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Memos Tagged rant


News, Random
Sep282009

Your Ass Just Got Pilloried

I’m going to go out on a limb here, but this is one of the coolest things to happen that’s actually made it into the news for quite some time. Well, maybe the samurai sword story was pretty bad ass, but I digress.

So some dude decided it was a good idea after he got rejected to buy alcohol at a local VFW to burn their flag – the flag that was sent over from Iraq. The VFW found out who it was and gave the guy three choices: (1.) Be handed over to the police, (2.) fight man-to-man with a seasoned war veteran (probably from Iraq, Desert Storm, or Vietnam), or (3.) be duck-taped to the flag pole of the VFW whose flag he burned.

untitled Your Ass Just Got Pilloried

Numb nuts chose choice three and became the first man pilloried since lord knows when. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term “pillory,” it’s a medieval practice where a town passes scorn on a wrong-doer through public humiliation. Think of the stocks of “pillories” you might have come across in your wonder years when going on family vacations and such.

The dude had to sit duck taped to the flag pole with a sign around his neck for six hours. The VFW is apparently located in the middle of town so there were a lot of passerby’s that passed their judgment on this guy. This was straight out of the medieval times except they didn’t through vegetables and other stuff at him. That would’ve been amazing.

Which brings me to a brief rant: why not do this more often? Think about it. If someone did something that lands them in jail, why not put them in the pillory and let the townsfolk throw crap at them? I guarantee you that crime would go down if convicts knew they had to face the public and just had to take anything dished out at them. It’s about time for some politician to run using that as their platform. Now that’s worth voting for! Well, unless you’re the asshat that is in the pillory for the majority of the time.

Anyhow, kudos to the VFW for making this happen. I hope it catches on nationwide.


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Characters, Issues
Sep232009

Bathroom Attendants

Although we just gave you the full explanation to why men read in the bathroom, we are not going to make this “bathroom week” with this post, or are we? Compliments of Captain K, here’s a good very rant on the bathroom attendant:

25592163 Bathroom Attendants

“The other day the Captain’s decided that we needed to find some power and motivation to help us come up with some new material for the site (you can only have so many videos of the day). What better place to find said power than an NHRA drag race watch 8,000 horsepower cars scream down the track! That’s so much power you can feel the ground shake and your body want to explode – much like an hour after Mexican night.

So sure enough we are enjoying the afternoon festivities and the carnival type food that can be expected from a woodchuck inspired event such as a NHRA top fuel drag race. When after my second chili dog, first buffalo chicken sandwich, and of course a morning full of coffee, the bowel gods were calling my name.

Now I am not one of those people who need an amazingly clean restroom. Most restrooms will do and even the good ole Blue Bowl will usually make me happy. Here is where the problem lies: THE BATHROOM ATTENDANT.

The bathroom attendant has to be one of the most awkward jobs to have and is also creates (at least for me) a very awkward restroom experience. The NHRA drag race was my first experience of bathroom attendants working Blue Bowls. At one point during my time at the drag strip outside of Reading, PA, I used the Blue Bowl and there was actually a turd in the urinal portion of the Blue Bowl.

My question is: What are these bathroom attendants doing? Isn’t it their job to keep these puppies clean and full of TP? No, I guess not. They are sitting in front of the porta-shitters shouting at females walking by, talking and texting on their cell phones and distributing penny candy. Seriously, penny candy! Who wants to eat fucking penny candy from the Blue Bowl attendant?

The icing on the cake is the fact that you get a dirty look from them if you don’t tip them! Tip them for what? The old as hell piece of double bubble they gave me from their collection of Blue Bowl candy?

I have no respect for any bathroom attendant. Until I am not capable of wiping my own ass and a bathroom attendant does it for me I would be fine not dealing with a bathroom attendant again.”

If you are a bathroom attendant or aspire to be one, please feel free to let us know the answers and the rationale to the questions about this job.


