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Memos Tagged Shopping


Holiday
Dec222009

‘Tis the Season to be Stressed

Fa la la la la la la la la

When did the holiday season begin to suck so much? Saturday December 26th can’t come any sooner. Why does the holiday season suck? Because of all the unneeded stress. Stress? What stress? Deep breathe and away we go…

First off, you are required to buy presents for every person you know while magically knowing the value of the present they are going to be getting for you. This includes everyone from parents to siblings to loved ones to bosses to aunts to friends and so on and so on. It’s Christmas and everyone needs a present.

The status of shopping is pretty ridiculous as well. Why is it an “event” that people can casually converse about? That’s usually reserved for how the weather is, not your status in finding gifts for everyone you feel you need to buy for.

Figuring out how to spend Christmas is just as worse. Yes, it is nice to be with family. Yes, it is nice to be with friends. Yes, it sucks trying to figure out the right mix of both. How much time is too much time with family? What does everyone eat? How much can you drink (because every cop is ready to bend you over on that DWI they love to give out)?

If you have a significant other, there’s another layer of suspense added to the mix of what to do Christmas Day. Family time with the SO can vary from heart warming to heart attack so make sure to practice “give and take.” Give compliments, take food, and consider buying plane tickets for the tropics for you and your SO the next holiday season.

Work makes Christmas suck too because there is always some over zealous crazy that needs to decorate everything. I came back from a meeting last week and had a candy cane on my door. Fine. I can deal with it, but why?? What’s the point? Don’t go spreading cheer to people who really just don’t give a shit.

I can go on with people’s attitudes, traffic, the turning of the weather, overly joyous people, etc. I actually used to like the holiday’s after a very good string of Christmas’s growing up, but as I get older I realize it should be all for the kids, not for people over 16.

What the hell happened?


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Holiday, Issues
Dec142009

Tis The Season For The Raping Of Your Wallet

I love Christmas, but this year it’s getting ridiculous. Besides the normal gifts I buy for my family/friends my office has begun to spiral out of control. I have to pay money for food associated with our Christmas party…ok fair enough. I have to buy a present for the office grab bag, fine. I have to get a present for my supervisor,  ok well that is expected. The work unit I’m in, within my office only consists of two more people, last year they each got me small gifts and I felt like a douchebag for not having anything to give them. So I have to get them something. My 2 big bosses work on my floor too and everyone else gets them presents (most likely to kiss serious ass) and it makes me look like a bastard if I don’t get them anything. Now, my co-workers wants to take up a collection for the cleaning guy, theirs donations for charities people are sponsoring, catalogs of cookies and other bullshit parents bring in to sell for their kids. It never ends.

Not to mention the mall…especially around this time. The middle of the mall has all different kinds of organizations begging you for money. You come out of the exits to get your car and the Salvation Army person is there ringing his bell. You go to the movies and they hit you up to donate a dollar and put a star on the wall. No lie, I was in JC Pennys buying a belt the other day and paid with a credit card. The cashier asked me if I wanted to round up my bill to the next dollar and donate the rest to some charity. I’ve never heard of such a thing in my entire life.

christmas shoppers Tis The Season For The Raping Of Your Wallet

This needs to end. It’s starting to get way out of hand. People are much less inclined to be charitable when they are being harassed and having shit shoved in their face. Just chill the fuck out, people will give you money if they want. Not everyone has a heart as cold as Captain Yar. Don’t force people to “donate”.


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Issues, Random
Nov202009

Standardizing Grocery Stores

I realize we don’t live in Communist Russia, but I really feel like grocery stores across America should become standardized. If that’s too much for you, how about they standardize stores within the same chains. So every time you go to (insert: generic chain supermarket here) no matter where you are, you will find everything instantly. You won’t have to wander around looking for plastic cutlery (only to find that it’s not in the isle with the paper plates but with party supplies). Think about how much time in your life you’d get back or at least save in the future.

Another thing while we’re at it, why not standardize mailboxes across America. Make them all that simple generic metal kind in either red, white, or blue.

mailbox Standardizing Grocery Stores

None of this fancy retarded bullshit people have where their mailbox is a giant bear and the envelopes go into it’s mouth and you can open it through it’s stomach. Just give me a regular mailbox…that or a large pike on the front of my lawn where you can stick your letters right through the sharp part.


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Random
Oct62009

Mall Kiosks

kiosks Mall Kiosks

Whoever developed this concept should be murdered in the most brutual fashion possible. The mall is never a pleasurable experience and like most men I wanna get in and out as fast as I can (insert joke here). If there is one thing I hate, it’s those damn kiosks. I honestly don’t know how most of them make any money. I never see anyone interested in getting their fortune told or buying a framed limited edition John Stamos lithograph.

It’s not their mere existence that bothers me. It’s the overly aggressive salesman that sometimes work there. Why can’t they be satisfied with the rest of those hourly wage fuckers that work there? Your getting paid to watch movies on your lap top, text, or people watch at a place that houses some of those most attractive women your sorry ass state ever sees. No, they have to harass you for a sale.

I always try to be as much of a dick to them as possible. Sometimes you walk by and they ask you if you want a free sample and you blow them off, that’s not enough for them. They will say, “oh, can I ask you a question?” or “Excuse me!?!?” tell them to fuck off or to get a real job. That bullshit kills me. Just because your “store” is in the middle of the mall walkway doesn’t give you the right to harass me as I’m walking by. Imagine if you walked by Dick’s Sporting Goods and some ass muncher stood out front of it’s entrance yelling, “hey buddy you need a new cup?” or, “lady, how about buying your kid a pair of roller skates?” That shit would fly for all of 12 minutes till that dude got knocked the fuck out.

Why do we give these kiosks so much leeway?


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