When I’m not sailing the high seas and cashing in on jewels, writing shit for TCM or generally complaining about everything, I’m working in the service industry. From time to time we get these religious douchebags that decide to tip me not just in dollars, but with their religious pamphlets….
I can tell you that I am 100% sure I don’t want you pushing your beliefs on me.
I’m an avid reader of Dan Savage’s ‘Savage Love’ column that is published in, but not limited to, the weekly Capital Region publication, the Metroland. He gives sex advice that usually entertains the fuck out of me, and I’m assuming most of his readers as well. When I once read about a girl that had a brother that would sneak into her room at night to stick his dick between her toes, I was hooked (Who doesn’t do that?). Anyways, he has released various books, hosts weekly podcasts, speaks around the country advocating various political & civil rights and frequently appears on Real Time with Bill Maher on HBO. I came across this tidbit of information in his column from a few weeks ago, and I’m assuming NOBODY outside of his readers have heard about this. So, loyal TCM readers, I give you hypocrisy at it’s finest, straight from Dan Savage:
I’d like to briefly—very briefly—touch on George Rekers. Rekers is a towering figure in the religious right. He’s the cofounder of the Family Research Council; a member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, a group that claims it can cure homosexuality; and the go-to guy for “expert” testimony about how gay people threaten and endanger children. And last week, Rekers got busted coming back from a 10-day European vacation with a 20-year-old male escort he found on Rentboy.com. Rekers told two reporters from the Miami New Times that he “can’t lift luggage,” so what other choice did he have but to hire a 20-year-old with an eight-inch cock?To mark the downfall of yet another crazy and hypocritical closet case, I propose that “whatever floats your boat” be immediately and permanently retired in favor of “whatever lifts your luggage.” This will be George “Rentboy” Rekers’s legacy, his lexi-colonic gift to the English language. Help spread the meme.
Whaaaaat the fuck is wrong with religious conservatives? I bet he gave him mustache rides.
Have you ever fantasized about smoking a fatty in church? If you have, Captain Yar will tell you are not alone. If you live in California, you can now make this a reality without being a Rastafarian. The Liberty Temple II offers this exact service.
Don’t believe me? Click here.
I’ve never met him, but from what I understand God is a pretty cool guy. I don’t mean to be sacrilegious in saying that; I just don’t need to be reminded of it everywhere I go by religious crazy people.
Just last week I was minding my business, walking to a bar, when out of the blue someone asked if I wanted a billion dollar bill. I said why not and took it. The woman was very fast to tell me that it wasn’t real and I’m glad she did because I was looking forward to taking out the biggest bar tab in the world with it. She uttered something to me about how “Jesus saves” so I replied “So does Charles Schwab” and walked away.
I get to the bar, look over the dollar bill, and I am confused. This is the front of it:
OK. So it’s got some random guy on it I thought. Doesn’t seem too random right? Nope. I then turned it over:
Written in a style I used to use to piss people off back in the day when signing yearbooks, this billion dollar bill just basically told me that I’m going to hell immediately for having impure thoughts. Apparently if I look at anyone with lust, I’m doomed. Oh well, I’ve been screwed since middle school then.
This didn’t put a damper on the night by any means. I just find it ridiculous that people have to become walking, talking billboards for religion. It really bothers me. I do go to church here and there and believe in God, but I don’t foresee the need to broadcast it all over the place. I find it a nuisance when people do this because no one cares about how intense their beliefs are.
This isn’t the first time one of these encounters have happened to me. I’ve been approached by Mormons, met crazy religious zealots in NYC, and spent an afternoon walking around with two Christian missionaries in Dallas during a random business trip. I don’t know why, but I tend to attract these folk.
Anyhow, I wanted to throw this out there to see if other folks have encountered anything similar. I know. They always say to avoid religion, politics and you’ll be in fine in casual conversations with others, but that’s not Captain Polish’s style. So how about it: how would you react to this? Do you think we have an epidemic of religious crazy people in the world?