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News, Technology
Sep212009

Dropbox

Facebook is great for a lot of things: networking, wasting time, stalking, etc., but there’s got to be better ways to share media – especially pictures. A few reasons I’m interested in bypassing Facebook for sharing photos are fairly straightforward:

1. I don’t want every asshat that has befriended me or stalking me to see my photos.
2. I also don’t want Facebook to own them. Side note: they own all of your content.
3. When I receive photos, I want the best resolution and quality as possible.

So after an atypical bachelor party I put on for a buddy this summer (atypical because there were no strippers at his request), I was approached by some of the attendees to share photos. The easiest way is using Facebook, but there had to be a better way. One of the guys told me about this site called Dropbox and it has since changed my life.

I’m now able to upload pics to it and can send them to friends, family, etc. without having others look at them. Not that they are intimate pics mind you, it’s just that not everyone needs to see me as a drunken idiot all the time.

In exploring the functionality of the site, you can actually upload music and movies as well. I haven’t gone this far, but it seems promising. Best thing is that you can select who can see specific folders. A good thing when sorting your pics you took on vacation with your special lady and pics you took in NYC with some college buddies.

No, I don’t work for Dropbox. I just started using it and thought others should check it out. I do use Facebook for networking, but I’m alarmed at how rapid the functionality of the site has progressed, how many people are using it (over 300 million), and how much personal information people are displaying. This site at least gives me the power to control who can look at pics and that’s good. I know, not a humorous rant, but as Bill Murray once said, “trust me. I may save your life one day.”

PS – A big shout out to Mr. Bill Murray on his 59th Birthday Today. Here’s a look back at Bill’s best work.


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Issues, Random
Sep212009

What really grinds my gears

You’ve heard our rants on driving, illegal immigration, and Facebook, now hear someone else’s. Check out this site dedicated to pet peeves. Here’s a couple of the highlights:

I was at a cafe yesterday, and a guy comes up to me and asks me to put the tag back into my t-shirt because it was sticking out… my pet peeve is people like that who impose their irrational pet peeves on you.

and…

People who did not use the inordinate amount of time they had while waiting in a long line to decide what they wanted. They finally get up the front, and then waste a few more minutes of everyone’s time deciding what they want to stick in their pie hole.

and of course…

Employees at coffee shops that force you into compliance with their cutesy branded terms. “I’ll take a large coffee, please.” “So, you’d like a venti java?”

Don’t fret, the Captain’s will most certainly continue to rant when ranting needs to happen. Tags on shirts sticking out, indecision in a food line, and coffee slang terms are minor topics for rants, but we’re cool with people’s candor.

A big shout out to big Jerry and the kids for passing this link along.


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Random
Jul202009

Writing or Typing

When is the last time you wrote something? You know, actually wrote it by using a pen, pencil, quill, chalk, or blood (if you roll that way).

Today I took a test in Grad school that was all written. Once I started writing, something weird happened – I realized that I don’t write anymore, I just type. It’s probably because my handwriting looks like it came from some Sea Otter with a pen stuck in its ass that’s trying to explain what its feeling.

seaOtter 300x245 Writing or Typing

Any way you swing it, we are now a world of typers. We sit in front of computers and type all day to our co-workers, friends, family, business partners, and the world at large. We type on our cell phones to friends. We type on ATM’s our pin number. We basically don’t write anymore unless if it’s to sign your name or make a list. I can’t think of any other activity that would make me write instead of type.

So why the written test today? I have no clue. Maybe it’s because I’m supposed to be able to write coherently, but that is no longer the case. Society has made me into a typer just like it made Jefferson into a writer. Jefferson was a pure genius and I once traded Alice in Chains for Collective Soul, but no one’s perfect.

I don’t know, maybe I’m alone on this one, but I feel like people just don’t write anymore. I guess this is my rant for day.

News: The Stickers are in!! There have been sightings at several local drinking establishments and now they a popping up at concert venues and other places of the sort. Be on the look out. If you find any out and about, be sure to drop a line with an image. We’ll post it up faster than Captain Flintheart can beat Contra 3 – on speed.


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