subway 0.

Either those girls where extremely daft or they saw I was being a complete dickhead out of frustration and decided, “Hey, lets fuck with this muchacho.” If so, kudos Mexico…kudos.

Either way, I’m going to Quiznos next time.